am i being paranoid?

[Dispirited Dan]

During one of the last conversations with my ex, she told me that i needed to reach out to her friends and admit i am vulnerable. As this was one of her reasons for the break up, the fact that i could not admit my vulnerabilty.

 

I took this as being her making me justify to her firends that she was justified for her treatment of me, and a way of making herself feel better about the split. so naturally i have not done it.

 

So, this evening i get a text message from one of her friends asking me how i am, to which i responded, good, and then sent him some jokes and had a bit of a laugh with him. Then i got to thinking, i have changed my number since the split and the only way he could of got my number would of been through my ex, and this then made me think that she may of been involved in some way just to check up how i am getting on, or some other reason.

 

please see other thread, my break up hell.

 

what do people think, am i paranoid, are people that devious or am i just a conspiracy theorist?

[Veroni]

Why do you need the approval of her friends by your admittance of being vulnerable?

 

I would be concerned too....you are not being paranoid. Go with your gut.

[Dispirited Dan]

do you think that i should be cordial towards her friends or ignore them/act like i am doing OK?

[Veroni]

I think you should always be polite.....but you dont owe her friends anything. You are in a relationship with her not her group. Stand your ground because if you let her have this one she will never respect you.

[Dispirited Dan]

do you think that that is her doing than?

[Veroni]

I cant be sure because I dont know her side or what kind of person she is. I simply think that as a man you need to have boundaries in reguards to her friends. It bothers me that she needs her friends approval so much. It tells me she is either very young or she is very insecure. You dont want to set yourself up like that.

[Dispirited Dan]

she is 44, and i know quite insecure, but that is one of the things i love about her due to my own insecurities. the worst thing is i cant think why anyone that you love or loved you would do things like that!

[Veroni]

Its because she is insecure that she can do this to someone she loves. What you need to figure out is because of your insecurities, how much are you willing to sink to make her happy? You should work on being secure with yourself. It is miserable to worry about things you dont like about yourself. Change what you can, and accept the things that you cant change.

[Dispirited Dan]

your right and i am not about to give in now, i have done a lot of work with myself over the last month, to try and regain some of me and change the negative things about myself and i am not about to let that go or revert to previous behaviour.

 

Thank you, Veroni

[Veroni]

Good Luck sweetie! Never let anyone get the best of you or make you feel like you are settling. You are unique and special through your actions and not your looks. Continue working on being strong willed and secure because life is too short to be miserable.

[Dispirited Dan]

Hi Lady D,

 

Since then i have had another experience with one of her friends, on thursday at a gig. it was really funny because he was looking at me as though he wanted me to open up, in that kind of emphatic/concerned kind of way. which may well of been genuine! ,but i thought there no point in telling you anything really, because i fell it is just going to get back to my ex and give her reasons to justify herself again. So i was polite, told him i was doing alright and that i had given up drinking and that was about it.

 

It did feel quite empowering at the time and yes! i hope its got back To her.

 

Heres to walking away with your head held high.