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WHy can't people just say I don't want to talk to you?


alwaysafraid
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In the past few months I have begum spending a lot of time on the internet in chat rooms and what not. If you have read my other posts I am sure a big reason for this is I have issues trusting people. Lately I have found it much easier to talk to strangers. Well this goes for the internet and in real life. Sometimes after talking to someone you realize that you really dont enjoy talking to them and vice versa. So why do people just start avoiding you. I have done it everyone has done it, but I have also asked people if they want me to leave them alone and they say no I really enjoy talking to you. I have my own issues but I am more hurt when I ask someone if they dont want to talk to me anymore and they say of course I want to talk to you then ignore me than I would be if they just said yeah hey your right this is not a good deal good luck have a nice life. I realize this is easier for the other person but when you are asked why cant you just be honest. Sorry just having issues. thanks for any insight anyone can offer.

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Hello there,

 

I can relate to this topic as one of the people who avoids this type of situation. I think the reason people do this is because they are non-confrontational people. Once I was told that a situation was not a confrontational situation, however, to me it appeared that way. While it may seem simple to just say to someone "I don't want to talk to you anymore," it is not always that easy, especially if you don't like confrontation.

 

Sometimes people may just want to avoid hurting someone else's feelings. In the end, as is the case in your situation, the other person gets hurt because they just wanted the first person to be honest with them and let them know they were not interested in conversing further. The first person could have avoided the situation by just coming out and telling the second person, however, they may have been more afraid of hurting them initially through being honest. It logically doesn't make sense, but sometimes logic just doesn't make sense in certain situations.

 

The best bet when dealing with a non-confrontational person is to either try to talk it out with them and force them to be honest, sort of a back them in a corner type idea, or just let them go if they are that bad. The second will be the most desired by the non-confrontational person, but if they are really important to you, you should try to mend things. Sometimes you have to force confrontation on someone to get a problem resolved. This works for all involved because it teaches the non-confronting person to confront their issues straight on, and it allows the other person insight into their feelings.

 

I hope this helped and I wish you luck with those you meet in your life!

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Speaking for myself, I know at least on the internet, much of the time if I stop talking to someone, it's not just them, it's that I find myself short on time and have to limit myself to a few close friends. Even when I intend it to last a day or so, it may drag on for a week or more depending on my schedule. It's not that I don't like them, and not that I don't enjoy talking to them, just that when I have to set limits and really prioritize, the people I don't know as well and haven't formed the closer attachments to end up being the ones I don't have the time for. They end up falling into the same priority as other things that are more entertaining and for enjoyment than the things I KNOW I have to make time for, busy or not. And to be honest, sometimes I just don't have the energy to expend after I've taken care of all the necessities of day to day living and touching base with my closest friends (only like 4 people) and making time for some "off duty" talk with my kids.

 

At least from me, it's not an insult, and not that I don't find their company enjoyable, it's simply time and energy constraints often don't allow for much contact with people I'm just beginning to know.

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