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Somebody Tell Me I Was Right.................


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I'm sorry if this is a bit long but I've shortened as much as I could. So please bear with me on this one.............


I've just come out of a 4-year relationship and I'm finding it hard to handle. I knew it was coming for a long time but I just chose to ignore the warning signs and pretend everything was fine.

It all began on the 11th of October when my girlfriend went to her best friend's wedding....................WITHOUT ME!!!

Even though I knew her friends and they knew me, we never socialised only because my girlfriend never allowed this to happen. Over our 4-year relationship, I was always told that I could not go out with her and her friends. I didn't mind it too much as I always thought it would just be a girl's night out. Imagine my surprise to learn that all her friends had their boyfriends with them. I got angry and incensed that she would lock me out of this part of her life. I once asked her if she ever told guys who hit on her in clubs that she had a boyfriend. Her response was "Why should I?"

I know that maybe I should have cashed in my chips early in the game but love blinds you to all sorts of things. I loved her enough to let this continue because she could be very affectionate and loving at times. Most of the times, she was an absolute BITCH!!

Anyway, on the night before her friends wedding she checked into a hotel. She was a bridesmaid and was staying there with the bridal party. She would not tell me which hotel she was staying at and where the wedding was being held. I asked her why I wasn't invited and she told that I was. She simply didn't want me there to ruin her night. I was extremely hurt by her cold response. Couples who love each other do everything together. And not to want me there as her partner really cut me. I work in an industry that requires a lot of travel and I also attend a lot of conferences interstate. Everytime I attend work functions of balls, I always take her with me. At great expense mind you. I just could not believe that after taking her on numerous overseas trips and important work and social functions that she did not want me by her side at her friend's wedding.

I began to get very suspicious about her motives because I knew she had a thing for the groom's brother who is very good looking and a few years younger than her. She always denied it and would get angry with me by telling me that she was 26 and he was 19. As I always replied, he may be only 19 but that doesn't mean he can't screw.

On the day of the wedding, I spent the day alone and miserable with constant images flashing through my head of her flirting with all the other guys there. I felt so low I really felt like harming myself. Not worth I thought.

After the wedding, I had expected her to return home but she informed that she would be staying at the hotel, as she was too drunk. I didn't but this for a minute as I always drove into the city to pick her up after a night out "with the girls". My heart was racing and I felt like I was losing her to someone else that night. The wedding reception finished at midnight, which gave her plenty of time to call me to collect her. We only lived 10 minutes from the city. I was going crazy not knowing which hotel she was at and whom she was with.

At about 2.30am that morning I got a call on my cell phone. It was her. She wanted me to drive to the hotel in the morning so that I could pay for her car parking fees. I told her that I could be wherever she was in 5 minutes as I was out drowning my sorrows with a couple of friends. She refused and got angry with me. She would not answer my question about where she was and who she was with. My hear sank when she hung up and switched off her cell phone.

She arrived home the following day feeling very tired and hungover. She hopped into bed with me and couldn't understand why I was angry and upset. Hellooooo!!!!! She got narky with me for even questioning her loyalty to me but yet refused to tell me where she was the night before. More importantly, who she was with.

That evening I reluctantly had sex with her. It was during this that I noticed something was ver, very wrong. After 4 years together, you get to know how your partner "moves" in bed. She was different this time. It was as if she was having sex with someone else and not me. It was only when she turned around and said "Don't cum in me!" that my head began it's descent into hell. I immediately withdrew and began to question her over my tears and sobs. She denied that she said that but I know what I heard. She got very angry with me and started calling me all sorts of names and that I should trust her. How can I trust her when she goes out all the time, without me, comes home the following day and refuses to tell me where she was all night.

After that nigh things really began to take a turn for the worse. Even though she constantly told me that she loved me, my heart was telling me otherwise. If she did love me, why wasn't I at the wedding with her??

Things began to improve because I loved her enough to forgive even if she did anything behind my back.

