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Should I have sex with my bf?


icepixie
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okay.. my boyfriends birthday is coming up, and I think he thinks that I am going to have sex with him on his birthday.. should I do it? we've never had sex before. and we've only been dating about two and a half months.. I love him. but I don't know if I should. I want to also.. but what if something happens between us and we break up. I will be so hurt afterwards.. especially since I'd be losing my virginity to him.. What should I do? Help I need some advice!

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No, I don't think that you should. From personal experience, it sounds like you are not ready. When the time's right, you will know. From what I've been through, I can tell you that it's best to wait. There's no point in rushing. If I could go back and change things I would. So, in a sense, you are very lucky.

 

Once you start having intercourse, your brain releases this hormone called oxytoxin (correct my spelliing please, but I think that's how you spell it), anyway, once your body releases this hormone, it causes you to feel more love for this person. This hormone is also found during mother-child bonding such as breast feeding, thereforeeee, some mothers have maternal love for their children vs. some mothers don't.

 

Well, once you start getting intimate with someone, especially for women, you'll find that you get emotionally attached. When you break up, it takes about a year for this hormone to stop generating (thereforeeee, that could be an explanation for why women do not move on as fast). Men work differently, their horomones for love addiction is not as intense. I learned all about this in one of my G.E. classes.

 

So, my advice is to save it until you are married. Life is much less complicating when you don't do it. However, if you choose to, just make sure that you are emotionally stable enough to handle it. I mean with college coming up, you will need some kind of stability. Best of luck on your decisions. Sometimes it's good to learn from experience and not deprive yourself, but just make sure that you are prepared for it.

 

Take Care!

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thankx mahlina and mandylee4chris, I understand what you guyz mean.. maybe I will wait. It would make things a lot easier. but.. what if he leaves me or something.. because we dont do it... (I know ur gonna say then he isnt worth it) but like what if us not doing it wont allow us to get closer, and sooner or later we'd grow apart and break up... What should I do then?

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Hello icepixie

 

If your having doubts then your not ready.

 

Sex isnt about meeting deadlines or birthday presents. when you make love the first time it should be because you are ready and want it with all your heart, not because he is "expecting" it. and you have only known him for so little time, never try to win someones affectiion with sex, it doesnt work with guys believe me, he is not gonna love you more , because you had sex with him. your first time sould be special, and only when your 100% ready, no sooner!

 

In this situation id have to say, dont do it.

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No, do not have sex with him. You are too young and you want to be loved for more than just your body. You may break up years from now, can you deal with the fact that you gave up your virginity to a guy who is not with you anymore. If he really loves you he can wait.

 

I would not want to give my body to a person as a birthday gift, that is just too trashy. You will have to know the rest of your life that your sold your body out for some zit faced teen for his birthday who dumps you 6 months later. Date him longer, some guys are in it just for the sex. He may tell you he loves you, but what that really means is that he wants to have sex with you. If he really loves you he will wait.

 

Save yourself for your future husband... and he may not be your current boyfriend.

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I was in exactly the same situation a few months back (Im a virgin and we'd been dating for a month) I thought I loved him and he loved me and was considering sleeping with him. I decided not to because I was unsure, I knew I had to be sure. I did the right thing because he could`nt take the no sex thing (he'd expected to sleep with me after a few months) and buggered off. Its obvious from the fact that ur asking us whether ur should sleep ur bf that your not sure. You should be 100% sure when deciding about sleeping with someone. There should be no doubt in your mind, unsureness etc you should just want to. This just wanting to comes when you totally and fully trust your b/f. This kind of trust takes time, a lot longer than 2 and half months. Also its ur first time and for your first time 2 and half months is way to fast. All the virgins I know that lost it waited at least 6 months. 2 and half months is`nt long enough to trust someone to know that they wont bugger off in a week or two, to be sure you love them to be sure of anything. Ur still at the getting to know each other stage. The sex could push you apart rather than together. Ur virginity is precious save it for someone you know will be around in a month or two and that loves u (among other things this includes being prepared to wait until ur ready). Also he should'nt expect, whether its his birthday or not.

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no.... probably not this soon.... but if you feel that your ready then go for it... as well, but if he breaks up with you then i dunno.... i suggest not to rush in to this type of thing... but as well how old are you 2????? maybe i may just be being picky.... but i still suggest its to soon.... I may just being picky, but only 2 1/2 months....... its hard to tell

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Guys don't always understand how important it is to us to chose wisely whom we have sex with. With each partner that we agree to sleep with it lowers our own sense of self worth. He is asking for u to give him sex on his birthday makes you into an object to him, and I believe that his attitude thus cheapens the sex act. If he really cheerished you, he wouldn't set a time period for you to make up your mind to sleep with him, he would just know that the time will come sooner or later.

 

He may have been kidding, and for your sake, I think you should play it off as a joke, don't take him seriously on this matter. If you ask him I am sure that he'll tell you that he was making a joke.

