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i need advice pls!

i was totaly into this girl, we got together and everything wa sperfect for 2 mnths, by this time i was falling for her and then all sudden shes offered a job abroad for 4 mnths and she takes it up.

form the beginning she was alil scared about gettin involved, scared of being hurt etc etc and then when she knew she was going away and all she decided she wnated to break up, she was freaking out.

this obviously crushed me, i was so upset, everything was going so well and then this, anyways the thing is we still had feelings for each other so we kept spending every day together acting like a cpl and all, we even still slept together, she would get mad if i was lookin at other girls and all that typical stuff. anyways i kept asking her to let me wiat for her while she was overseas and then we could get back together but she kept tellin me not to wiat for her and that she didnt wnat to hurt me, this killed me, then one night i was going out with a girl friend and she got so upset and when she called me that night and got upset about it i told her that all i had been wiating for the past 6 weeks we had been broken up was for her to say she wanted to take me back , she then said " that was never goin to happen etc" this really really hurt.

so then i started ot move on even tho i loved her, she was leavin for overseas in 3 weeks, we hardly spoke, probably mostly because of me not speaking much and keeping my distance. she called quite abit and tried to see me etc.

she had got it into my head not to wait for her! she said it enough times!

then i started seeing someone liek the week before she left, 7 weeks after we broke up and about 2 weeks after we feel out all together, she found out i was seeings omeone and was kinda upset, then the day before she leaves she asks me to wait for her, sayin she did wnat me to wiat for her but told me not to because she was scared i wouldnt .

 

should i wait for her or not, shes goin overseas for 4 mnths, i thought we werent ogin to get abck together, and she had told me to f off and i started to move on, but what should i do???

and if i dont wait does that mean i dont really love her?

pls help

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Hi masterman,

 

It sounds to me like she is extremely confused about what she wants in a relationship. I mean your broken up, sort of, but then she wants you to wait for her? Your spending time together as a couple and sleeping together but she says "Its not gonna happen" with you two getting back together officially.

 

I do not think you should plan on waiting for her. Chances are, she is not going to wait for you while she is overseas. My guess is that she will go find someone else and you will be left behind. Its ok for you to be moving on with your life. It doesn't mean you don't love her - it just means you recognize the relationship is over. I still have plenty of love in my heart for some of my ex's even though I have not seen them in a very long time. But I recognize there is no relationship there and that they do not feel the same way about me.

 

Continue to move on like you had been doing. If it hurts too much you may need to stop contacting her for awhile until you heal.

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I agree with avman...

 

Loving her doesn't mean you need to get entangled in her confusion while she sorts out what she wants, and it really seems right now she doesn't know what that is. She doesn't want to give you up, and yet, she's not ready, for whatever her reasons are, to commit wholeheartedly to you while she's gone for 4 months. If she's this scared, I don't think there's any way you're going to be able to reassure her you're really waiting for her when she's away, regardless of what you say. LDRs are difficult enough when there is complete trust and security between two people, and that's something she still needs to work on, being able to trust, and being secure enough in herself to rely on someone sticking with her.

 

I'd take the time she's figuring out what she wants to do to do the same for yourself, get out and have fun, stay in touch if you can do that without hurting yourself, maybe use the time if you are in touch to really talk, since that's all you can do over distance. Get to know her more, let her get to know you more, but don't sit and wait and be miserable. If you find you're both still interested in a relationship when she's headed back, that's all well and good, and you'll both have a better understanding of each other to try it. If not, you won't have been miserable for months wondering if it's something you did, or could have done differently to make it work.

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