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How do I end an affair?


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I've been married eleven years and I recently came into contact with an old boyfriend. It seems he never married because he never found anyone as perfect for him as I am, and he wants me to leave my husband and marry him. Seeing as my marriage has been going through some difficult times (mostly just boredom in the bedroom), I told my old boyfriend that I would probably be leaving my husband within a year and then we could be together. I believed this at the time.


Meanwhile, my husband and I are trying to work through the difficulty, and I'm willing to keep trying to make a go of my marriage (we have no children). But now I need to let my old boyfriend know that he shouldn't wait for me, that he should go on with his life and perhaps someday our time will come to be together.


I have not had any sexual contact with my old boyfriend, it has been strictly telephone and e-mail because he lives so far away. This whole situation began three months ago when we saw eachother for one hour, and we behaved.


I would appreciate any advice on how to let him know that I will not be leaving my husband for him at this time. I do love him, and I don't want to hurt him. I need to let him go without taking a blow at his ego. Thank you in advance for your help.

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Congrats on sticking with your husband.


I would suggest that you simply tell the boyfriend that you believe in marriage. Tell him that you want to make it work with your husband. Tell him you want to spend the time to solve the problems.


If he cannot respect that, then he doesn't respect you. If he doesn't want to listen, then he really only cares about his own personal gain.


Fact is, I wonder what kind of guy would ask any woman to leave her husband. I don't see how this guy can be anything other than trouble. If you married him would he mind if another man tried to win you away from him? Of course he would, so why is HE trying to do it? Selfishness.


Again, congrats on your decision. Be honest and stand up for your marriage. Any man who can't respect that is someone who needs to grow up.

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Thank you so much for your support. I really needed that pat on the back.


You both are right, my old boyfriend is indeed thinking only of his own gain. I can see where I got caught up in this situation because of the timing - he came into my life at the exact time that my marriage needed a little work. It figures.


I will tell him that I need this time to work on my marriage. I know I am hurting him, but he's the one who was getting involved with a married woman. I just have to keep telling myself that.


Again, thanks for your help.

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