What the heck am I supposed to do?

[the_pole]

Hey everybody, I posted twice about a month or so ago about my break-up with my ex.

 

She has severe clinical depression. She broke up with me telling me that it's because she feels she doesn't love herself, and needs to be alone to figure things out. She said she can't promise she'll get back together with me because that would make her feel like she has no way out and like she's trapped, and that she doesn't want to promise me anything that she can't do and cause me more pain. She told me that she wishes she didn't have to do this and that she loves me and wants to still be my best friend.

 

It's been about a month and a half now. Since the break-up i've met up with her three times, twice it was her idea. When we meet up, we hug, kiss, hold hands etc. , she generally shows me more affection than she did in the week or two leading up to the break-up.

She occasionally texts me in the middle of the night saying she misses me. I text her once every few days asking her how things are going or that i miss her. She usually deosn't reply.

 

A few nights ago she rang me, crying, saying that she loves me and misses me. After i calmed her down telling her i still love her and miss her and i'm still here for her, she told me that if i hadn't picked up the phone she would have probably cut herself (she has cut a few times before). She begged to see me the next day. She came over and we ended up getting quite physical (didn't get as far as sex but just about). She told me that she doesn't want to be leading me on and that i can do what i want and find somebody else if it makes me happier. Then she said that she hopes i don't get over her and that she doesn't want to get over me. At the same time she can't promise me anything. She said that the reason that she doesn't usually reply to my texts is because when she starts talking to me she gets sad and misses me.

 

She also asked if maybe she can stay the night at my house sometime next week, that she 'misses sleeping next to me and being in my arms'.

 

Another thing to note is her bebo account (similar to myspace). She has visited it many times and has changed around many things on it, but she is still 'in a relationship' and i'm still 'her other half'.

 

So she misses me so much that she cuts herself because of it, cries and is obviously very unhappy. She hopes that we can get back together eventually. BUT at the same time she refuses to promise me she'll get back together with me and says that she needs this break-up. What am I meant to do? I'm giving her all the space she wants. She is convinced she needs to be without me and yet she seems miserable.

 

I don't want her to use me to pick herself up and then find herself somebody she thinks is better. Her actions seem selfish and i'm very confused because she is about the most selfless person i've ever known and this is very unlike her. I just don't know what to do. Help me?

[Ben Bax]

Best friends don't make out, sleep in your bed, hold hands, flirt and so on

Sorry to say but she's using you, emotionally blackmailing you that she'll cut and it's your fault because she misses you, dude don't you think thats just a little screwed up?

She's getting all the benefits of being in a relationship without being in one because you're letting her

 

Put some distance between you both, fine, be her friend but be in charge of whats acceptable and what isn't, in the long run you'll be doing you and her a favour.

 

If she wants to get back with you (and you want that as well) then let her words speak louder than her actions, not vice versa

[tmp0620]

Ben Bax knows what he's talking about. Wise words from a wise fellow.