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Problems attracting girls


Edge666
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Well this is pretty much a familiar to post as everyone I'm sure has had this problem. I've posted about this problem a few months ago and I was very disapointed with the replies I received; I never benefited much from the feedback. Before you read on please note that I don't want any replies saying something along the lines of: "Don't worry about it, someone will come along for you when you least expect it." Maybe that is true but I'm not a patient person and I like to work towards what I end up with for the most part. With that being said go on and read ahead.

 

So here's the dealio about myself: I'm 16 (as of Nov. 5th), 5 foot 9 inches tall (roughly), 148-154 pounds (varies day to day), light brown/reddish hair, spiked messy hair, side burns, short/medium-trim gotea, lots of freckles, faded blue eyes (greyish almost), mild/moderate acne. My hobbies and interests include soccer during summer, fall, and winter and track during the spring, playing electric guitar, punk, rock and heavy metal music, weight lifting, physical fitness, web design, mythological and ancient histories - so as you can see I'm very well physically fit and muscular. My style is unique: I almost always wear very baggy (to the point my boxers show) dark tan khaki's with a chain hanging from them, with some sort of dark tee shirts with skating companies or music clothing companies, and at colder time hoodies with the same slogans and whatnot. I usually don't care to know most people, and I almost always have a negative, if not hostile feeling, towards alot of people (males more commonly). My attitude is different than alot of people would expect, I really don't care what other people think of me or my style and how it portrays me. I'm also very shy, but once I get going I can be pretty outgoing and hilariously stupid (purposely of course). I have a reputation of being extremely lazy, but when I do try to do something I do it well, and I'm very intelligent school wise if I try at that too (though I lack motivation for school, but I care enough not to fail or drop out).

 

Now that you know basically who I am here's my problem: I simply cannot seem to attract any girls. I have had one girlfriend in my past, that was during my previous year of highschool (freshman year) which started near Christmas and lasted nearly 3 months but ended in a rather violent break up. I can not help but to gather from that, that I must be a pretty good catch if my first relationship lasted that long, but maybe I'm wrong.

 

Then there this other matter. I go to a private school and the freshman class this year brought in 60 some persons. I tried to further extend a relationship with one girl before school had even started I met at soccer practices but that never kicked off, but we are still friends to this day. I have had my eye on another freshman who also played soccer. I've made my feelings known to a few about her over the last month or so and I really want to start picking things up with her. I have not until recently even said a simple "Hi" to her because I'm so shy. But I finally did about a month ago, and had one conversation with her after school only about sports though - nothing else came to mind. This was 2 weeks ago. I am now kicking myself a bit because I had talk to her online once and brought up basketball because she had told me she loved the sport so I convinced her to go out for tryouts as I knew she was having doubts about. Now she past the cuts and is on the freshman team and I kick myself because due to my encouragement she made the team and in turn has practice every day after school making it nearly impossible to talk to her. But still I know how much she loves basketball and I was so happy to see her make the team and just see her be happy. There's also the fact that this girl knows I like her. I assume it's a good thing that this girl knows I like her and that she's still talking to me. Her friend, also my friend, talks to her periodically about me and has told me several things they've conversed about. One was that the girl though I was a bit weird because I was so quiet and I always hunched up. She's really quiet too, but I guess hunching up is my way of feeling secure. I'd like to improve these two aspects though. That's about all I've heard so far, and our friend, nor I, have heard if she does or does not like me. I assume she's still curious about me and is a bit passive in getting to know me. I really want to start picking things up with this girl and start hanging out with her to get myself more popularized to her and her friends.

 

Now here are my questions.

 

Regarding the first problem - What am I doing wrong or what's wrong with my appearance that girls don't find themselves attracted to me?

 

Regarding the second problems - How do I go about talking to this girl? What do I talk to her about? How do I let her know that I want to hang out with her and get to know her? Most imprtantly how do I make my move on her?

 

 

ANY help is appreciated. Just don't say the right one will come along sometime, everyone including myself knows that's a bunch of Bull... More help on the second problem would be greatly appreciated. I'm so into this girl and I barely know her. Thanks in advance if I don't get time to post again.

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Okay... first off, hunched over as far as body language goes can often give the "go away" impression. It comes accross as a very "closed off" attitude, and can make you seem unapproachable. A bit of a slouch just seems to come accross as "eh, whatever..." but actually being more hunched over is like building a bit of an "invisible wall" between you and "The World." Only someone who's already very familiar with you is likely to know it's ok to try to approach you. You gotta understand - us girls are pretty sensitive about approaching anyone when we're not sure of our reception as well - if the general impression we get is you'd rather be left alone, or if you have the bad luck to be feeling hostile towards another GUY and we see it, we're gonna figure there's a good chance we'll get blown off or pushed aside and talk to someone we know will welcome us, even if it's another girl! I'm not saying this has actually HAPPENED yet, but say you're walking along and don't notice there's a girl watching, and you're projecting those hostile feelings... if this chick thinks you did see her? She's gonna think you really don't like her. I mean, turn it around, if you thought a girl saw you and she was acting hostile, wouldn't your first reaction be to think "oh dude... she hates me for some reason..." In a lot of ways we're not THAT different there.

