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Hello everyone.

 

This might not seem like a huge problem,i know it certainly isnt compared with what some people are going through at the moment,but i just need a little advice.

 

I have recently been in touch with a couple of friends from school, which i am happy about. But i have been asked to go out for a night on the town with a big group of girls..and the place we are going requires us to dress up as naughty school girls But im not sure if i want to go coz of my boyfriend. I know he wouldnt like it if he knew that i was dressing up. We trust each other,and believe me i would never ever cheat,but i dont like the thought of him being oblivious to whats going on. And also,though this may sound a bit immature, part of me also doesnt want to go coz i know i wouldnt like the idea of him being chatted up all night.

 

Though i wouldnt ever cheat,i would really feel quite uncomfortable being leered at all night.I dont mean to sound big headed,but - big group of girls,scholl uniforms, you get the idea.And i dont want to be in any situation where i might be the slightest bit tempted. The problem is i dont want to let my friends down,as ive only just started talking to them again and i dont want them to think im boring or ''under my boyfriends control'' or whatever.I havent even told him yet i dont know whether to.

 

Help!!!?? Shall i go???!!

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If you feel uncomfortable about the situation that you will be in, then don't go and if your friends think otherwise, then that's their problem. Good friends would understand if their friend feels unsure about something that they shouldn't force their friend to go..but if you want to go, alteast tell your boyfriend what's going on.

 

Musicguy

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I got to agree with Musicguy

 

Don't do anything your uncomfortable with, being a sex fantasy for guys that your not wanting to attract just for the reason of feeling like your "in" with your friends is silly.

 

If you do something like this, don't keep any secrets from your BF. tell him its a girls night out, and that he can trust you to not flirt with any guys etc. don't hide the fact you be dressing up as "Naughty Catholic High School Girls".

 

I was a little worried when you said:

And i don't want to be in any situation where i might be the slightest bit tempted

The strength doesn't come from the avoidance, it comes from being tempted and not doing anything. Do you really have to flirt with some guy that flirts with you? no.

 

I am glad to hear that you do have self respect, in not wanting to be leered at, like some kind of eye candy for some fetish starved horny guys.

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If you're uncomfortable, don't go, especially if you're just starting to go out with them again. You don't want to go along with it and give them the impression this is something you'd love to do, because chances are it will crop up again, and you'll feel like you have to go along with it again because you gave them the idea you were ok with it this time.

 

You don't have to put it as being under his control, just tell them you're not comfortable in a situation where you're getting dressed up to get leered at yourself, and since you would have problems with your bf doing something like this, you respect him enough not to have a double standard on it. And ask if they're going shopping or want to do a girls lunch or something sometime soon.

 

If they'll think less of you for that, that's their problem, not yours, you have to do what you feel is right for you. Judging by your personality, you're not going to feel good about yourself later if you follow along just to be nice.

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Thanks for your replies guys.

 

Gilgamesh know what your saying,but its not so much that i would be tempted,i think i worded that a little wrong.Its just that most of the girls going will be single and there are bound to be guys trying to chat us up,and just talking to a guy i would feel bad,coz i know how i would feel having the situation reversed.and i dont just want to be 'in'' with my friends,but i dont have many decent friends at the moment,and i know it would be good for me to widen my circle,i just dont wanna be a killjoy thats all.

 

The Morrigan: Thanks for your response,you seem to know me well already!! your right i would feel guilty,very guilty.i think thats my problem,i try to be too nice and to please everyone,and i think im just scared that if i let them down then they will be disappointed.I wouldnt mind just going out,if you could take out the schoolgirl thing.I feel uncomfortable with guys looking at me and it would feel wrong. I probably wont go,i just needed a bit of advice.

 

Thanks people,but one more question,should i lie and tell them something else has cropped up or just tell the truth?

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By the way Buffalo I admire you for "putting yourself in his shoes" if more couples would do that there would be a lot less people in this forum asking for help with breakups.

 

Nothing wrong with talking with opposite sex, but given the situation you'll be in, the talk will be for only one thing in mind, and I understand you point of view. and your right to feel bad about that.

 

Like you said, if it was just the girls out night, it wouldn't be bad, but the fact they are going out to attract guys, thats not what your about, because you already have a wonderful guy, and he is lucky to have you.

 

This situation happens with guys also, a group of buddies that did everything together, then one gets involved or married, and he feels "left out" and wants to have fun with the guys, but they are cruising the bars looking for chicks, so he doesn't go, because that wouldn't be right (i am talking about decent nice guys here).

 

Tell your friends you cant make it for that date, but maybe on the next one, you can even suggest something.

 

take care.

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I'd be honest with them so they won't feel slighted if something similar comes up and you don't want to go - and tell them if it was just a typical girls night out you'd love to go along. They need to know what you're gonna be comfortable with when they're asking you to come along with them, if the positions were reversed, wouldn't you rather be told someone didn't like going on a particular kind of outing so you could be considerate of them when asking them to get together? Most people are pretty reasonable, it's not like you're saying "oh, my bf doesn't let me out of the house," you're just telling them what kind of "girls nights" you're comfy with, and what doesn't feel right to you since you're in a committed relationship. No worries!

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Thanks Gilgamesh and the morrigan,you've helped alot.

 

Im not gonna go i dont think,your both right when you say that they should understand,im sure they will. Its kinda weird though,the girl that is the main one that asked me to go,and the one i was better friends with than the rest has a fiancee,and i just got to wondering,''how come the pair of them dont mind this?'' maybe thats just how their relationship is.I guess everyones different,but i dont want to lie to my bf and i dont want to go out knowing that im doing something my bf wouldnt like.I know i would feel crap if it were the other way around.

 

But anyway thankyou very much for everyones replies

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