Realising you are truely 'not there'

[miss_chris]

Just a question- how long do you think it takes for your ex who broke up with you to realize your really, "gone" after you break up. It's been about a month and a half since we broke it off. NC the whole time. I'm not looking to get my ex back, just curious as to when the reality hits and you really start to miss someone after you've let them go? early after you broken up or does it take a while?

[love4life]

I think it depends on how badly and for how long the person wanted "out". If they really felt the need to escape, they're going to enjoy their new-found freedom for quite awhile. If it was more of a spur-of-the-moment break-up stemming as the result of one fight, they might change their minds more quickly.

[AnxiousGirl]

It really depends. There are no time limits on these sorts of things. Some ex's may realize within days, weeks, months, and sometimes years.

 

Some people on these boards are in NC much longer than 1.5 months and still have their ex's return. My ex came back after 3 months the first time. Everyone's situation is unique though.

[thekid55]

Depends how what your relationship was like!

[enchiladaman]

Many move into new relationships too, and you will definitely not hear back from them until the honeymoon phase ends or they break up. This honeymoon phase generally lasts 6 months to a year. Then after that you really find out if you are compatible with that person long term. Most relationships, statistically, start to unravel slowly after this phase unless there is serious emotional committment.

 

Of course, if this is the "one" for them then you might not hear back from them until much later in life when they are bored and are just curious as to what you're up to.

 

Don't hold your breath...there are PLENTY of great mates out there just waiting for you to pop into their life.

[miss_chris]

relationship was good- we dated for two years. i was his first 'serious' girlfriend

[enchiladaman]

relationship was good- we dated for two years. i was his first 'serious' girlfriend

 

Ahh my first serious girlfriend. That was a magical experience. The chemistry that I felt between us was different than any other relationship I have had since. When I think of her, I always think fondly of her.

 

I think your boyfriend, like me, just wants to go out and explore the world a bit and see what else is out there before we commit on someone for the rest of our lives. Forever is a LONG time. Be thankful he is giving this information to you now instead of getting into a deeper committment and then realizing after 10 years of marriage and children that he isn't sure if you two are going to work long term.

 

My first girlfriend and I really did share a special bond and had a lot in common. Our relationship become rocky as she pushed to move this relationship further and I pushed away to regain some of my freedom to explore the world. I was graduating college soon and wanted to push forward with a career and travel the world and not be restricted by someone else. Selfish, but we only live once and I wasn't ready for a wife and children yet.

 

I know that she was severely crushed after we broke up, but she started dating someone so soon after we did and I took this as a sign that she was moving on and happy. I started dating someone new as well soon after. She called me a few months ago on my birthday after not hearing from her for years. It was good to hear her voice and she seemed happy and like she was pretty much the same girl I once knew...but I was different. I was still feeling the pain of my recent breakup, combined with being a much more responsible and mature person now. I could hear it in my own voice as I spoke that I had grown and changed. She asked me why I chose the new girl over her - she sought some closure. I was honest and told her that I thought about her a lot even in my next relationship but felt that our relationship had just taken its course and we both needed to move on and find someone that we wouldn't have so much fighting with. I told her I would call her back soon when I could sit down and have a longer talk with her(I was driving), but weeks turned into months and when I tried to call her back, her number had gone out of my call history. Maybe she'll call again or I will get a hold of her number somehow. I'd love to know more about what she is up to and let her

 

If it is any concilation to your situation, please know that I moved on and she hurt, and eventually Karma did win. Although I somewhat initiated the breakup, this last ex was the one that officially cut it off, and then proceeded to move on to a new guy and cut me out of her life. It was a delayed reaction but when all was said and done It hurt really bad and I don't think i ate for weeks.

 

I have love for both despite I realize now that neither one are my soul mate. So moving forward and loving my old partners from a distance and loving the memories that we shared. On to the next chapter of my life...I hope it is even better than my past few.