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Stupid Question Regarding Shyness / Reading Others


Krikkit
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Okay...this may make me seem rather stupid, but here goes.

 

I have a bit of a complex, in that I always think that anybody I meet doesn't like me, unless I've specifically been told otherwise. So I end up spending a lot of time trying to make people like me, when maybe they already do.

 

Anyway, the upshot of this is that the same problem extends to my interactions with the opposite sex. I've spent my life alone, having never dated anyone, and it seems that I have done so needlessly. My brother and a good friend of mine have both told me in the last few days that plenty of their friends think I'm attractive/sweet/"hot"/whatever. It's just that no one ever makes a move or lets me know...I can only assume they're just as shy/unsure as I am.

 

I guess my question is: how do I learn to read this in people? Barring that, how can I get people to let me know in some way?

 

Some might suggest that I just take a chance and ask someone, but to be honest, I'm not usually attracted to someone unless I know them really well or I know they like me, as well. Perhaps it's some sort of emotional defense mechanism or some such; in any event, it exists, and I can't seem to shake myself of it.

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Hello Krikkit,

 

The first question that jumps out at me is "Do you like yourself?". If you are so worried about whether others will like you it will drive you nuts. Since you aren't a mind reader (and I know I'm jumping to conclusions here but I figure I'm pretty safe) you can't possibly know what other people find interesting or attractive. So you are guessing.

 

If you are comfortable with yourself and you like yourself, then you can just go about BEING yourself. I think a lot of people find it attractive when somebody knows who they are. If you are comfortable with yourself, you will notice when others are taking an interest in you. Thats because you aren't spending all of your energy worrying.

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hey there Krikkit

 

avman is completely right. perfect response. its all about your attitude towards yourself. if you arnt happy with how you are, then it will be hard for you to feel this way about others. dont worry, im like that as are many many people. confidence is key! Sometimes its hard to jump out at things, because we think to much about the aftermath....which ofcourse is the worst possible outcome, and almost always 100% incorrect. i dont expect you to just start doing everything on impulse, just start slow. if you see someone you like, dont think about their opinions because they probably wont have any of you until you go up and talk to them. infact, dont think at all. you see someone you like, just approach before you think. i dont want to sound cliche, but regreting something you didnt do is much worse than something you did. if it doesnt work out the way you want, you should be darn proud that you even did anything! there are plenty of chances for you to find great people.

 

As avman said, theres no way of telling how people see you, sometimes you can just get hunches or notice signs, other than that you cant be certain of anything. You probably dont see it, but you can choose the people you want to be with, be it friends or girlfriends. Seize the moment man, impulse can be a great thing!

 

Good luck and dont be afraid to do what you want! (there is a boundary to that though heheh )

 

*+*Materia_Goddess*+*

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Hmmmm...I hadn't considered this at all, even though I've known it to be a problem in the past. Thanks for pointing out the obvious, guys!

 

Yeah, I've had confidence problems for years. I used to be a complete nerd (the stereotyped, completely fashion-less, glasses-wearing, hair-parted-on-the-side type), and most of it comes from years of being an outcast as a kid. It wasn't until I was 18 that I really got tired of it enough to do something. So I developed a sense of fashion, and changed not so much the way I acted, but how what parts of my personality I show to others. It didn't really change who my best friends were, but it did change the way I'm able to interact in everyday situations.

 

Anyway, ramble ramble ramble. I guess things like this don't really call for analysis. Thanks, and I guess I'll try to think a little less and do a little more. And I guess I'll try to feel better about myself, though I find it hard to do these days (even though I'm more popular than I used to be).

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