How do you respond to Rude Questions??

[zestygirl]

I was thinking today about people we "run into" like, old classmates or colleagues, who smile & act all genuinely glad to see us...and than, they totally start fishing for information they can use to judge your life compared to theirs!!!

 

Example. I ran into a girl I used to know in high school, hadn't seen her in ten years. We exchanged stories about how cute our kids were - and she asked where I lived. I told her - and her next question was "Do you own or do you rent?" She was still smiling like that was a totally acceptable question!

 

I've come to realize that many people are fooled by this crap, and feel obligated to explain themselves! Questions like "Are you married", "What kind of car do you drive", "Who broke up with who", "What kind of job do you have" or when you have kids (like me!!) and aren't married - look out!! The rude, intrusive questions are like - no holds barred!

 

Occasionally, there are people who are sincere when they are asking questions - but there are like, a LOT of people who aren't!

 

Wondering if anyone else has had a situation like this? How did you respond? I really wonder who the hell these people think they are...

 

In case you're wondering, When she asked me this, I looked at her and smiled and very genuinely responded - "Why are you asking me that?"

 

She turned like ten shades of red and left in a hurry.

[Lionel Hutz]

hahahA YEAH. Funny because I used to have dreadlocks and people would always ask me, "Do you wash your hair?" And im thinking, "are you F-ing Serious?" Some people are just naive and ignorant. I call them the masses.

[JadedStar]

I think you are too sensitive to the questions. YOu can't control people or what they will ask, only how you react to it.

 

I would not be offended by any of the questions you guys have mentioned. And if i had dreads i would realize it was different and some people might be curious and i wouldn't mind answering their questions.

 

The rent or own question was probably making conversation. I think your response to her showed that you have an insecurity about that sort of thing and in the long run made you look worse.

[Lionel Hutz]

I think its more the fact they did not think before they spoke. I dont mind answering there questions, in fact, once ive answered they seem to realise how dumb the question truly is. Today somone asked me how much my shoes were. I just simply said it was not important. People like to judge where i'm from.

[JadedStar]

I think its more the fact they did not think before they spoke. I dont mind answering there questions, in fact, once ive answered they seem to realise how dumb the question truly is. Today somone asked me how much my shoes were. I just simply said it was not important. People like to judge where i'm from.

 

But some people are just clueless. No sense getting upset about it.

[Weeblie]

I don't think these people are being rude so much as they're just trying to make small talk. When you run into someone from your past, it's only natural to get updated on things.

 

I've had conversations with people who asked me similar questions and while my answers were embarrassing (for me) they shared that they were in situations that were exactly the same or worse. A lot of people aren't out there to rub things in. They're just trying to make conversation and maybe find things that you might have in common with them.

[zestygirl]

Jaded - Let me reconstruct something for you - have you ever been asked a rude question? (Let's not splice hairs over the ambiguity of what constitutes a technically rude question) How did you respond? I'm not asking people if they got UPSET over it - I'm simply asking out of curiosity how people have creatively diffused the askers of questions that they PERSONALLY feel have crossed the line. Personally, I have excellent manners, and would never appear oversensitive in a casual conversation even if I was bothered- I have too much dignity to sweat over something small like this. This is just one of those pesky peeves in life that I find interesting!

 

Lionel, I totally get you. You should have said "Actually these aren't even dreads...what do you mean do i ever wash my hair??" Ha!

[annie24]

hahahA YEAH. Funny because I used to have dreadlocks and people would always ask me, "Do you wash your hair?" And im thinking, "are you F-ing Serious?" Some people are just naive and ignorant. I call them the masses.

 

well, it's not really naive or ignorant, maybe they simply don't know! i don't know either about hair care maintenence with dreadlocks. i don't have them, don't want them, but i don't know a thing about how often they get washed, etc..... i don't consider my self an unintelligent or unknowledgable person in the least.