It was only until about 3 weeks after the wedding that I began to realise that maybe my suspicions were well founded.

She had been complaining about soreness to her vaginal area. After we had sex in the morning, she asked to look at her vagina and tell her if I could see any "little cuts" as she put it. That's how it felt to her. I took one look and my response to her was "I'm no f......g doctor but that looks like Herpes to me!"

She immediately went into defensive mode. She told me it couldn't be as she has only ever had sex with me for the last 4 years. I told her that during my 20 years of being sexually active (I'm 36, she's 26) that I have never had any symptoms like that.

She then began to backtrack and explain to me that she has had it before. And I told her she was lying because we both had check-ups and both came up clean only 12 months beforehand. I know for a fact that you can get your first serous outbreak of Herpes like she did within the first few weeks of contracting it from someone else.

She had her check up and it was positive for Herpes. She told me that I cold have passed it to her. 1 in 8 sexually active people have it and don't know. I had a blood test, which proved negative.

After this, I began to distance myself from her as I did not to contract it myself. Sex came to a complete stop and emotionally I was beginning to see the light. I now knew she had been up to something.

Even though we broke up after that (2 weeks ago), we still kept in touch somewhat. I moved out and let her be.

I was visiting her mother's last night when I happened accross her cell phone account. I always checked her phone for any messages or calls from numbers that I did not know. I never found any because she always erased them before I could read them.

I carefully scrutinised the account and found a number that appeared numerous times. I dialled the number and some guy answered. I told him I had the wrong number.

My anger got the better of me, so I dialled again. When he answered, I asked if he knew a Bernadette. He replied yes and who was I to ask. Her boyfriend of 4 years I replied. He fell silent. I demand to know when he met her and who through. Apparently he had met quite a few weeks ago and had been seeing her. They have been meeting up every Friday for at least 7 weeks. All this time, she told me she was meeting her friends for drinks.

I went ballistic at this guy and demanded to know what right he had to get involved with someone who was already involved. He said she had told him that she was single and not seeing anyone at the moment.

Even though we had broken up 2 weeks prior, I called her and demanded to know who the f....k Jack was. She denied knowing any Jack until I told her that I lifted his number off her bill and had just spoken to me. She told me I had no right and went off at me. As I pointed out to her, this was happening during a period when we were still together so I had every right.

I proceeded to call her a slut, a cheating whore and a diseased skank. I told I now had proof she couldn't deny but she still denied any wrongdoing on her behalf. How stupid does this bitch take me for? I spent most of the night smoking my lungs out and feeling very distressed that this was happening while I continued to be love with her. I called her numerous times to abuse her and call her more nasty names. I now feel terrible for calling her what did. I'm very hurt and confused. SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!! Help me understand why a girl I loved so deeply could betray me like that. I have spent at least $300,000 over the last 4 years pampering her and this is the thanks I get. Her previous boyfriend is a convicted criminal who abused her whereas I on the other hand, gave her all the love she needed and every material thing she wanted. Why did this happen to me. I'm a fit 36-year-old, with a fit body, very good looking and I've never let a woman down in bed before. As a matter of fact, she always commented that I was the best lover she ever had because I always took care of her needs before mine. It's not as if I've been shortchanged in the trouser department either. I thought I had everything to keep her happy. A good career, money, looks, a very trusting & loving nature and sexual prowess. How can this happen to me? I love that girl and she's abused me in a fashion I've never experienced before.

Can someone she some light on this? I want to hear from some women out there as well. I'm going out of my head with grief. PLEASE HELP EASE MY PAIN.........................!!!!!

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Holy cow!!! That girl is so not a nice person!!


I am very sorry that happened.


You need to move on to better things, she is obviously not grown up enough to handle anything major in her life.


But think positively, you now know that following your gut feeling is the best thing to do and you'll come out better in the end.


Holding onto false hope and false people won't get you anywhere.


It happened to you because you cared, opened up and were a totally great person to her. You know deep in your heart that the pain will go away and you're going to be much better without her around.