 

Now, this girl... you've already got a pretty good reason to start a convo with her. If you can, I'd watch the end of one of her practices, wait for her, and ask her how it's going since you'd talked about it before and you'd encouraged her to try out. There's every reason there for you to be interested in how she's getting on with it since you were involved in her going for it! Talk her up a bit without going overboard, tell her you're really glad she made the team, you knew she could do it, tell her you'd like to see her play sometime when games start etc. I mean, you can ask her how her classes and all are going, if she's keeping up ok now that she has practice all the time, if you're into basketball yourself what things she's trying to work on or what she's found she's pretty good at - most people like to talk to someone they know is really interested in what they're saying, and you've got some common ground to work with already. Give her the opportunity to know you a little better and see how she acts around you then. Keep it light and casual and interested in her, tease her a bit if the chance comes up, make her laugh since you said that's how you are after you know someone.

 

Dunno if this answers anything you were asking, hope it helps a little!

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Hey The Morrigan what you said there.. is true.. and i think it's happening to me as well.. Now that i know what a girl's perception is.. your view on this incident.. what is the best solution for that.. how do u know it's OK to have a convo with a girl or even the girl comfortably wants to talk to me.. don't get me wrong though.. i simply feel the same way if i'm not comfortably speaking to a girl in general specially the girl i like.. anyway thanks for that reply.. it probably cleared some things in my head

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The Morrigan made a very good point. Body language does play a very important role in the others decision. I am like you in many ways, from the hobbies you enjoy to the fact to being extrememly shy and withdrawn. However, the only real obsticle is here is overcoming shyness.

If there is a great distance between you two I can understand. Believe me I went three years without ever talking to a girl that I had fallen in love with. But If you find it very difficult to talk to her try some of these techniques; Find out her friends and try to make friends with them. This will bring you closer to understanding her likes other than basketball. If shes wearing something someday that you are aware of. Comment her on it and try to keep a conversation going. The best way to go though, I believe, is having a friend that is one of her friends. That way when shes talking to your friend you can go up and ask him/her something and maybe a conversation will start between the three of you. Keep smiling at her to show that your interested and eye contact is not a bad thing. If she returns the same eye contact then try to keep talking. Also try to catch her off guard looking in your direction at times. If you catch her there is a slight chance that she may like you also. Do not let this carry on though without talking to her. Take Morrigans advice in some of the questions you could ask her. I hope this helps

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I got some rather bad news on the second topic... A conversation started on that girl I like among a few of us and my ex girlfriend (whom is literally a bitch) overheard and said "oh i know who you like, so and so" "she doesnt like you, dont worry" in a really cocky voice. This really makes me mad, I don't even want to think of the lies my ex has told this girl about me. I'm going to ask our better friend from her class who knows the situation about me and my ex and explain it to her and see if it is indeed true or not that she doesn't like me. I don't want to believe my ex but knowing her she probably screwed it up for me somehow. My friend and time will only tell now I suppose. Ill post an update later.

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yeah man... don't be so concerned about it. Just go for it... I found that not actually liking a girl, and just hangin' out with her and all will eventually spark your interest, and once you and her are good friends and know you can talk about anything, then a relationship is sure to start.

 

I think that these, "Oh she looks cute I am gonna go for her" always turn out kinda awkward... and most never work. You gotta be able to make her laugh, make her carry on a good conversation. Things I talk about are other people's problems... like if there is a guy trying to hook up with a girl, talk about it. Its like the play Hamlet... PARALLEL PLOTS!!!! haha... Don't worry about this stuff. I myself am 17, I am a hardcore slacker. You seem to portray that I don't care kinda attitude that I have. What you gotta do is like use that as your jokes. Make sure you can not only show the slow aardvark like I don't care thing, but also the crazy clown who doesn't care what people judge you by. That way you can find those that really are interested in you as opposed to the jerks in school.

 

I used to set my eyes on girls and like try and get them. They were never really successful. Maybe we hooked up, but we were usually drunk. I wait for girls to take an interest in me. When you kinda notice something, talk to her friends, eventually one of them will spill the beans

 

Ask her if she wants to go drinkin' or something (if she drinks of course). Girls in High school think its cool or whatever to do that (you better provide the alcohol). I dunno, thats how me and my gf hit it off.... we both realized we took an interest in each other, and I straight out told her once I was pretty sure she was curious in me. I didn't ask her out, I was like "So whats between us?" Some girls may think thats cocky, but to me that is my honest question. I never have been known for being a man of words... I done some drugs last year that kinda made me slow, but I also use that as liek something I have overcome, I stopped using them this year. ugh worst times of my life... yeah so.

 

About the image... well depends on what kinda girl she is. Don't make that punk image if that isn't you. i used to wanna be punk/popular... an all that. So to do so I became good friends with one of them, then went to parties and pretty soon i was in the back of a car smoking the car out like an idiot just to become popular. Still didn't get girls and I finally said, hey I am just gonna be who I wanna be. Tell you the truth I could care less about those guys, they are jerks, and just look to get laid. So I backed off and became my own freelancer kinda guy, I just do pretty much what I wanna do. I used to dress punk like you with the chain and all... then I changed my image now I went hardcore prep, long hair, kinda the surfer look, always button down collared shirts, jeans, and sandals. Its just an easy chill look. It also gives me an excuse to unbutton my shirt a bit to show off the muscles (can be cocky, you gotta know how to play that right). i say if someone thinks I am an idiot or whatever, I just make a joke out of it and move on. Don't get stuck on the little things, *beep* happens man, just live it up.

 

Helpin' another.

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