[JadedStar]

Jaded - Let me reconstruct something for you - have you ever been asked a rude question? (Let's not splice hairs over the ambiguity of what constitutes a technically rude question) How did you respond? I'm not asking people if they got UPSET over it - I'm simply asking out of curiosity how people have creatively diffused the askers of questions that they PERSONALLY feel have crossed the line. Personally, I have excellent manners, and would never appear oversensitive in a casual conversation even if I was bothered- I have too much dignity to sweat over something small like this. This is just one of those pesky peeves in life that I find interesting!

 

Lionel, I totally get you. You should have said "Actually these aren't even dreads...what do you mean do i ever wash my hair??" Ha!

 

LOL YES in my lifetime i have been asked many a rude question. I just answer it unless it is so utterly ridiculous and then i make a joke out of my answer.

 

If i felt bad about the rent or own question for instance, and i was renting, I'd just say "i'm renting right now and yourself?"

[annie24]

I don't think these people are being rude so much as they're just trying to make small talk. When you run into someone from your past, it's only natural to get updated on things.

 

I've had conversations with people who asked me similar questions and while my answers were embarrassing (for me) they shared that they were in situations that were exactly the same or worse. A lot of people aren't out there to rub things in. They're just trying to make conversation and maybe find things that you might have in common with them.

 

i agree - maybe some people are trying to make small talk, and maybe others are trying to see how far you have 'gotten' in life. or something along those lines. i wouldn't let it upset you. if they touched on a nerve, then retort back with a humorous response.

 

you never know why they are asking you things. maybe she was asking if you own or rent because she is looking for a real estate agent and wanted to see if you liked yours. maybe she is asking if you are married because she knows someone she'd like to introduce you to. i wouldn't take things so personally, they may not have been trying to be rude or mean at all.

[zestygirl]

 

you never know why they are asking you things. maybe she was asking if you own or rent because she is looking for a real estate agent and wanted to see if you liked yours. maybe she is asking if you are married because she knows someone she'd like to introduce you to. i wouldn't take things so personally, they may not have been trying to be rude or mean at all.

 

Annie; Let me clarify. I wasn't looking for people's opinion as to whether these questions are rude - questions are contexual. I pretty well always know someone's motivation when they ask me a particular question. BTW - she was being flat out nosy. That particular conversation was a lot longer than i summarized. What i am asking is: "Have you ever been asked a rude question? if so - how did you respond??" People pretty well know when they're being treated rudely. It's not hard to figure out.

[annie24]

i guess there are a few ways to respond -

 

1) you can totally make a joke out of it. for example, i recently read an advice column on a similar topic, where a man was from africa, but living in the US and people would ask him if he used to live in a tree, and he would reply, "yes, and our tree is right next to the US embassy tree!" or if they said, 'you speak english very well' and he would say, 'so do you!' making a joke of it can be a good way to go.

 

2) answer honestly - "no, i don't own my place, i've spent the last 3 years traveling around the mediterranean, enjoying life, and i didn't want to get bogged down by a mortgage.' (or whatever.)

 

3) you can give them back a snarky answer like, 'No, i don't want to get married anytime soon, you know, women get married and put on 30 pounds - gosh, you know what that's like don't you?'

 

4) you can simply give them a look that says you seem shocked that they would ask such a thing and maybe they will change the topic.

[zestygirl]

3) you can give them back a snarky answer like, 'No, i don't want to get married anytime soon, you know, women get married and put on 30 pounds - gosh, you know what that's like don't you?'

 

LMAO! Love it! Once a married lady asked me if my daughters had the same father - I responded by saying "Do yours?"

[annie24]

LMAO! Love it! Once a married lady asked me if my daughters had the same father - I responded by saying "Do yours?"

 

hahahaah! that is great!

 

although - i know i have had some of those moments where i ask a question and 2 seconds later realize i shoved my foot in my mouth, oops!

[samantha20]

I was djing tonight, and some guy came up to me and was like 'how much do you get paid for this?' and I just smiled and said 'that's none of your business, mate..do you have a request?'

[annie24]

is it just the way they said it to you? what if they said, 'i am thinking of being a dj but am concerned it won't pay the bills - is it a good career?' (but, while you are working really isn't the time to ask.) i guess if they are getting married soon and wanted to know how much you would charge, they could have just asked that.

