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I posted a little while ago about meeting with my ex to give him back his things. At this time I wanted to give him a letter explaining things I have realized while we've been apart. By the way, he broke up with me 2 months ago after dating for almost 3 years. In the letter I said how I realized some things I needed to change about myself and how I'm working on them and that I think we would work out now. Towards the end we fought a lot and I felt as if I overreacted over little things. He came to pick me up and we went to get hot chocolate. He treated me which was nice. I thought it would be awkward to see him since we haven't seen each other and barely have had any contact for the 2 months. It really wasn't weird though. It just felt great to see him. We went to his house then and I saw his family. We became very close to each other's families so it was great to see them. Then the two of us just talked for a long time about what's been going on in our lives, what we've been doing. He told me that I looked absolutely beautiful, more beautiful than he had ever remembered. I then read him the letter which was hard. I kept having to stop because I was crying. I looked up at one point and he was crying too. He then said that he just doesn't want a serious committed relationship right now. He wants to know what it's like to be single in college. He said he still loves me and has feelings for me. He also said that I don't compare to any girls he has ever met. But we just want different things. We also talked about being friends and he said he'd love to but it'd be hard because first of all he still has very strong feelings for me and he doesn't think he could control himself around me and he doesn't want to do anything that would lead me on. He also said that what happens when we start dating other people. We left off saying that we'd keep in touch and think about maybe doing something over Christmas break when we're both home from school. It's so hard to let him go because I love him so much. But I also know that I have no choice. Does anyone have any advice about what I should do? Do I have absolutely no contact with him or try and be friends? This way at least maybe something could happen. It's so hard because our relationship was so amazing and we both agree that we wish we could have met later on in life. We always talked about the future and even getting married. I don't know what happened to make him feel this way. If anyone has any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it.

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Hi There jd21,

 

Well, it sounds to me like your relationship is certainly over. If I were you, I would be accepting that as soon as possible and moving on.

 

Regarding remaining friends, sometimes this can work. You need to be disciplined to do this, and I suspect that for the next while you would be better not having to deal with that as well as the break up.

 

Think about yourself, and be honest ! What would make things hard for you to get over this? Stay away from those hurdles, and don't make things harder for yourself. Perhaps the christmas thing isn't such a great ide for you, but you will know better about that than I.

 

Hope this helps you some,

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Hey, Jd.

While Charmed has some good arguments, I beg to differ at one of them.

 

I feel that the best friend you could possible ever have the pleasure of being with, could very well be that person that you've loved so much. Sure it will be hard when he finds someone new, but you two understand eachother so well eventhough there was a breakup. You've shared so much, and you know how eachother work and you can talk about almost anything..

 

Well it is certainly worth thinking about. I hope everything works out for the best for you, whatever your choice will fall upon.

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love could sometimes blind us... the way i see it i can say that he cares about you...but im not sure if he still loves you...maybe he just can't get the courage to tell you the truth about staying away from you....maybe he knows that you've done nothing wrong to give you such heartaches...so what he did...is to try to let you see that he is afraid of commitment.... and just try to be nice....and i think all you have to do now is to accept it....its hard i know...but its the only way to move on....keeping false hopes would make us desperate...later will cause anger...and soon...you'll realize you ruined your life...with the hope of getting him back...

 

that is as far as i have experienced..yours could be different...i just hope this give you some insights somehow...if he really loves you...maybe he'll comeback and if you are not hoping for his return...it would be a lot sweeter... good luck to you..you can make it..

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I agree in part with what everyone is saying.

 

I think the most important think to realise is what you want and need if it is good for you and doesnt hurt too much then stay friends. If it hurts then maybe you need to stop it. friendships like relationships have pros and cons and sometimes we need to work out what is best for ourself. i am not saying every thing should be 50\50 in terms of expecting things for what you give but sometimes we need to protect our own feelings and make sure friends dont hurt or abuse our friendships.

 

It may be worth taking some time out with no contact and seeing how you feel, exs can be superb friends but we need to be able to understand they are friends and dont let them get in the way of us moving on or other relationships if they do we need to change something. We can not live in the past but we need to move on. IMO people change as they get older and situations changes sometimes this means people we love and care about can not be our partners and it is not right to pretend otherwise but to the same degree it does not stop them feeling the same way. May be a bit unromantic but hey everyone has there own opinion.

 

Take care Tonk

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I heard something like this from my ex, and I thought it was a cop out. I think if you really love something you wouldn't want to risk letting it go because it may not come back. If your ex wants to experience college as a single guy, I understand. I spent most of my college life single, and I had a lot of fun. I started settling down towards the end of my junior year, which felt about right.

 

I hate to say this because you won't like hearing it, but you are young and have a lot of guys ahead of you. Just about all of them will be fun, some will be worth laughing over later, and a couple you will really miss. When you find the right guy again, it make going through all the other 'fillers' worth it. Besides, there is more than one person for everyone. There's six billion people on this planet. Half of them are guys! You're probably compatiable with at least a million of them. Maybe more.

 

As far as being friends, that is a tough one. I would recommend staying away for awhile. In any relationship you compromise, and in the end give up a little bit of yourself. Find out who you are again. Now you might feel alone, but you've got some exploring to do. There is a lot of opportunity for you out there, don't hold it all back worrying about trying to handle being friends with your ex. It is sad, but that is okay, it just means it was real. It just makes you better the next time until the right guy comes along. Who knows, maybe in the future he'll come back after college. Maybe by then you'll have someone else and it won't matter. . .

 

Keep your chin up no matter what you do. You miss a lot keeping it down all the time.

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Thank you so much for all of the advice. It's hard but I know that I have to move on. He actually said that he doesn't know what will happen in the future but that if we do ever get back together than we won't have any regrets and resent each other. He said though that he doesn't want me to hold on to us and he wants me to have fun. It's hard though. I was kind of hoping that when I saw him some feelings would have gone away but they were only stronger.

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