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living for my parents vs for me


spirited
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i'm applying to medical school, i just got waitlisted to what i had considered my "safety school." my family has ties to this school, and i have a good gpa, mcat score, and background. so what happened? i'm pretty sure it was the interview. for one thing, i'm a very shy person and so i'm already at a disadvantage. but i thing i blew the interview when i couldn't really answer this question: "why do u want to go to this school?"

 

i had come up with an answer the night before. but being asked it, i couldn't come up with my answer. maybe it was b/c i was so tired since i couldn't sleep well the night before. or maybe it was b/c i had practiced answers for other questions that i just forgot this one. but if i really wanted to go to that school, then shouldn't i have come up with an answer?

 

in my heart, i know i don't want to go to that school. it's just too close to home. and i just need to get away.

 

i don't know what i want to do. there was a time over the summer when i was so sure i wanted to be a doctor, but now i'm not so sure. it seems that my parents want me to go to med school more than i want to. they keep pressuring me, and the more they do, the more i don't want to. they make me forget if this is what i really want to do. i wish i could just tell them to back off and let me figure things out for myself. but i've never been able to stand up to my parents before.

 

i've always tried to make my parents proud. i've always done things for them. i'm in a major that i don't like because of them. i'm close to home because of them. and they're not bad parents. we're actually very close. they just have high expectations. (typical asian family) my biggest fear is disappointing them. i have a self-esteem problem, and i'm always afraid of not being good enough for them.

 

i have to tell my parents that i got waitlisted, and i don't know how to tell them. i want to tell them that i'm ok with it, but i know they won't be. i'm so scared. i don't know what to do.

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Hi. I didn't go through your whole post but it sounds very typical. You are also aware of your 'living for your parents'. I too went to school close (my parents bought a house and we had never had a house, though I wanted to get out on my own). I tried to date the 'right' guys for them (and for me I guess). I think I even moved to a place to make my mom happy (her home province).

 

Yup, now I am miserable. I know who I am now and who I was, the last child who lived with parents for too long and was too close.

 

You must get out now. I want you to yell out loud now all your feelings, tape them, write them down, whatever. Face them. If you don't face these negative things, they will come back to haunt you more than now. Good luck.

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