Husband doesnt like to use tongue!

[getalife]

Hi,

I am in a very weird situation. My husband of over a year does not like to use tongue while kissing. And before I found this site I had no one to share my problem with. So thanx for hearing me out in advance.The first time I used tongue during our first "session" he got revulsed and said he didnt like it. He always shuts his mouth if I try to use tongue. Otherwise our sex life is good. But I sometimes do need to feel more intimate during kissing. What should I do

Any help will be appreciated.

[akatoro]

Perhaps you could just try talking him into trying it. Because you do like it and a relationship is about satisfying both's needs and so on and so forth, right?

 

Good luck and happy kisses =)

(Hopefully more passionate ones as well)

[Gilgamesh]

Sounds like a phobia, my goodness, no french kissing? wow. I take it oral sex is out of the question also.

 

I have never heard of someone afraid to french kiss, heck I learned to do that at 12.

 

It really does sound more like a phobia then anything else, for example some people cant eat peanut buter, for fear it will stick to the roof of their mouth. etc.

 

You need to talk to him about this, tell him kissing is a part of being intimate, (many think its even more intimate then sex) and that kissing without the tongue is almost "clinical".

 

I think the best way to know if this is a phobia or just something he is grossed out about, is whether he performs oral sex on you or not, if he has no problem with that, then the tongue thing is a phobia, if he doesnt do it, then its a religious thing or he is just squeemish.

 

If you do determine it to be a Phobia, Look up a Neural Linguistic Practitioner (NLP) that specializes in phobias, these therapist can sometimes get rid of phobias in one session! if it turns out he is just grossed out, well, slap him silly and tell him to be a man, just kidding!

[sisterlynch]

If you have told him and he still doesn't try, tell him that there are plenty of guys who like to French Kiss and if he can't do so, then maybe you are better off with out him. He seems pretty closed off emotionally, and if he doesn't feel any pressure to change -- he won't and you'll go 15 or 20 more years and then you'll feel like he never loved you if he won't change on this one matter.

 

Tell him that you wish to receive psychological counseling on the matter because you don't feel that you are being fulfilled sexually!

[The Morrigan]

Is he averse to any more "creative" kissing, like nibbling on the lips, as well, or just literally the tongue in the mouth? Has he given you any idea at all why it bothers him?

 

I admit I was very put off French kissing for a long time because the first guy who kissed me and used his tongue used the "tonsillectomy" technique, and I'd never even been kissed before! It was very startling, and really put me off, for quite a while. Even now I tend to be a little wary of just diving right in.

 

If' he's got an issue with kissing in general, and he can't tell you or won't tell you why, yeah, I'd see if he'd be willing to see a counselor or therapist. While people vary a lot in what kissing styles they like the best, it's not typical to be really put off by the thought of experimenting to find what feels best. If he's willing to experiment a little with different kissing techniques, see if you can work up to it slowly, like using your tongue on the outside edge of his lips instead of trying to go inside, and ask him if that bothers him. Ask him what he does like, how he'd like you to kiss him, have him demonstrate on you and mirror what he does, maybe if it's more play and experimentation and less pressure it won't seem so much of mental block for him. But definitely talk to him about it, before you overthink the "whys" and start to question your attractiveness to him or anything!

[mahlina]

Some guys just really suck at doing it with their tongue. But, some guys are really good at it. I think that guys with a longer tongue are better at french kissing than guys with shorter tongues.

 

Try to get him to get used to it. It might feel retarded if you try to teach him yourself, but do it. It's actually funny when you try to teach him. What's most important is to get his tongue to relax. Sometimes, when people think about tongueing too much, they get tense, and then it doesn't feel natural.

 

You can try using strawberries. Put a strawberry between the both of your lips and bite into it at the same time, and then somehow tutor him how to use his tongue. Be creative!

[Gilgamesh]

I like mahlinas idea of using fruits, to get him used to doing something else with his mouth other then pecking.

 

mahlina, a long tongue can be useful in other ways as well