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Am I overreacting?


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It's been 2 months since my ex and I have broken up. We've been dating for almost 3 years and are both in college. He told me he wants to be single in college and he doesn't want a serious committed relationship right now. He says that he doesn't want regrets and to end up resenting me in the future if we do end up together. He thinks that it would be good for me to, to go and experience college single. We both agreed that we wish we could have met later on in life. Although he's told me he still loves me and has strong feelings for me, he has done hurtful things and I don't know if I'm overreacting. There is a school event where both of our colleges go (we go to two colleges close by). A little bit after he broke up with me, I told him about a dream I had that we were both at this event and he was with a girl. He said that first of all he would never put it in my face like that and second of all he decided not to go anyway. Well I ended up not going myself last minute, it had nothing to do with him. From a friend, I heard that he was there and not only that but he was with a blonde girl and was pretty drunk. She didn't tell me what exactly they were doing but I don't think she would have told me if it looked harmless. I'm very hurt because how could he have gone, being 100% sure I was going to be there, with a girl and drunk. What if he had seen me? Do I have a right to be upset or not? I understand we're not together and he has the freedom to do whatever he wants but I just think that was inconsiderate. Also, last time I saw him I made it clear that I would be willing to try and make us work. Now however, I am hurt by not only this but a few other things he has done and said since we broke up. It also bothers me because he is not acting like the person I loved for 3 years at all. He never used to even drink and now he gets drunk every weekend. Do I confront him about what my friend told me and about how I think he's changed? Or will that just make things worse? I feel that he thinks that he can snap his fingers and I'll come running back to him and I was willing to make it work but that's before I realized how much he has changed. Any advice would be great.

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I wouldn't confront him, for the main reason you pointed out. However hurtful it may have been hearing he was with someone else, he DOES have that choice. You have no claim on him at this point, sadly, and if he thought you'd be at this function and still chose to show up with another girl, maybe that was his way of letting you know he's experiencing the college life as he'd intended to when he first broke up with you. After all, if he was breaking up because he wanted to be single, that translates into "I want to date other, new people in college while I have the chance." At least to me, it does...

 

I'm sorry to sound so abrupt on that, but from what you've said, that WAS his intent for breaking up with you. At this point, save your pride. If you don't like the person he is, then there's no need to speak to him at all, good or bad. If he contacts you and wants to be friends, that's your decision to make. But keep in mind that his actions right now are those of a man who's declared himself single, and he really can't be told he's wrong for doing it. (Much as you want to, and we'd all understand! lol)

 

Enjoy YOUR college experience. If you meet someone attractive to you, go on a date. Have fun with your friends. Concentrate on your studies. But DON'T pine away over this guy who's made his choices clear at the moment, it's not fair to you! You've both got a long future ahead of you, and his drinking and partying and hanging out with other girls might just be him experiencing what he thinks college is about. Boys tend to lose some control in college, experiencing that freedom and new parties for the first time, and I'm thinking that eventually he'll come to his senses or fail dismally.....lol And if, down the road, he cleans up and DOES come back, and is the same guy you know and love, then it's up to you if you'll take him back. Maybe this is just a fork in the road he has to travel down a little way to realize that he likes what he left at the beginning of the trail best!

 

Mar

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I heard that he was there and not only that but he was with a blonde girl and was pretty drunk. She didn't tell me what exactly they were doing but I don't think she would have told me if it looked harmless.

 

This quote really made me sense that you're really conflicted right now. For one thing, you're trying to accept the fact that it's okay to see other girls right now since you guys are broken, and at the same time, you don't want to accept it b/c you're still in love with him.

 

Even if something did happen, like him getting all physically intimate with her, I think that the person who told you would tell you about seeing her and him together anyway, but would leave it at that and nothing else.

 

By the looks of it, it sounds all too convenient that he breaks up with you, and then immediately is all over someone else, and doing other habits like drinking when he usually doesn't. Has it occurred to you that he might have had the hots for this chick for a while?

 

No, I really don't think that you're overanalyzing. You're just being wise about it. Plus, you're trying to trust him at the same time. Yet, his actions are causing you denial about the trust, but you don't want to doubt him.

 

Not only that, but he mentioned about getting back with you in the future. I think that when he said this, it was truly unfair for you. He should've been upfront about it, and stop leading you on.

 

I think that he said it to ease your pain. He probably did want to see you cry, cuz then he'll feel guilty.

 

Sorry to hear about the breakup, but if he's telling you that he wants to play the field for a while, then you better get used to it, b/c he might just be continuing this, and if you still care, then you'll probably consistantly feel hurt (unless if you do the same).

 

Don't be his rebound chick. I must warn you though, if he's always with this one girl, then chances are he lied, and basically left you for someone else. However, if he's seen with other girls, then he's not lying.

 

Whatever the case is, I think that it's best to not remain in contact for him for a while. You are telling him that you're willing to make the relationship work, but is he willing to do the same? No, so it's not fair for you.

 

You can do much better. Focus on getting yourself together, and mending your heart for now. Forget about him. You have enotalone for advice. There are some great articles on how to move on from breakups from here. So, best of luck on moving on...

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