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What do I do now that the comfort is gone?


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Ok since my gf of 5yrs dumped me for my best friend I've been doing a lot of thinking and have decided maybe I need to go look for someone else. Since our split I've been spending a lot of time with friends and have been on like one date but nothing serious at all. I just want to find someone that can help me put my heart back together and I'm not sure at all about how to do it.

 

My ex and I started dating when we were 12 and it took a year before we kissed eachother. Now that I have been meeting other people it just seems everyone wants to move so fast and in all honesty it kind of scares me. I have a hard time talking to other girls about how I feel and I feel like I'll never be able to talk to another girl and tell them why I feel a certain way. With my ex we had a comfort zone with eachother and talked about everything and anything and now that I dont have her anymore I dont know what to do. Its even hard to talk to long time friends about all of this but if I dont talk about it i get depressed and start crying.

 

I dont know im just rambling. I guess what steps do i take to develop a good relationship with another girl and how do i open myself up a little and get rid of the wall in my heart?

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Its difficult to start all over again with somebody new. You have to take it slow - after all it takes time to develop that "comfort zone" with somebody else.

 

There's nothing wrong with you wanting to take it slow. Don't put so much pressure on yourself to quickly get involved with somebody. Take your time and have fun meeting some other people. When it feels right to you and you trust somebody, then you can start opening up and letting them in. You'll know when the time is right.

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My advice would be to take it slow for a while. Enjoy life being single for a while and allow time to reflect on yourself. Go hang out with some of those buddies of yours and rediscover some of the true qualities of having fun outside of a relationship. That's what I had to do after my breakup, though it was nowhere near as long of a relationship as yours, but that's besides the point. When your ready things will pick up and you'll become more comfortable with yourself and your feelings and how to express them. Hope this helps.

 

-Edge666

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I'm not sure if I should be the first person to respond to your topic, but maybe what I have to say may help. I think that you being scared to move on fast with anyone, is perfectly normal...and if people don't respect that, than they aren't worth your time. Also, I believe that all you have to do to find that person you feel comfortable enough to talk to is become friends with someone...then work up to a level that you feel confident enough in your friendship to share how you feel with them.

And who knows you may find that that person is right for you.

You can't keep your feelings bundled up inside though... I'm getting over a breakup right now, and I still tell my ex how I feel and it helps...maybe if you are still talking to your ex you could talk to her about how you feel, but with what happened I doubt you are talking to one another... You just have to trust people enough to tell them what is on your mind and that takes time. I hope that you do find that person that will listen and understand... good luck

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That comfort zone that you are referring to is called 'trust'. Basically, she broke your bond of trust. Naturally, people will lose their faith in others once people hurt them.

 

I must compliment you on your healing process. Like you said, people do have a tendency to hit home run too fast nowadays. However, I think that it's important to not go too far with anyone for now, b/c once you start getting all intimate with others too soon without the commitment, love, and all of the emotions, you will lose meaning behind what sex should be.

 

It's all too often that one person will jump right into another relationship with someone else once they break up with another partner to fill in a void. I think that the healthy alternative is to let yourself grieve for a while and then move on. Otherwise, you're just clinging to the illusion of someone who you think that you're madly in love with, when you're not.

 

You are still young though. There are plenty of nice young ladies out there. Don't loose hope, especially with opening up with others. You will find that special bond someday, and your comfort zone will always be there with you, you just have to be careful with whom you would like to share share your most personal feelings with.

 

Meanwhile, focus on yourself. Stay away from the ex. She'll regret what she did to you sooner or later.

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