The days will get easier, just keep smiling.


Wishing the best,



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You are ABSOLUTELY right my friend.


I was capivated by your post simply for the fact that i could not believe someone could do this to another person. She sounds very cold and emotionally unstable, as well as immature.


You did no wrong,she not only lied to you repeatedly,cheated on you and decieved you,but she could have almost passed on A DISEASE to you. Your body is your temple, and if anything else you'd think she would have had the common courtesy to at least refrain from sexual contact with you. She must have known something was up,we all know our own bodies.


I feel very saddened for you,it seems like the worst things happen to the best people in life. All i can say is please dont give up hope.Or women for that matter. I know you probably feel like a woman hater at the moment (you have every reason to) but we are not all like your ex, you just picked a bad apple. Try and learn from this experiance and be wary in the future,dont call her etc because it will only empower her and boost her ego.


I hope you feel better soon,im so sorry this happened to you.

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yeah right....and i think you try asking from you close friends some company..not her family...you couldn't go on with your life if you'll hang around her... maybe by this time...you can't help wishing and hoping she'll say sorry and changed her ways.... as i see it you're damned in loved with her.... she won't do any good to your life....get a life...away from her...its her lose not yours...and take it one step each time...don't keep false hopes...you can changed a person...if you love her that much...just this once..think also about yourself...love yourself... she is using you...and most of all abusing your love... good luck and god bless you...you can make it through...i've been there!

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Love is blind.. First of all you should have never of spent $300,000 on a woman like this... Sounds, like the typical gold digger.... Second, she cut you out of her life for a reason, which sounds like she didn't want to be in a committed relationship... This woman is insane. You don't deserve to treated like this. You sound like a really great guy, but this situation could happen to anyone... All that I can say is that this is an experience that you can learn from... Just forget about her...

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Wow. Hey there.

Your post made me quite upset

Even my nose and toes are cold


But listen to those members before me. They're right. And you have every right to be angry, as they said.. And, I don't usually like to call other people names and/or hurt them, but I guess that what you did is only a human self-defense mechanism. So at the very least - you're still healthy and functioning and you know that this was not in any way your fault.


Nothing I, or any other member of enotalone, can say will make you feel better. Save perhaps the agreeing members: You're not the one to blame, and you have nothing to feel sorry for. From the looks of it, it was entirely her fault. And yes, she does not deserve you. Pardon me for saying so, but the only thing she deserves was the thing that spread to her and later on became your proof.


Good luck, pal. I sincerely hope that you can shield yourself from her soon. Staying friends after such a severe breach of trust.. Who can afford to have them? I don't, but I am not the strongest person in the world either.. Anyways, be well.

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How can you be part of someones life if they wont allow you to be part of all of it! what is she worried you may find out if you spend time with and get to know her friends. This woman has used and abused you and your health dont allow it to continue, would she take a call at 3am and come and bail you out for a parking fare I think not -the only reason people will ask you to do unreasonable things for them is because they are using you and harsh I know but they do it because they can. Im really sorry that this has happened to you, you did not deserve it give yourslef time to get to know you put this down to experience and find someone that will truly and genuinely appreciate you for the great person that you appear to be.

You have very right to be angry but dont internalise it and go on self destruct you need to spend some time examining your character and why this lets face it complete bunny boiler was attracted to you and why you allowed her to treat you so bad

Good Luck

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sorry for your pain friend. you, though, are doing what everyone does and what noone should do. you are looking internally to see how someone else can behave in a certain way and you wont find any answers there. this girl sounds very bad. some people would describe her as troubled or whatever but i would use the words you bleeped out. you are not old man. you obviously have something on the ball, grab all your pride together and bail. cut it off, no going back, stiffen up, get cold, its not my biz and i am sorry to make that kind of recommendation but god man go grab your life somebody is gonna worship you and you will find her and you will deserve her and she will deserve you. life is short dude

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