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I've been lucky to chance on this Forum as I am going through a really hard time now. Here's my story... and while I have already heard from mjones, who has been really nice to reply to my PM, I'd like the point of view from girls on here as well.

 

I have been in an 8 year online relationship with a guy from the UK. When I met him in a chatroom, he was in a dead marriage. He has a son. I never thought to develop anything with him but we moved from being friends to more than friends. In all of the 8 years, I've learnt so much about him but I've never been allowed to meet him nor has he ever sent his photograph. I attributed all of this to his bad marriage and divorce (he sorted it a year after we met and it wasnt something he did for me, just something he wanted to do on his own) we had many ups and downs, I kept wanting to meet but it always got cancelled by him. We talked everyday for hours and he became my life. Because of the time difference, I'd wake at 1/2am for me everyday just to talk to him. I ran my life on UK time, neglected friends, stopped going out, killed my social life. He was everything to me.

 

Over the years, things started going downhill, my gradual erosion of self confidence, trust and low self esteem started taking a toil. I'd get paranoid about him fooling around with me cos if he loved me so much he'd meet me surely?

Everytime it was nearing our planned date to meet, he'd always cancel cos of work or some other reason. Lately we broke up cos he told me he actually likes someone over there whom he's gone out in a group for 3-4 years already. I was devastated but accepted it. Then he mailed me again to say that he wants to meet me in Jan. But he has reservations about the future. And while he says he hasnt started anything serious with that girl there, he says he'd have her. But he wants to give me a chance.

 

Am I setting myself up for a fall? Should I walk now even though it makes me suicidal or should I trust that he wont let me down again?

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WOW! An eight year on-line relationship and you have never seen him in person let alone a picture of him?

 

You know he has had failed marriages?

 

He is seeing someone else?

 

And you are depressed and suicidal over this guy?

 

You are wasting to much energy persuing some sort of phantasy you obviously created 'cause there are so many warning signs that you shouldn't be persuing this guy it's rediculous.....

 

Find some local person to romance not some guy who obviously has no REAL interest in you to begin with. You're wasting your life worrying about him.....

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I would really let this one go. Don't waste any more time on him, that's ridiculous! The warning bells should go off when, in EIGHT years, he can't even send you a picture of himself. Not to mention that you've offered several times, at your own expense (I assume) to come over and meet him, and he's backed out. Sounds to me like he's stringing you along there.

 

The tough thing about online LDR's is that you DON'T know what's happening on the other end. He could still be married, for all you know (though I doubt it) or have been steadily dating this whole time. And now he's saying he's seeing this other woman, but wants to meet you, but will make NO promises as to the future? Hmm. Kinda makes you wonder, doesn't it? It screams out at me that he wants to have his cake and eat it too, and that he figures you're such a sucker you'll accept this as being okay.

 

This guy doesn't exactly have the sterling qualities I'd look for in a man, I'm sorry to say. The whole thing sounds just this side of shady, and I think you'd be SO much better off cutting your losses and moving on. There are SO many guys out there who aren't out to play games and mess with someone's head-why do you want one who does? Let him go, chalk it up as a loss and concentrate on finding someone who can commit to you like you can to them. From what this guy's saying, you're NEVER going to get that from him!

 

 

Mar

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