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Ready to call it quits and don't know how to do it


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Many of you might have read my previous posts. I have decided to call it quits. We have only been married 7 months and I still love him very much and i know he loves me, but we just are not compatible. I am sorry we had to get married to figure this out, but I just can't live like this anymore. He finds the need to punish me for doing things wrong in such dramatic ways that I just can't do it anymore. He didn't call me on my birthday, he didn't come around for our planned Halloween weekend, and he didn't come for Thanksgiving Dinner.

 

My problem isn't my decision because I already made it. My problem is that I have tried to end it already on a couple of occasions and I am weak and end up taking him back. I love him so much and for a chance to be in his arms again I take him back but we always end up back here.

 

I presented counseling to him and he is not open to that. I tried to talk to him on the phone but he won't answer or return my calls. I tried sending emails to explain that it is the end of the road and he just replies "F YOU" and other obsenities. He doesn't take me seriously and that is obvious. I know when reality hits he is going to be hurt. I told him I need him to get his things out of my house and he tells me he will do it when he feels like it not when I tell him too. I really need him to get his things so I can have closure, but he won't do it.

 

Any ideas on how I could approach him that its over and get him to take me seriously and get his things so that I can move on. I have three children from a previous marriage and I don't want to hurt my children any more than they already are.

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Greeetings marriageintroubleneedhelp,

 

Well if you decided to call it quits you have to stick with your decision!

If he don`t want to collect his stuff well you can always donate it to charity

 

P.S Don`t act when you are in a stage of emotional turmoil, relax, think about it one more time and then do what is best for you an kids.

 

That`s my 5 cents.

 

Osiris.

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I don't want to do anything nasty. I just want to do what is best for all of us involved. If I had my way we would go to marriage counseling and work on it, but if he isn't willing then I have no other choice.

 

If I stay in the marriage then we will always be back here becuase he is immature and stubborn.

 

I don't want to throw his stuff out. I want to get them to him, but he demands me not to touch his stuff. I just don't know. I think he is sitting at his apartment waiting for me to cave and ask him to come home, but he is so wrong. I am getting stronger and stronger every day and I am not taking a step backwards like I did the last time.

 

The time before this I went through some tough withdrawals from him, and then I got through it and was at the acceptance stage and stupid me too him back and I knew I would be back here again which I am.

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I'm glad to hear you've finally decided to get a divorce. Your next move, and it's important, is to see an attorney. Let the attorney guide you through this.

 

Besides the need to get this man legally out of your childrens' lives, I also see another need: protecting you from a possible violent response from him. He will need to know that the law is watching over his every move.

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Yes that is something I didn't think about.

 

 

I just had a conversation today with him trying to discuss how to best end this and asked to be friends. I was greeted with name calling, finger pointing and means to an end.

 

I see his anger welding up, and quite frankly it is beginning to frighten me.

 

Thanks for your advice.

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I think you need some legal advice and would recommend that they sedn him a letter about his belongings and the collection of, would suggest you are not in the house alone when/if he comes to collect them, and if you havnt already then get the locks changed this will make you and your children feel far more secure.

It is not youre responsibility to get his belongings sorted stop treaeting him like one of your children he is an adult and should behave like one all the time you keep running after him he will let you. You need to be strong and show him that you have made your decision and want to move on, you have given him loads of opportunities to take steps towards rectifying this situation and he isnt interested, he does not want to take responsibility for his actions and is not motivated to move on, you have a duty to yourself and children to keep you all safe and secure youve said yourself youve done second chances and didnt want to end up back in this situation dont beat yourself up over it mean business and set about creating a new life for you and your children.

I wish you well

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Hi Marriage in Troulble,

 

I just want you to know that your not alone! I am going through almost the same situation! I have been married just a year at the beginning of this month and it has been hell ever since! I'm dying to get out and i cant nor do I know how! I just dont know what to say or how to do it! Like you, my husband has giving me many reason to end it and i just dont know how! As bad as thing may get i cant seem to get the words out of my mouth! I think the best bet is to be honest even thought I know how hard it may be! You have an advantage though, from what is sounds like, your husband already has his own place. Use that, tell him he is not welcome in YOUR home anymore! Please let me know how it goes, I could use some help myself!! Thanx! Best of luck to you!

 

**DGirl**

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Your comment about his anger welling up confirms my suspicions about him. It started with his foul language and verbal abuse, and things are coming to a climax, so please be careful. I'd see an attorney ASAP, tell her (or him) that you fear he is capable of violence, and take whatever steps you need to take to be safe. That includes packing up and moving to a friend or relative's house and letting the attorney get the divorce started. If he ever even hints of violence, call the police immediately and get a restraining order.

 

But not to frighten you too much, if you take sensible steps now you can prevent this from escalating too far. It's in your control, but act quickly and decisively now.

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DGirl,

 

I do have the advantage of him living someplace else however, what breaks my heart is I still love him very much, and i know he loves me. We are both depressed and hate that we are splitting up, but he isn't willing to go to counseling and wants to just blame everything on me. I can accept my part in everything but I refuse to take responsibility for it all. We need counseling to learn how to communicate and he doesn't want to do it.

 

We talked on the phone for like 4 hours last night and it got very emotional. He is really depressed and sad it is over, but I don't know what else to do if he doesn't want to go to counseling. He just says, "I don't need counseling, you do."

 

He is coming to get his things today he said, so we will see how that goes.

 

About your marriage. What is wrong and why do you want it to end? Do you still love him, and does he still love you? Is there anything that can be done to save your marriage? Have you looked into the idea of counseling? I am telling you if my husband was willing I would do it in a heartbeat.

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Well, I do still love him, i've been with him a total of 8 yrs. He says he loves me and he tries to show it with affection, but he is always lying to me. About big things and small things. When i catch him in small things I cant help to wonder what big lies i haven't caught! until one night, only after 4 months that we were married I found a singles add he posted for himself on line which stated that he was married but unhappy, he was looking for a women that was outgoing and likes to party......I mean come on!!!!! Then when i confronted him about it, he blamed me! He said I drove him to do that cause I dont show him affection! Whatever! But the sad part is I bought it for a while, thinking maybe it was my fault! Which i'm sure you think sometimes, when your husband blames you for stuff he does!

Anyway, I began counseling myself and had planed in the beggining for him to eventually come join me(which he said he would), but I realized that everything he blames on me is not my fault! Its his fault and he needs to take responsabilities for his own actions! He chose to do the things he did I didn't make him. So now everytime he blames me for something he did, I can say no.....its your fault and your not gonna blame me again! And when i say it Ii can believe it!

I recommend that you do counseling for yourself if he wont join you! It may help you get threw this and realize that you deserve better! Thats what it did for me! I'm still sad, but I know it will be for the best in the end!

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