Was breaking up with her a huge mistake?

[Anonymous82]

Okay, I was just going by paragraphs 6 & 7, how he viewed her as sweet and cute, but couldn't see her as sexy despite the lingerie she would try to buy, etc, and then you went on to say how you felt the same way and how you were no longer attracted to her in that way ....

 

That's a symptom of falling out of love, though. It is definitely possible to see a girl as sweet, cute, AND sexy.

[SuB-ZeD]

So, it's been i think about 2 months now since we broke up. We've seen each other and hung out maybe about 3 times during this "break up". The stupid thing is I don't know what's wrong with me. When I'm not around her and at home I'm more or less nonchalant towards her. But when we hang out the same thing always happens. When I'm with her we have a decent time together, but when I'm about to drop her off and say goodbye again, I get tears in my eyes, and then she does too.

 

People ask me "are you going to marry this girl?" I really can see us together and married. And when I sat down and was having lunch with her, I thought to myself "wow she really is a gorgeous girl, so what the hell is wrong with me?"

 

So, I dropped her off at home and when I got home I spoke with here again on the phone. She said that she can't do this in between thing anymore, and that she doesn't want to know what I'm doing. It hurts her that I've been talking to other women and whatnot. So, she told me she has deleted me off facebook and msn and that it's probably best we not talk for a little while.

 

I agree that it's probably best that we give each other some space. Maybe it wasn't really like we were broken up until she cut off these "ties". Maybe I'm finally starting to realize what is happening here, and that I hadn't truly made a decision yet because I was still seeing her here and there.

 

Wow, I think to myself "how did we get here?" What saddens me the most is that we were just two strangers, and we ended up loving each other, and even considered each other like family. That does not happen every day. It's very hard to find I know. It's like she's a gift that has been put in front of me and that I'm doing myself a great injustice by not being with her. This is why I just want to drop everything, mend things with her and forget about other women, and stop going out to clubs with my friends. Maybe just going back to her is a drastic decision? Maybe now that our ties are broken, this really is a breakup and I should give myself more time?

[helpme11111]

wow, I know exactly what all of you guys are going through. I am currently going through kind of the same thing.

 

You know when you said "wow she really is a gorgeous girl, so what the hell is wrong with me?",

 

I question myself with that same thing as well.

 

Can I ask how old you guys are with experiencing such an issue as this in your life??

[SuB-ZeD]

I'm 23, turning 24 in April. She's 26, turning 27 in may.

[helpme11111]

I really really wish more people had input on this situation because these exact same situations are something I am experiencing this exact moment in my life, and it kind of hits home to maybe help understand what I am dealing with. I am really unsure at all what is wrong with me.

[Anonymous82]

If you decide you want to go back to her, before you try, I'd make sure you're convinced it's the right think to do and you're not just confusing the sadness of missing her with being in love, as people often do. I'm sure you'd agree that the worst thing you could do would be to go back to her, have her accept, and then break her heart all over again.

[helpme11111]

If you decide you want to go back to her, before you try, I'd make sure you're convinced it's the right think to do and you're not just confusing the sadness of missing her with being in love, as people often do. I'm sure you'd agree that the worst thing you could do would be to go back to her, have her accept, and then break her heart all over again.

 

 

exactly....here was my situation a few months ago when I had just started talking to this girl :

 

but since then, I have figured out that honestly, my ex isnt an issue, and honestly I have no intention to go back.

 

But since letting her go this time around (the newest girl...not my ex), I have actually let a couple days pass and want to know for sure what my problem is...and I continue to keep doing this until I am 100% sure or close to knowing what is going on with me.

[helpme11111]

I'm 23, turning 24 in April. She's 26, turning 27 in may.

 

same age range for myself.

[SpeedingCars]

Just a little question...do you think there's anything your exes could've done to make you guys see them differently then? Or do you think THEY personally didn't change, it was just your perception of them?

 

Y'all are saying they're not "sexy" anymore in your eyes and you had no desire to go on trips together or spend quality time, so was it because your exes got boring (you initially thought they were attractive)?Or perhaps they were just too "nice" and would give you anything you wanted?

 

I'm curious because now I am getting a little scared! I have been with my guy for roughly 3 years and I don't want him to fall out of love with me like I am reading.. so I am hoping there's things I can avoid or things I can do to HELP prevent that (...I emphasize *help* because I know nothing is guaranteed & you can't make someone "feel" a certain way).