 

i dunno - i like to think people have good intentions, maybe they don't always say them right.

[samantha20]

His attitude before that question was very patronising

[annie24]

i think you handled it very well!

[Maya_A]

I don't see whether one "should" or "should not" feel sensitive to certain questions as the issue. If they do, they do. If some don't for the same questions, so be it - it is what it is. The point seems to be around how to handle the questions when one does feel awkward or that the questions are invasive.

 

For example, I do not like to be asked my age by strangers. I don't mind telling it if I am getting to know someone in a dating way or another way where it is relevant of course, but otherwise it really isn't anyone's business, and I do find it a rude question generally speaking. I also understand that the person's intent might be very innocent, and even friendly in asking. I also realize some don't find it a rude question even. With this one, I generally say that I'm in my 30's and that is all. Sometimes, depending on the situation, I do not even feel like saying that, and just say "it's something I keep personal".

 

There are a group of more personal questions that people tend to ask fairly frequently, such as age, the rent/own thing, why don't you have kids (gosh!), do you live alone, have you ever been married, how many hrs. a week do you work(a strange one but it comes up surprisingly often) etc..

 

If it is someone I don't know well & I feel I don't want to share those more private things, I just say "that's really something I keep personal". I say it in a very pleasant way, with a smile, and continue the conversation with positive energy. They seem to get the message concerning asking any more deeply personal questions, and no hard feelings between us.

[whes]

rudeness can also be very cultural. In Korean and in Japanese cultures (i am sure in other asian cultures, but I don't know for sure), you always ask what age someone is. It's as common as asking someone what they do for a job. But it's also got to do with respect, because the younger ones always defer to the older ones.

[Miss Firecracker]

I just answer rude questions since I am never really ashamed of anything they ask. If they don't like the answer that's their problem. I guess rude questions really don't bother me anymore. Friend of mine asked me tonight how much I paid for the light I ordered, so I told her. My sister just loves to ask me questions about the cost of things we have. It's just sort of funny to me. She even admits that she likes competing with me, which I think is hilarious since I don't work and she is very successful.

[Raiden]

But some people are just clueless. No sense getting upset about it.

 

What JS said.

 

There are those who have no sense of integrity. Unfortunately.

[annie24]

I just answer rude questions since I am never really ashamed of anything they ask. If they don't like the answer that's their problem. I guess rude questions really don't bother me anymore. Friend of mine asked me tonight how much I paid for the light I ordered, so I told her. My sister just loves to ask me questions about the cost of things we have. It's just sort of funny to me. She even admits that she likes competing with me, which I think is hilarious since I don't work and she is very successful.

 

yeah, i am sort of the same way - people don't really get to me, and there are questions that are considered rude which aren't considered rude in other cultures, etc.... i just answer and if they don't like the answer, oh well!

 

actually, one question i hate.... a former roommate asked me, "i don't understand how you can afford all this stuff!" (referring to some of my previous purchases.) my grandparents died and left me an inheritance, not a lot, but not a little either. and my roommate knew that, so i didn't understand why she was asking that question.

 

one "rude" question i apparently asked several years ago was when i met a doctor of sorts from new zealand on a vacation, and i asked him a question about some back pain i was having, and he clammed up, and later a fellow traveler (who spent a lot of time in new zealand) told me that was a rude question - to ask about his work while he is on holiday and to reveal something so 'personal' about myself. in the US, i don't think such a simple question can be rude - it's not like i was asking him to treat me!

[greenmonster]

I make a joke out of things in an obvious maner....ever seen the episode of Family Guy where Peter goes back to his high school renuion and people ask him what he does and he says "I'm a Secret Agent Astronaut Cowboy Millionare Big Shot"...just like that...

 

when people ask me when I'm going to get married I don't care what their opinion is really and so I toss out an answer like "I'll prolly get married when I get tired of having nasty sweaty great sex with extremely hot younger women..." unless of course its someone like my grandma asking...then I say "next week" cuz she has a pretty bad memory and will forget anyway

[Miss Firecracker]

People ask me my age constantly. That doesn't bother me either.

 

I am just thankful when someone shows interest in my life at all.