update, i am starting to loose all hope now

[cawls]

just an update its been a month since the break up and 3 weeks of no contact. i am starting to loose all hope now. i have started to miss her more than ever and just want to hold her. i wish we could be friends but when she broke up with me she said she didnt want to. she asked me not to contact her and i am respecting her descision and i am hoping she will contact me. its been so hard.

[lunatic]

Hey Cawls,

 

We have all been there my friend. You have to trust that it will get better in the future. A positive outlook is what the doctor prescribed. Keep your chin up and face the day one at a time.

 

It is the truth that time will heal all wounds.

 

hubman

[max]

Cawls,

 

Hang in there buddy! I feel your pain. Its hard as chinese math to get over a love one. I been with my ex girl friend for 3 years. We parted ways in November. She called me a couple of times since then, but I was epecting more. she intiated the break up.

 

My advice to you:

 

DO NOT call her first. If she really loves you, she will take the intiative to call. Why call her? She is not going to tell you what you want to hear.

 

DO NOT ask to get back together, let her do it. That is the only way you will know if she truly sincere in loving you.

 

If she makes contact with you, be kind, gentle, and confident. Talk to her like you are the happiest person in the world, eventhough your world is still crumbling inside.

 

Keep the conversation short and simple because if it lingers on, your feelings are going to show and you might utter out every feeling in your body. BIG MISTAKE!

 

Don't sweat it! life goes on. These are harsh words, but its the truth. Some many people learn how to live with pain and hurt, until one day, its over.

 

Always treat your relationship with a girl as you would want some guy to treat your mother or sister. that way if she breaks up with you, the ball will always be in yoiur court because you have nothing to feel guilty aboutbecause you was good to her.

 

I hope this help a tiny little bit!

[sleepers]

Care to answer my question guys (since most of the people who replied were guys). It seems that the gf suggested the breakup. Why did she suggest it?

 

For me, its slightly different and i would sort of ask your opinion on it.

 

firstly, my bf suggested the breakup for a few reasons tat have been lingering on quite a bit. For example, he felt empty (and had this feeling for quite some time before he told me abt it) and when he told me, he was already thinking of a breakup. We had some misunderstandings between us (still unresolved til this day). He didn't see a future with me.

 

I don't blame him for all the reasons, but rather, i faulted myself for allowing all these to happen. I tried making him feel secure about me, and he didn't, maybe because i am too drifty at times. but i don't know how to do it? how to make guys feel secure? When does the emptiness starts appearing?

 

Perhaps my inability to make him feel as secure with me as i am with him created a gap in the relationship. I realized what went wrong when he went for a short trip for 5 days.

 

I told him what went wrong, but he don't seem to think that i have sorted things out and making things organized. OR rather, he doesn't want to start afresh with a person that he just broke up with and turn in another cycle again. Fair enough. i don't think i should convince him that he should do it that way.

 

But guys, if a girl is willing to work things out and etc, sort out the conflict she has within her, how does the guy know? WIll a second time be possible together?

[curbie]

Sleepers> This one is for you

But guys, if a girl is willing to work things out and etc, sort out the conflict she has within her, how does the guy know? WIll a second time be possible together?

My answer to this question of yours - Being a guy myself...would want to work things out if the girl came back to me. I once initiated a breakup once with my girlfriend in the past. Her and I went on a trip out of state (before we broke up, we had these NASCAR tickets) and while on the way to our destination, we talked about getting back together...rather she started the convo. She kept putting her hand on my lap and everything. I would gently brush it away and tell her "please don't..." or something nice to that effect. After our trip, on the way back...we ended up back together and happy again. I felt secure, so I dunno....maybe it's just something your current guy is having issues with? I just took a leap at my faith I felt in the past. (See my ranting below)

 

I felt similar to what he felt only for about 2 weeks. Then I went back out with my woman. Maybe he will need more time?? My question to girls in general is: Why not tell them how you feel? I know it pushes them away if you "rub" it in..so to speak, but why not tell them that? Why act like you're all happy, even though your world inside is crashing? Currently, I'm broken up *again* with my girl and we still talk, but she tells me "She WANTS to come back, and she knows that I'd be a great guy...but there is still something inside of her that says "No." I wonder if she just let that feeling "go" inside of her and take a leap at faith...??? It's what I did the first night she said "I love you" I was all afraid that her and I wouldn't work out for 6 months and it has been an incredible 3 years. I wish she would push aside that feeling and give her and I another chance. So...right now, I'm trying my darndest to be patient, and see how she feels when she's ready to tell me.

 

Curbie

[max]

sleepers,

 

Guys get paranoid just like women. I mean who wants to get back into a realtionship and invest years of your feelings just to break up? Not me or anybody for that matter. You made your ex feel very insecure in which you did not elaborate for me to understand the full story. I've been there, nothing pushes a guy away more than a woman making him feel insecure.

 

There is something that you are not doing to make him feel secure. As a result look at the your situation now. This is a very distructive pattern for you and your ex. Some how, some way you must be consistent with your behavior patterns.

[sleepers]

Curbie,

 

Thanks for answering my questions and listening to my rants. I just need to probably ask you this question: do you ever have this thought that 'the girl and I will be impossible to be back together again?' in the initial stages of you suggesting the breakup?

 

I did tell him that I will wait for him till the day he is ready and feels that i am the one that can be secured enough for the future. He and I both do not have a religion. But I believe that exists a GOD. Probably cos i am catholic educated and it is deeply entrenched in me. i pray when i am confused, asking the Lord to relieve my burden, helping me out.

 

Right now, i do text him now and then to tell him that i am searching back for myself. Resolving my own issues before settling back with him. I don't want him to be 'living' with a person that has 'lost' herself. Right now, its been one week since. We are still giving each other the space.

 

During this one week. he was away for a short trip. I was stuck at where i am to think about things. And i am one who will think deeply enough if it has caused me enough hurt and pain and regret. It was my fault and he didn't do anything wrong to break up with me. In fact, it is a wake-up call.

 

I m reading various self help books right now. Hoping that i can do something about myself. Yup, making myself less doubtful.

 

I met him for a short while today since he stays 5 mins frm me and still gives my brother tuition. I waited for him and walked him over. He seems surprised but glad. We both enjoyed the really short walk under the hot weather.

 

He seems much better for the 1 wk we have been apart. I interrupted him during the tuition and whispered to his ears how i felt about him at that point in time. It was so close, he didn't pushed me away, though before when we fought, he will just say 'no' i wonder if that is a good sign.

 

Curbie, tell me what else i can do other than resolve my inner conflicts? I m on the path of rediscovering myself again. I m on the path to becoming more Open about issues with him. I will text him. Even though i won't get a reply all the time.

 

Tks people!