[helpme11111]

Just a little question... do you think there's anything your exes could've done to make you guys see them differently? Sorry if I'm sabotaging your thread. It just seems to "flow" with what you guys are saying.

 

I mean, y'all say you didn't see them as "sexy" anymore and you just weren't really that into them as you once were, correct?

 

Was it because your exes were submissive? Or because they were just too "nice"? I'm getting a little scared now, because I have been with my guy for roughly 3 years and I don't want him to fall out of love with me like I am reading.

 

well my issue with my current person I am just 4-5 months into...but I never let my real feelings get carried away.

 

If he hasnt given you a reason to think he is falling out of love, then dont sweat it.

 

Just be yourself, thats what he will probably appreciate the most.

[SuB-ZeD]

Just a little question...do you think there's anything your exes could've done to make you guys see them differently then? Or do you think THEY personally didn't change, it was just your perception of them?

 

I don't think there's anything she could have done. She didn't really change, it was just my perception of her. I still find her to be beautiful, believe me. However, I guess the "sexy" thing still isn't there. I'm starting to wonder if that even matters to me now though.

[helpme11111]

im getting really depressed...Its only been since friday night, and I am genuinely starting to miss her. The thought of her moving on in this time is really starting to hit hard, and the thought of me maybe losing her when this girl, might have been truly the one to never hurt me again....I mean since the time we met in November, she has put up with my up and down up and down * * * * like crazy......I dont know if anyone else would have done that. Now that she hasnt been around (as far as seeing or talking to her much), the thoughts of certain things sadden me. I dont really think that I am confusing this with guilt, but I think i genuinely miss her.

 

I really starting to wonder (even though its just been 2 days....if I should suck it up....try this out, and point blank, commit to a relationship with her)

 

I think that really, I might be this way with anyone.

 

I thought it might have been a looks thing...but that is Shallow...this girl is very very attractive, and her qualities and girl she is that I know so far, make up for anything I think she might lack of the "ideal" girl I fantasized about.

 

Im soooo close to ending this, and asking her to become mine, and ask for forgiveness for being up and down. I just dont ever wanna be this way with her again. She is the first time I have ever been like this.

 

I dont know if my past relationships play a part or not. She is the first girl I have ever been the "dumper" on.

[Anonymous82]

Did you rush into dumping her? If it was a well thought-out decision, you owe yourself and her to give it more than two days. Otherwise, you risk getting back together only to end up hurting her even more down the road. It's easy to confuse missing her with being in love with her.

[helpme11111]

Did you rush into dumping her? If it was a well thought-out decision, you owe yourself and her to give it more than two days. Otherwise, you risk getting back together only to end up hurting her even more down the road. It's easy to confuse missing her with being in love with her.

 

well honestly, the girl I was seeing, we werent officially a couple. Just did couple like things, etc. I never committed to her in the first place just because I never manned up to do it because of a lack of feeling I felt I was missing. But though we werent official, and I didnt "love" her yet or make her officially my girlfriend, it still feels like I dumped her. It is eating me up.

 

This wasnt something I rushed to do...As I talked to her about what my thoughts were and how I was feeling all of the time. It wasnt her that was unsure about feelings...it was me.

 

I dunno why I was this way with her, but I just started becoming up and down and up and down within the 4 months, and honestly I decided that it wasnt healthy and something to do to her.

[helpme11111]

well I have something at my house that belongs to her that I need to give her, so I am thinking about meeting up to eat with her and do dinner.

 

Good idea??

[igotdumped]

I have a question for all of you who said you werent "that in to" your girlfriends. Did you truly love them? Or it wasn't a matter of loving them. It was just that they weren't right for you although you can't really come up with a reason why. And also the fact that you weren't that into them?

 

I'm asking because my bf broke up with me and his reasoning still doesn't really make sense to me. So I'm wondering if good relationships (not abusive, no cheating, no LDR) end because one of the people (usually the guy) is not that into the girl although they might be very compatible and have a great time together? I know it's way more complicated than that but that's what people have told me.

[Anonymous82]

I have a question for all of you who said you werent "that in to" your girlfriends. Did you truly love them? Or it wasn't a matter of loving them. It was just that they weren't right for you although you can't really come up with a reason why. And also the fact that you weren't that into them?

