StretchGee Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 link removed has some bleak, or perhaps comforting, news. If you find your spouse or bf irritating at times, you are not alone... "If your spouse already bugs you now, the future is bleak. New research suggests couples view one another as even more irritating and demanding the longer they are together." "Participants in their 20s and 30s reported having the most negative relationships overall. Older adults had the least negative relationships with spouses, children and friends. Past research by Birditt and others has shown that older adults are more likely to report less conflict in their relationships compared with younger adults." "Older adults are more likely than younger people to report that they try to deal with conflict by avoiding confrontations, rather than by discussing problems," Birditt said. Link to comment
doyathink Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 Good article. Thanks for sharing. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I'm doomed. My husband leaves water all over the bathroom sink and picks his teeth, and leaves his sneakers in the middle of the floor for me to trip over in the dark on the way to the bathroom (broke a toe just this summer because of it).... I think what the researchers found is pretty normal actually. The key is not to sweat the small stuff and have a sense of humor about it, and remember the love that brought you together in the first place. If it is unconditional love, the benefits of the relationship (growing old together, sharing fun times, companionship, history) should still outweigh the costs (broken toes) Link to comment
rose2summer Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I completely agree Bella. I was at a wedding and the pastor gave the most amazing sermon, like this article. We tend to focus on the little things, when it's the huge differences (religion, views, etc that should be focused on), aka not the leaving the toilet seat up. With that said, I cannot seem to follow it though, ha ha, oh well, it was great advice! I am nit picky. Hugs, Rose Link to comment
StretchGee Posted February 6, 2008 Author Share Posted February 6, 2008 The key is not to sweat the small stuff and have a sense of humor about it, and remember the love that brought you together in the first place. If it is unconditional love, the benefits of the relationship (growing old together, sharing fun times, companionship, history) should still outweigh the costs (broken toes) Well, broken toes is a pretty serious nit to pick - especially if it happens again! (Your husband is probably PO'd that you cannot see in the dark and don't know how to walk! ). I agree: "...deal with conflict by avoiding confrontations..." may simply mean "...don't sweat the small stuff...". I find it interesting that the 20/30 somethings have it worse. Is it that at 40 and beyond we become more tolerant, or are we simply beaten down? Personally, I'm not yet sure if I tolerate my wife's irritating habits and mannerisms or if I have improved my ability to simply ignore them. Link to comment
rose2summer Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 This is news?! I think in a way it is because we are so used to saying, oh ya, I already knew that, but then we don't follow through on it, sometimes it's nice to be reminded of it. Link to comment
redrose85 Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Haha! guess I'm screwed then cuz we get a kick out of irritating each other Link to comment
StretchGee Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 Haha! guess I'm screwed then cuz we get a kick out of irritating each other Well, that's a twist! RR, for you it only gets better, then! Link to comment
redrose85 Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 You gotta play with each other, keeps things fun. Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 I have to admit...I always extremely surprised when people are bothered by things like the toilet seat up, the toilet paper roll on "wrong" or dirty socks on the floor - or other "irritating things". I am a pretty clean person but for me...well if my boyfriend does things like this I just kind of think, he's an adult too, it's OUR house and really, are his dirty socks such a big deal when it comes to our relationship??? Is it worth getting resentful over a dirty sock? Or causing him to feel chagrined bceause of it? Not really. Maybe it is just because we are both fairly compatible in respects of house cleanliness - neither of us likes clutter, but we have a "tolerance" level for a certain amount as we also have lots of stuff between us for our various activities; sometimes some things might irk me more for some reason than other times (and vice versa him for me) but I guess we either just pick it up ourself or just ask the other to take care of it (and they do). We don't really have a division of labour either to where it is "I do this, you do that" (well, except for the fact he will NOT clean bathroom so I do, and I prefer to not climb on roof to clean the gutters out (though I help at the bottom by catching the spill off!) ) so if the trash is full...whomever sees it full takes it out, if dishes are in sink, whomever has a moment of time does them. I just think I really "don't sweat the small stuff". It's not as I avoid it (conflict)...I just don't really worry about it! I just have never found him irritating....so am surprised when people do say things like that about their spouse. Maybe he finds me irritating though and I just don't know it (I am sure there are indeed some things that do bother him!) We have lived together for over three years by the way. Link to comment
StretchGee Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 ...the toilet paper roll on "wrong" ... ...sometimes some things might irk me more for some reason than other times (and vice versa him for me) but I guess we either just pick it up ourself or just ask the other to take care of it (and they do). Too funny! I 'flipped' the toilet paper roll for a few years...eventually my wife saw the light! Then on The Simpsons I recall Homer's kids were taken by social services and one of the reasons was "hanging the toilet paper in a careless, overhand manner". That cut to the quick! I've been hanging it like that for years! I'm still in therapy... Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 8, 2008 Share Posted February 8, 2008 Too funny! I 'flipped' the toilet paper roll for a few years...eventually my wife saw the light! Then on The Simpsons I recall Homer's kids were taken by social services and one of the reasons was "hanging the toilet paper in a careless, overhand manner". That cut to the quick! I've been hanging it like that for years! I'm still in therapy... Haha, I remember that episode! It's the one where the Flanders' try to baptize the kids and Homer "takes a baptism" for Bart If the toilet paper tissue issue (hehe) becomes such a big deal, I say install two toilet paper holders...one can flip one way, the other the other....ta-da! Link to comment
redrose85 Posted February 9, 2008 Share Posted February 9, 2008 It makes me sad when someone talks about how irritating their so is, or when they talk bad about him/her in general. There is always going to be a small (or large) list of less than ideal things about your other half, but why spend so much time focusing on it? The only thing that really really bothers me is when my bf throws his oily clothes (works as an oil change tech) on the floor or on the regular clothes pile, so I pulled out the extra laundry bin and asked him to put his work clothes in there. It took a couple of weeks for him to remember consistently, but he rarely forgets now. You gotta work together to fix what quirks you can. Some can't be fixed. Deal with it and move on lol Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 10, 2008 Share Posted February 10, 2008 When people live together 24/7 for years you are bound to irritate each other from time to time. It's just a balance. You have to ask yourself, "How important is this to my relationship?" Bella is right- the benefits of long term relationships outweigh the minor annoyances. Link to comment
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