 

In a way he is adding to the confusion by taking the matter so lightly and I think that you should tell him that. The other thing is that girls normally don't marry the guy that they lose their virginity with. Guys often do, but not so with girls, they wish to try out different styles of men before they make up their minds. Yes you'll be hurt by the end of the relationship if you feel that he tricked or pressured you into giving up something that you don't wish to give.

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mandylee

 

This is how women see sex and how they respond to it- it's purely emotional. Men however, desire sex for sexual release. The male sexdrive is much stronger than it is for women, and so men are much more able to have their need met, then withdraw emotionally

 

Woman are just as capable of having un emotional sex, just for the plain pleasure of it, and men are very capable of wanting sex as part of a intimate loving relationship.

 

I just experienced recently, where i was lied to by a woman that i thought let on that she was looking for something good and loving, she basically used me then that was it, two weeks later she goes off and has another one night stand, no regrets or anything. Me, I was hurt. first because I thought she liked me, second because I felt stupid to now have seen her for what she really was.

 

Woman players are almost as abundant as men, they just hide it better and operate differently. its very simple, lets take a girl, all she wants is sex, she see a guy she likes, a guy she knows is a "player" she flirts with him, acts like she really digs him and wants a long term thing, she sleeps with him, he never calls, she acts all upset, arent men bastards! and off she goes, clean rep because it wasnt "her fault" the guy was a jerk.

 

I do agree though, sex with love is 100 times better than just the plain physical kind. but then again it aint sex, its making love.

 

As for women and sex drive, well i have been lucky in that department because of the few long term relationships I had, the woman in my life had bigger sex drives than me, and I like it a lot. so thats also false. woman can desire sex just as much (if they are with the right guy) as men do.

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hey icepixie,

listen, I'm kinda going through the same thing, so I can understand what you're going through. My bf and I have been dating for 10 1/2 months, and he is traveling, a lot, in the military, anyway, it's been two months since I've seen him, three by the time he comes home. he's coming home for Christmas, and possibly his b-day (new years) and I told him that I would have sex with him. I've told him once before, the day before he left, and when the moment came, said no. He totally understood, and said we were moving at my pace (we're both virgins) and said the same thing when i promised again. i'm not sure if I'm going to or not, i love him, and I know he loves me, but I want things to be right, and I definatly don't want to do something i'm going to regret. So I'm going to suggest you the same thing I tell myself, think if it's worth it. is it worth it to have a bad experiance now, or wiat until the right moment. I hope we both make the right descions. Good luck, IM me if you need to. Yahoo! geckogirl692 and livia_eve25 and AOL jcjenks60

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Thankyou everyone really!

It makes a lot of sense what you all are telling me.. I know I should wait.. plus I know I am too young... but he is also a virgin ( i dont think I mentioned that) . but If he doesnt want to stay with me because I dont have sex with him.. then I can find someone else who will love me for me. not for anything that I can do for them. Maybe if him and I date for years.. I'll consider sex.. but otherwise I can just think about it in my head (lol heheheh) anyways.. I really just wanted to thank you all!

 

-Ice Pixie

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if he broke up with you because you wouldn't have sex with him, then he's a jerk. sex is some thing that should happen when both of you are ready, not just him. part of the relationship is considering each others feelings & if you aren't comfortable with some thing, then he should respect that. you can't count on sex to make fix the relationship if starts to die. a relationship is not based on sex. me & my bf have been dating for almost 9 months & we haven't had sex yet & we are still going strong. if you love each other so much then you can wait & your relationship won't die because of it if its meant to last.

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I doubt he would break up with me for that.. well I hope he wouldn't. I want to bring up how I feel, and talk it over with him. But I know that he will get mad that I feel this way, and he will say how I don't trust him and such.. and so it would just start a big mess that I don't want to get into..but should I do it anyways. or should I just keep how I feel inside?

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How old are you? YOU HAVE TO EARN TRUST.... after 2 months a relationship does not have that much trust.

 

 

You do not owe him any explaination of why you do not want to have sex. If he wants to know just say I am saving it for marriage. If he says he wants to marry you, then tell him when that day comes then I will have sex with you. Many people say they love each other and plan to get married but things happen sweetie. Even people who are engaged sometimes do not get married, until you say I DO, a guy can promise you anything and not follow through.

 

Honey, when I was a young girl (16) I had sex with a guy who also was a virgin like me. We were in love and had sex. 4 years later he cheated on me, and we broke up. AT the time we wanted to get married, but things change feelings change, and so may your boyfriends. After 2 months you really cannot tell what his character his. You may be opening pandoras box, making him into a teenage slut who willd ay anything just to get sex.

 

Wait for goodness sake, if he would dump you for not having sex then you did not need him. Trust me you will feel much worse to get dumped after you slept with him, than if you did, not and keep your virginity. So there is nothing set in stone, that he will marry you, or that he really loves you, even if he gives you a ring. Actions speak louder than words, and it sounds like he is more interested in getting in your pants than YOU!!Do not get played for a fool.

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