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Need advice..want to get back with my ex please help w/ideas


wentworthless
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I also wrote under need ex girlfriend back but she has a new boyfriend. This is the case. We dated for almost 2 years and I took a job in Chicago. I wasn't sure about things between us and she wanted marriage. I didn't think it was fair to her so I broke up before I left. After 3 months I realized how much I loved her. We talked on the phone almost every night while I was in Chicago. In that time, she moved on real quick into another relationship. I really don't like this guy. Anyways I quit my job and moved back for her. I wanted to get her back and marry her. Well I told her how I felt when I moved back. She told me not to buy an engagement ring yet and also that she didn't trust me in a relationship right now. Anyways we talked and she asked me to not be so pushy. So I backed off and she stilled called me though. She even asked me out to dinner and that night she kissed me and tried to molest me. I didn't give in, but I did about a week later. We had sex and in that time she told me that she had to fake it with her boyfriend. She then told me that she was sorry that things aren't the way they're suppose to be. What does that mean? Well She was gonna go to a wedding with me and she got sick so I called her on my way back b/c I wanted to see her. She was having a bad day and took it out on me and told me that I was being pushy in wanting to go out at times and especially b/c I ask her to spend the night a lot, just hoping that I might break her down. She then told me that we shouldn't see each other like we have been. I said ok after some talking. She then called me that night at 4 am and told me that she was sorry. Then today at Thanksgiving she called and we talked for a while and then her bf came in and she had to go. Maybe I try to over analyze stuff, but I could use someone elses's analysis and opinion on the situation and what I need to do to get her back. She's the love of my life and I'm not gonna quit fighting for her. Is this new relationship a rebound? Do you think she still loves me? Do you think it'll work out between us and what do I need to do?

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She actually gave you the answer I always give to people that have done what you did.

 

Its all about trust, you see, when you were together before, she trusted you 100%, she never thought you would hurt her, she wanted to marry you, she had faith in you and your relationship.

 

when you went away, and broke up with her, you broke that trust, not only that, you basically were telling her, that your job was more more important than her or all the time she invested in you. you didn't care about how she felt.

 

As for the new guy, yep he is a rebound relationship, doesn't mean she isn't happy in it, or that he treats her bad, he probably a great guy that really likes her and treats her very well. (I know, I have been that fool).

 

Thing is, she doesn't trust you anymore. she has not healed from what you have done to her, and she cannot heal until she is alone, thats right, solo!

 

She still loves you, or at least loves the image she once had of you.

 

How can you get her back? this is going to be very difficult under the current situation.

 

For one, She needs to leave this other guy, second she needs some time alone, that means no you dating her!. she will not be able to restore trust in you or heal her heartbreak if she doesn't have some time to do so.

 

here is what you can do:

 

Don't sleep with her. don't ask her for dates, don't pressure her to leave this guy, don't act jealous, don't even call her, when she calls be her friend, if she asks whats up, tell her you'll give her the space she needs to decide, but you cannot be "the other man". that you love her, and its up to her.

 

When and if she leaves this man, she will most likely want to jump right in with you. this is tricky, cause, if she does, she will still have those trust issues, and its not going to be the same between you two. The best thing you could wish for, is that she does NOT want to be with you after leaving this new guy, that would be the very best thing. if for some reason she jumps back with you, and you two have an argument and she says she needs some time alone, dance with joy! and leave her be! because then she will have time to resolve her trust issues with you.

 

So many things have to turn out just right for this to work, and frankly see little chance, but its there. your desperation and constant pushing will ruin any chance of this ever happening, you need her to resolve this stuff on her own, if you make her feel guilty, you will lose her! if you continue to act hurt, you will lose her, if you continue to find way to jump the gun, and sleep with her, you are prolonging the situation and increasing the chances that you will lose her.

 

I haven't wrote anything she hasn't already said to you herself:

 

Anyways we talked and she asked me to not be so pushy

and told me that I was being pushy in wanting to go out at times

So many warning signs, you don't know how close you are to losing her for good.

 

 

We had sex and in that time she told me that she had to fake it with her boyfriend.

Ah, don't get your hopes up on this one. women know how fragile mens egos are, and how to make them feel good.

 

She then told me that she was sorry that things aren't the way they're suppose to be. What does that mean?

The trust thing! remember this?:

She told me not to buy an engagement ring yet and also that she didn't trust me in a relationship right now

what make you think that the trust would come back? because you had sex? sorry don't work that way.

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