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Stuck on Sex...

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Hi everyone i want to share my story with you all because quite frankly it feels like an iron ball around my neck weighing me down!


And please if anyones had a similar experience to me let me know how you managed to deal with it because I'm really struggling...


Ok basically i'm 22 in a couple of weeks and havn't had many serious relationships. In fact i've only had one that lasted two years from the age of 17 to the age of 19. I was madly in love with a girl from London but i had to go away to university and the distance caused the relationship to break down, she was my first love. After we split i didnt really think about it until i got back to London at half term. When i went to see my ex she told me she had slept with someone else and had moved on. For some reason i found this news to be soul destroying. I felt as if my heart had been completely ripped out and any energy i had in me was gone and nothing seemed to matter any more. For a long time i would find myself day dreaming about the physical act of her with someone else and it was cause me serious mental anguish. Kind of a mixture of really intense jeleousy and a feeling of physical repulsion.


As time went by things became easier but it took me a good year to not think about her any more. Back at university i have to admit that i put it about quite alot after that. I've been tld that i'm quite a good looking person and i guess i used that to my advantage to make myself feel better, of cousre all the one night stands were never anything to write home about just drunken shags and lots of them.


Then I met another girl, absoluetly gorgeous who was in my class. We didnt speak much for a long time until one day i asked her if she would like a drink. We went for a drink and i disscovered that she had a boyfriend a little bit after that. The drinks became more frequent and we ended up sleeping with eachother. From then on in i found myself in a situation where i was slowly falling in love with a girl who fitted me in around her relationship. it went on like this for a whole year and i wasnt really bothered by it that much but it was getting worse and worse. We wnet through periods of not talking then having the most passionate amazing sex then not talking again.


My emotions all came to a head when she had split with her boyfriend and we wnet to the summer ball together. It was the first time that we had been able to enjoy eachother without guilt or reservation and it was an amazing night. Without being to graphic we had the most amazing passioante evening i've ever had in my life and she said the same off her own back. Summer came and we spoke over the phone whilst i was back home. I went to glastonbury festival and when i was my home i got a text saying i love you and i've got back with my boyfriend. This broke my heart because i actually thought that maybe this time it was different and that she realised that her rwaltionship was loveless and just about secuirty (she had agreed to all of this).


So we didnt speak for the whole summer and i had closed the door on my emotions for her. until...Walking down the beech in Ibiza i saw her walking from out of the sea. She saw me and we spoke. I had a choice at this point which was to walk away or embrace the randomness of the situation and call it destiny. So i did. We had an amazing time and when we got back to england i was in pieces. I told her that i had to have her in my life and she agreed. I got back to universty and she had left her boyfriend and we were seeing eachother. The next two months were some of the most passioante and fullfilling months i've ever spent with a girl until she lied to me and i found out she had gone to see her ex.


She said that she wasn't sure what she wanted and that she needs to be on her own. I feel so stupid because i took a huge gamble and went back on eveything she had done to me for the sake of something that just felt amazing. After a months worth of twoing and throwing we are aging not talking. And i have a problem...


I know that not having her in my life is the only solution because she cant be trusted but i get these same horrible visions of her sleeping with someone else and it so unhealthy. I dont know how to accept that this will happen and be cool about it. I generally block the thoghts out by keeping nusy but i know this isn't deling with it because i'm just repressing all those horrible jeleous angrry feelings. I really dont know how to best describe it but it's like i feel sick and cheated on and it makes me so angry and really reduces my self esteem. Why have i got this fization on sex and her with other people? Has anyone had this before, any advise would be much appreciated. Time is the best healer i know but i really want to be able to be mature about it and accept that what we had sexually was between us and whatever else she does is nothing to do with me. Advise greatly welcome...

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Things will probably get easier for you once you realize she was never yours to begin with.


She was in a relationship - and sleeping with her boyfriend - when you first got together. This is how it was, how it is now, and probably how it will always be.


I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now, but that usually happens when you get involved with someone who's already in a relationship.


Maybe you could try going out with other girls? But next time, make sure they're unattached.


Hope things get better for you soon.

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I was feeling like that too when I first broke up with my EX and it ate me up inside. I tried maintaining light contact, but those pesky thoughts (and some other things she did) started to drag me down. At this point I had no choice but to declare NC (in my own head) and get away from the situation as fast as possible. After a few months, the thoughts slowly got less intense and a after a year, I became ambivalent to the whole idea.

Time does play a huge factor in getting rid of those thoughts, but keeping busy and actively trying to push it out of your mind helps immensely too.

Take care and keep reminding yourself that you are the most important one here.

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Well she's said that she doesn't want to be with anyone so i'm guessing she isnt sleeping with him but hey you just don't know with a girl like that. I'ts by own fault for getting involved but i guess your right i just wanted her to be mine because we had a passioante thing.

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Look...you can't totally believe what she is telling you about not being with anyone and this and that. You see...she's dated her boyfriend for a long time now...and he has no clue that she has been having passionate sex with some other guy. Do you think she's known you or her boyfriend longer? So if she has no problem lying to him then she has no problem lying to you too...That's just how it is.

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