 

It depends. People have different definitions of the word "love." I still cared about her a lot. I haven't seen her in a year and I still think of her from time to time and hope she's doing OK. But I just eventually got to a point in the relationship when I came to the gradual conclusion that I didn't connect with her in a way that allowed me to see myself spending the rest of my life with her.

[helpme11111]

I havent allowed myself to actually get to that point of saying I love her.....I feel very strongly for her...but for some reason I felt something was still missing, and I dont know what in the world that it is. Because honestly she has all of the qualities of a mate that I would look for.....just something keeps me being up and down and up and down with her...and I told her that I dont want to string her along and continue to hurt her while I do that.

[90_hour_sleep]

i think it's possible that a breakup can be completely necessary for the future of a relationship...but i don't think it can do that in a matter of days. the emotions you're going through right now are very natural post breakup feelings...but i don't think you're in a position to honestly assess the situation. you need to move into a situation where you can be rational...where you can really trust the things you're feeling. it sounds like you're just feeling loss at this point.

 

give it some time.

[Anonymous82]

i think it's possible that a breakup can be completely necessary for the future of a relationship...but i don't think it can do that in a matter of days. the emotions you're going through right now are very natural post breakup feelings...but i don't think you're in a position to honestly assess the situation. you need to move into a situation where you can be rational...where you can really trust the things you're feeling. it sounds like you're just feeling loss at this point.

 

give it some time.

 

I completely 100% agree with this.

[90_hour_sleep]

i know its tough. i might be a little biased...considering my own situation.

but i've done a lot of constructive thinking on this. i don't think there is anyone that can really tell you what's right for your own situation. obviously we can all give advice based on experience...but when it really comes down to it...you'll be the only one that will really know. just try to get in touch with your own feelings. i don't mean pros and cons...i mean real emotional honesty. the time will come when you know what you need to do.

 

i do agree with the idea of really taking time for yourself. i think that's important. you may feel you've lost touch with yourself. try to figure out your own personal happiness. i know for me...i didn't feel happy with myself more than anything. just lost very important parts of what made me me. it was actually pretty extreme. years of problems and emotions tucked away somewhere. i couldn't start to understand my relationship until i dealt with these things. still dealing with them...but it's a change...and a change for the better. it's unfortunate...because sometimes i don't think our SO's are really in a position to help. i know it's easy for people to say ''if you really love each other...there should be no hangups...no breakups''...i think the fact that people have found each other...and discovered a much more worthwhile relationship after the fact...is proof that this isn't always the case. hanging on might only postpone the really difficult feelings...but i think that's a chance that you have to take if it feels right to you.

 

you'll find your own way.

 

hang in there.

[langford]

No if she was the one you would'nt need to come on here and have it clarified by us, you would'nt need to assure yourself by asking strangers,you wouldnt be asking this question - there would be no doubt in your heart,head or soul.

 

Is it possible that it could take breaking up with someone to make you realize she may be the one?

[helpme11111]

I just have issues. Im my mind and stuff she seems soooo right. I am afraid of letting her go and losing what could be possibly the best person to come around yet, but honestly I havent given myself that chance with her to see...and I hate that!!

 

We went to dinner last night because she needed to get a couple things that she had left behind at my house. Dinner went ok. I could see she was hurt, and it hurt me as well. I couldnt help but get watery eyes.

 

I continually asked her if there was anything she would like to talk about (in hopes that something somehow someway might make me understand what my deal is), but the only thing that ever happens is, I try to explain why I am doing what I am, and she says there isnt much to say really about it, that what can she say?

 

its been just a little less than a week, and im still wondering if being away is what I truly truly want. I just dont wanna be up and down with her if I were to go back to her, or anyone for that matter. If i did go back to her, I would man up and bite the bullet and officially start something with her.

 

I feel i have problems...but in a way I feel its just normal that people get confused.

 

Some people say that maybe I should talk to a therapist / doctor.

[Anonymous82]

No if she was the one you would'nt need to come on here and have it clarified by us, you would'nt need to assure yourself by asking strangers,you wouldnt be asking this question - there would be no doubt in your heart,head or soul.

 

Um... You may want to read through the thread and you'll discover I reached that conclusion about 10 months ago. This thread was started a year ago.

[SuB-ZeD]

Um... You may want to read through the thread and you'll discover I reached that conclusion about 10 months ago. This thread was started a year ago.

 

Did you actually come to this realization? Or a different one? Do you really believe that if she is "the one" we wouldn't be here contemplating? I mean, many people have doubts...