I feel like I am put second to his friend . . .

[xoxoxo21]

Hey everyone. I will try and make this as short as I can with all the details!

 

Blunty, I feel as though my boyfriend picks his best friend over me. Like I come second to his friend.

 

Let me start. THERE IS NOT ONE DAY THAT THEY DO NOT SEE EACHOTHER! My boyfriend goes over to his house EVERYDAY at the same time. Then they go to the gym and work out together. They go places together and etc. They even spend Saturday and Sunday together. No matter what.

 

I ask him if he can EVER go ONE day without going over there, and he tells me no. He always jumps to do things with him. But when it comes to me he won't. If me and him have plans and his friend calls, he'll ask me if we can invite him and his girlfriend along. It's like he is afraid that if he doesn't see him ONE day that they wont be friends anymore. Another thing; when I ask to go over with him, he tells me no. That it's not my place to be. It's his friend and I'll be bored. . .he tells me. I just want to be included.

 

I tell him how I feel and he tells me to just deal with it. He doesn't understand how it makes me feel. Maybe this is because I am overreacting??? We live together but it seems like I hardly see him.

 

Am I being selfish? How can I get through to him? Without anyone talking baldy about him and telling me i need to break it off . . .I dont need to hear that ok?

 

THANKS to anyone who helps.

[Gilgamesh]

Wow.

 

Well xoxoxo

 

Why is it you want to keep going through life blindfolded? why do you want to keep believing something that is not true?

 

You know the truth, but just dont want to accept it, you hope for another explanation from the obvious.

 

You would rather find fault in yourself then to believe anything wrong with him.

 

well I am not blinded by the love you feel for him..

 

You are absalutely correct, He does put you second, why you think that is?

 

he doesnt care about your feelings, why you think that is?

 

He has fun with his friends, and does what with you? Hmmm sex am i close?

 

He doesnt want you around when he doesnt need you, Hmmm what could that be?

 

Your a smart girl, I think you know whats up.

 

see i didnt even say one bad thing about him,,,,,you did.

 

You know those little baby fishys? throw them back in, they need to grow more.

[S4il]

Why stay with someone who doesn't make you feel most important, Move out....find a guy with love, or at least some capabilities of showing someone he loves them.

 

he wants to spend time with friends rather than you, GOD your gorgeous , WHAT is his problem....I'm 22 and would love to have someone with your physical qualifications.

 

it's obvious to me that this guy is hiding something, not sure what. but why would he not want you around, which leads me to say why do women fall for such self-centered jerks, the ones who treat them like shit, and then they wonder why....well has a lot to do with hormones, and if i went into details it would make sense, really that isn't necessary, women like adventure, but in the same sense that adventure has it's downs, bad times, depressing, heart ache, you feel like your not important to him, because he wants to spend time with one friend, Flip the script...when he goes out, you go out...if he asks to come along, just say "nope" and say NOPE to sex, he will realize and might change, if he doesn't he isn't worth your time... good luck (if you need someone to further talk too I'm here.)

[ashleynicole]

Hey xoxoxo21,

 

Let me start off by saying. I've been there, and now I am past it and I'm still with him.

 

Right now you are feeling as though he doesn't care about you and all he wants to do is be with his buds, am I wrong? Well when you feel hurt by ones actions the realistic thing is to talk about it and release your feelings and hurt. You can't have a relationship if you can't communicate.

 

A reasonable thing to do after you release your truths is to go out with your girls and have a good time. If he isn't worried about what you think when he goes out, why should you care right?

 

I don't think this is about sex. . . I mean honestly.

 

Just talk to him about it, and if he doesn't understand then say fine when you can understnad me then you can have me! Then leave with your girls.

 

I hope I helped! Coming from the only female perspective, letting you know it's not sex!! LOL

 

Good luck.

[Happy_Go_Lucky_Heb]

Hey

 

Ok lol, but don't we all want sex in a relationship? I don't think its about that, he's just really good friends with the other guy (at least its a guy...what do u hav 2 worry about?). THey're probably the bestest buds but that doesn't mean he doesn't love you and perhaps you need to seriously tell him you're not at all happy about it coz maybe he doesn't realise what he's doing (could be coz of his selfishness) but you have to make him see and if its serious, then seriously tell him...

 

Happy Heb

[frenchie]

If youre happy being second best then thats fine but youre obviously not, in some ways I think you are making yourslef too available try making a date with him the letting him down just to give him some perspective of what its like to be in your position.

I think you need to be filling your time with other things you dont appear to have much else than him going on in your life, if your life was fuller than you may decide that there isnt room for him.

Feeling important in someones life should be paramount in a relationship has it always been like this or is it a recent occurrence?

I dont think youre being unreasonable but you may need to communicate with him and come up with some sort of compromise that you are both happy with, if this is something that hes not happy with then you may need to consider wether you want to continue a relationship with someone who is not prepared to put you first in his life

Hope this is helpful

[Celadon]

Seems like it all depends on your b/f and, like Gilgamesh said, his maturity level. Immature = cares more about himself than you.

 

One sure sign of an immature person is when they expect something from you (patience, forgiveness, communication, fidelity, etc.), but they don't want to give the same back to you. That's a bad, get-outta-there-now situation in my book.

 

Only you know your guy. Size him up, and if he's worth keeping, like someone said -- open the lines of communication. Good luck. Hope it works out for your best.