I'm scared.. help me even the shortest quote is a relieve

[tough_girl]

Earlier this July, my grandmother passed away due to cancer. I was alone that time for I had just been ignored by my best friend and that my brother would go somewhere else for studies. I was at first lonely and sad when I went back to school. Then I got close to friend and we got on quite well. Then she had to move away because her father had to work somewhere else.

 

I sometimes wonder why god is being cruel to me. But I don't mind all the suffering He has put upon me. I went through the lonely times, now I've turned into a loner. When I know who will be going to my next semster's class, I wanted to rant and rave. I hated some of them but I did not despair though I will have a major exam next year.

 

I know I'm not the worst in the world, so I went on. Now my brother is back because of his holidays, at first I wasn't used to his presense but then I got okay.

 

The greatest impact on me now is that I think I'm sick and I'm young. I had only gone to the hospital due to my illness for 2 times. None of which I suffered a major illness. But now I think I'm falling into the same fate of my grandmother, though I try to convince my self that it might be only tumour or eating disorders. I'm scared and I have no one to share my fears with. I have no one to go to.

 

My mother knows that there is something wrong with me. She's sending me for a check-up in a few days time. My mother doesn't seem to understand my fear though she claims she does. I wanted to go to a psychologist but she says the insurance won't pay for it. I'm scared right now. I fear for the worst. If I were to be in a dangerous disease, will I survive? I don't seem to have anything to live for now... I'm scared for pain too.....I also live in a quite supersticious family. I'm scared almost every second now because I see everything having a meaning, telling the future which I don't like.

 

I'm also scared of the many stages that I have to go through in the check-up. I have to be admitted. Knowing my experience, I'm shaking everytime I think of it. I try to shove the feeling and the thoughts away but to no avail. Is god testing me if I'm tough enough again? I wonder if I can go on.

 

Please help me if you can. I am sorry because what that is supposed to be a short story has turned to a long one. Your quotes and advice can help me get through this difficult time. I say thanks in advance to those who read, give me their advise and their support . Thanks...

[The Morrigan]

One thing right off - double check on that insurance - most carriers WILL cover psych if there's a referral from a regular doctor, or at least an initial consult, and at that point, the doctor states the need for treatment to get authorization for regular visits.

 

Remember - stress and your state of mind can have impacts on your physical health, you CAN literally worry yourself sick without any direct physical cause, so when you go for that checkup, talk to the doctor and see if he has any suggestions.

 

Something else to look for might be a grief support group - you've just gone through a death in your family where you didn't have much support it seems, you don't need insurance for that, and I'm sure there will be someone there who will be able to offer you some comfort, and be able to empathize with some of the things you're dealing with.

 

link removed

that seemed to be a fairly large and well organized online one there - and it seems you could benefit from someone who would be there to listen and offer a bit of empathy with what you're going through.

 

I'm really sorry, I lost my mom to cancer several years ago, and it's not easy, and everyone goes through different emotions and reactions.

 

And this one has support for anxiety

link removed

 

Best of luck to you, it's a good thing you can work past your fear to reach out for help when you need it, so don't give up on getting someone to understand what you're going through!

[Osiris]

Greetings tough_girl,

 

Here is the words of Emerson: "Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could ; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you will begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be cumbered by your old nonsense."

 

Live a day at a time and remember that tomorrow is another today

 

All the best,

 

Osiris.

[avman]

Hello tough_girl and welcome to eNotalone.

 

I'm very sorry to hear about your grandmother. It really hurts to lose someone you care about.

 

You should know that cancer is extremely rare in young people. Yes it does happen, but not often. It is unlikely that what you are feeling is cancer. However when someone is under extreme stress it can make you physically ill. As The Morrigan mentioned, talk to your doctor about what you are feeling. They will run tests to rule out any serious illnesses.

 

I think sometimes our fear of the unknown is much worse than our fears of something real. You are terrified of something that may or may not happen to you. People may be telling you that you are worrying about nothing. Well, that could be true. But to you, its not nothing. Its very bothersome.

 

I will tell you that worrying about it will not change it. The more you dwell on it, the more power it has over you. It builds and builds until it consumes you. Yet if you really think about it, its not cancer or disease that is destroying you - its the fear of it.

 

My advice to you - do not give in to your fear. Fight it. Challenge it. You have mentioned your faith in God, use him now. He will be your sword and shield to fight the darkness for you. He will not leave you alone in this, he will be by your side. Fear will not conquer you if you do not allow it.

 

I'm not sure how old you are, it sounds like you are college age or so. If so, most colleges have psychologists on staff that you can see and it is covered by your student insurance. If you are younger, please go see your school counselor. They can help you with what you are feeling and may be able to refer you to a low or no cost psychologist if your parents insurance will not cover it.

 

You can certainly go see a religious counselor. Many of them operate on a donation basis so if you cannot afford it then there is no charge. Go see your pastor or minister. Or if you do not have a church right now, just go to a local church anyway. They WILL welcome you and help you any way they can.

 

Good luck to you and do not give up. You're never alone here.

 

avman