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please read, i need advice!


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hi everyone

i just registered on this forum today because ive been trying to deal with a problem by myself and im going CRAZY. ive read a few posts from others and it seems like you can offer some good advice, or at the very least, a different view on things.

ive been dating my bf for 6 months.. and last month he made the decision to quit alcohol and pot and has been going to AA meetings etc...

last week i was over and he was showering, so i went on his computer to check my email. his inbox popped up and i was going to log out, until i saw he'd received an email from his previous ex (who he went out with for 2 years). i KNOW i shouldnt have done it, but i read the email. in it, she said that she was glad he appreciated her prayers, and that she was hesitant to send it at first but is now glad she did. she also wrote she was glad he called her on sunday night and invited her over, she knows it couldnt have been easy for him. she said she appreciates him telling her (im assuming he told her about the AA meetings etc??) and that she still sees him as the great man she shared so many memories with. at the end, she wrote that she would always be there for him, and said she was free for coffee the next wk...

i also found an email he'd written to her a few days before her email. it killed me to read it (i know i shouldnt have) because he thanked her for her prayers and said that hes sure thats whats getting him through this, that he thought she was an amazing person, said that they should go for coffee sometime, and then signed it "Love ___" ... he doesnt even sign off emails or cards to ME with the word "love".

it kills me and im really hurt because i dont know whats going on with his ex. he hasnt had any contact with her since the breakup (as far as im concerned) so thats at least 8 months. why now? why all of a sudden?

i want to know if he still harbours any feelings for her whatsoever. or why he didnt tell me about him having any contact with her. i want to talk to him and tell him everything... but im soo scared because i know what i did was really wrong and i shouldnt have read those emails!! its a horrible situation and im so scared. scared of telling him i broke his trust, and even more scared of losing him.

i would really appreciate any advice or help you guys can give me, especially any that have been in similar situations. i think im going to talk to him either tmr or friday... so PLEASE respond asap!!!

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Hello, unfortunately you have to deal with it whatever the consequences, if the relationship ends then maybe it wasn't what you were looking for or as stable as it should have been.


First things first, reading the mail was wrong but it was pretty much an accident and it's normal you wanted to see what that was about, I think it's better you have that information and most of it didn't sound "bad" in the slightest but your boyfriend blowing out of proportion her prayers (as if he, you or the AA people are doing nothing) as well as saying "Love" is not a very good sign.


He might be reevaluating things with his new gained perspective, maybe he feels his last relationship could've worked better had he not drank and such, and it's okay to be slightly confused but I believe it's better if you talk about it with him, apologise for reading the ex's mail and ask him what was that about, if he lies or if he sounds suspicious then maybe it's better to end things.

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