Just broke up feeling bad

[sueblue]

Hi everyone,

 

This is my first time doing this so be kind.Here we go! I was in a relationship for over eight years. I recently broke up with him about a month ago. The reason I left is there was a consent stress of him threating our relationship he would tell me alot that if I continue a coversation he did'nt like we were through. After hearing this 50 times I finally snapped I slapped him and told him how much I hated him. I was living with him and he would leave me and not talk to me for weeks and say it's my fault when I wanted to talk to him. I was always the one who called and said I miss him and want to work things out but instead of trying he would take about an hour telling me all the things I do wrong and what he thinks I should do in order for things to get better I foolisly agreed but something inside me said I can't do these things because I really don't feel that it's all my fault he tells me all the time it's me and not him. He says he does'nt do anything wrong it's me . What do you guys think?

[mahlina]

It sounds like you're in a relationship that's emotionally neglectful. He keeps telling you to stop conversating with him, and all you're doing is showing him that you love him by wanting to call/talk to him.

 

Even if he is the type who doesn't talk much, he shouldn't threaten you just b/c you want to conversate. If he's threatening you, then that's not healthy either.

 

He doesn't sound like he's supporting you emotionally at all. The relationship seems a bit unhealhty to me. You can't really patch things up from here, b/c that's who he is. So, it's good that you walked out. Try finding other reasons as to why it's good that you broke up with him.

 

Initially, of course you'll be shocked by the whole breakup, but in the end, you'll feel glad that you put that heavy baggage aside, and moved on to better things in life.

[Colls]

I think its good u left him. He was dragging you down nad making you miserable. In a relationship I think it should be two way. Even if he did mess up, he should be able to admit to it. Thats what makes a relationship havce honesty. I believe that he felt he had you rapped around his finger. By you calling him and apologozing nad saying how much u missed him, he felt he was in control. To me he seems liek a very controling man. Dont go back to him, even if you want to. And if you do wnat to, wait for him to be the one calling apologizing wen he realizes what he has lost.

 

You'lll be stronger without someone like him shooting you down emotionally. There are men out there who will treat you with respect, this guy didnt seem like he did at times, and maybe more times than we kno. Good luck.

[adidas7fire]

Well, first off, I'm sorry for the unfortunate breakup. However, I think that if you were not happy in the relationship, you did the right thing to finally end it. I am always told to trust my gut feeling and I think that 99.9% of the time, it's true (the other .1% is usually in the mind). But you shouldn't feel sorry or blame yourself at all. If he was not willing to give his 50% of the relationship, then oh well... you are better off. You will find someone that will treat you the way you should be treated. Don't settle for what is there right now. Believe me, I know that being with a person for 8 years brings with it a lot of history, but think of it this way: you have found out what you do not like in a relationship.

 

Just take this time now for yourself. You are just in shock of the recent situation but time will heal all wounds. Don't believe for a second that it's your fault. Conversation is the key to a relationship and since he wasn't willing, neither should you be at attempting to patch things up. I hope this helps. Good luck!

[Genesis]

Be happy you left him. When a person tries to put all the blame on you there is a BIG problem. Relationship problems are 50 /50 , maybe ( 60 him /40 you) for your relationship! For him to leave you for weeks at a time says that he has no respect for you. If he cannot talk to you then that is his problem not yours!!! A relationship requires talking to each other about issues, just in case this bum did not know.

 

You cannot love someone if they do not want to work. He wanted you to carry 100% of the weight to the problems and solutions of the relationship. When he did nothing!! My father warns me about men like that they try to justify every thing that they do, by blaming others. If you would have married him he would tell you some lie like "I cheated on you because you talk too much!", just thank God this jerk off lazy bum is out of your life.

[kuhl282000]

Hi SueBlue

 

I'm going through one of these myself. Everytime we had even a small dissagreement she would throw her arms up in the air and say I can't handle this anymore and want to break up. And I would say what have I really done. She would shut down and we would not talk for weeks. I found out through some friends that she was in a past relationship and she broke up with her old boyfriend like 20 times. I detected it was now a pattern and now happening to me. It really messed with my peace of mind and I knew in my heart and gut feeling that this was someone that I was not going to be able to feel secure with and count on in the long haul. I cared for her deeply, and it really hurt me to end it. But I had to it was killing me and dragging me down just always walking on eggshells waiting for her to snap and say it was over. I really believe that she has not developed for what ever reason as far as being mature enough to talk through her feelings with out putting everthing on the line. I will always love her in my heart, that is still hurting and missing her right now. But I know deep down if I start it up again it will continue to hurt me even more. I will always wish her well and she will be missed, but I am not willing to go through anymore negative energy. I just can't. Everyone has baggage coming into any relationship. I felt I had a small carry on. This person who I relly fell hard for had more baggage than American Airlines. I really did not know it at the time. But she really needs to work through some things before even considering being in a relationship. Love is made up of sacred words between two people. And they should mean what they say. So in my opinion if someone is saying I'm going to break up with you. I say well then let's do it. and that is what I did. You will feel better in time, I'm still hurting but it is getting better everyday. She has called me several times, I have not called her back since the break-up. Why would I, so we can do it again. My time in very valuable, and I want to spend it with someone that values me. Your in my prayers.

 

Kuhl

[sueblue]

I am very thankful for all you guys . I have been feeling very guilty for breaking up with him. Until I found you guys and dolls. Thanks again.