ex trouble

[adasiyan]

hi guys,

 

heres my story....

i moved to new zealand after meeting a guy off the net and we got engaged and i lived there for a year, it didnt work out so i came home.

about 7 months after that i started seeing a man 12 years older than me, he had just separated from his wife so we took things very slowly.

we were together on and off for about a year before i had enough and moved down to melbourne to start fresh. during the time that we were together he couldnt decide whether he wanted to be with me or his wife, so it was very unstable after each breakup my depression would get so bad to the point i tried to kill myself on several occasions or drank to the point i gave myself alcohol poisoning.

after i moved away to melbourne we didnt speak to each other for nearly 6 months, then we started talking again and it turned out while he was with me he was falling for one of our friends and moved up to qld to be closer to her... he ended up finding out what a headcase she was and moved to brisbane.we started talking again not long after i started dating my current boyfriend, he tried to convince me to leave him and go back to him but i couldnt because all i had of this man was bad memories.

i went to visit him earlier this year and just seeing him made me feel like my heart was being ripped out. we ended up sleeping together which made things much worse and the thing that really gets me down is that he feels that since we are "friends" he can talk to me about the women that he dates and his feelings for them. now hes gotten his girlfriend pregnant, and hes in love with someone other than her and is asking my advice.

 

i love my current boyfriend dearly, but i still hold a flame for this man that i loved so dearly who treated me so badly.

 

i just wish i could totally get over him, ive been trying for almost a year but the hurting hasnt lessened

 

any suggestions?

[The Morrigan]

Yeah, though I bet you've already considered it yourself...

 

It really sounds like it's in your best interests to break off all contact with this guy, permanently. I know, it might hurt at first - but look at his track record. It doesn't seem like he can stay committed and faithful to any one person to save his life, and he doesn't want to completely let go of you either. You don't need to be put through an emotional ringer every time he comes out of a relationship and thinks he sees he wants you again, and then falls for someone else, and instead wants your support as his best buddy! Your friend isn't the only headcase here - this guy needs to get a grip on himself, and as long as you're there to come running to, he won't. It's not your job to be his lover, ex lover, sister, mommy, and Dear Abby all rolled into a package deal here. I'm not sure if he's CP, or just in love with the idea of BEING in love, but it's not your responsibility to straighten him out. Yeah, you're being a friend to him, but at what cost to yourself? Is he being a friend in return and being considerate of what he's putting you through? As long as you let yourself get drawn into his world and his problems, you're going to maintain a bit of a "connection" with him, and it's going to be well-nigh impossible to move past him, because he's got you involved on so many different levels. It's time to tell him you'll always care about him, but you need to put yourself and the relationship you're in first, and the friendship with him is hurting you. And tell him you're sorry, but at least for the foreseeable future, you can't be in touch with him anymore. Put yourself in that number one spot and do what's best for you - he's certainly considering himself before you, you need to start doing the same thing and put yourself first.