koreangelxp Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 okay so here's the story... I was with this guy for 1 1/2 years and then he broke up with me 6 days before xmas and told me he still loves me but he's not in love with me anymore.... the last like 3 months of our relationship we were fighting and arguing a lot... but now.... were trying to work things out and were taking steps to fix the problems that we had... and things are going okay.... and he says that his feelings are growing slowly.... but he doesn't like it when I bring up how things are going with us.... cuz he feels like I'm rushing things but I'm really trying to not do that... but do u think we will get back together officially? I feel that things are going too... but I just want some opinions... thanks! Link to comment
AnxiousGirl Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 He obviously loves you enough to be with you again, and try to make things work. I would tread very slowly and COMMUNICATE with one another. Make sure the both of you know the problems that broke you up the first time have disappeared or can be fixed/worked out so it doesn't re-surface again in the future. I wish you the best of luck! Link to comment
d24 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 it's happened twice. Once with my gf falling out of love with me (she felt used, so we fixed it), and me falling out with her (I felt like she was trying to change me too much and she stopped it). Some would argue the connection isn't that deep, but I'd argue it's deeper than most because we've both been able to overcome this ourselves, and are still together. Chin up, it's possible to love someone again - in fact I'd say it's easy (as long as there was nothing major that went wrong). Good luck! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 okay so here's the story... I was with this guy for 1 1/2 years and then he broke up with me 6 days before xmas and told me he still loves me but he's not in love with me anymore.... the last like 3 months of our relationship we were fighting and arguing a lot... but now.... were trying to work things out and were taking steps to fix the problems that we had... and things are going okay.... and he says that his feelings are growing slowly.... but he doesn't like it when I bring up how things are going with us.... cuz he feels like I'm rushing things but I'm really trying to not do that... but do u think we will get back together officially? I feel that things are going too... but I just want some opinions... thanks! Don't keep bringing up how well things are going because that is like forcing the issue and trying to will him to get back the feelings. He is in the relationship too so he doesn't need a running commentary on it. As far as loving but not being "in love", I think when there is a lot of fighting, you lose sight of being "in love" because those feelings get put on the back burner in order to deal with the ongoing battles. If the feelings of "in love" have truly been lost, they likely won't come back..BUT, if they have only been put on the back burner because of all the fighting...eliminate the strife and go back to the calm and happy days before and those "in love" feelings will come off the back burner and become up front in his mind. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 The best way to help someone revive the spark where the person has ended things with you recently is to give him space to miss you. Talking about "the relationship" is the opposite extreme - it comes accross as needy and after a short while, boring. Link to comment
koreangelxp Posted February 7, 2008 Author Share Posted February 7, 2008 you guys are so right.... I know things will work out.... I just gotta let things flow and just be whatever about it... just work on myself so I can be happy.... and then we both will be happy together.... I really glad I found ena.... this is a wonderful website... I love getting advice about things here and its just wonderful... thank you everyone... Link to comment
saracup Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 I so want to be encouraging about this relationship, but I'd rather be encouraging about you. If you are feeling like you have to be careful about what you talk about, and how, with your partner, then he's not the right one. Getting through multiple created controversies is just drama. Take it from me: in marriage, life throws you all kinds of real drama, and if your partner is not someone with whom you can be absolutely free and real, right now, you will be miserable. Imagine this person if you had a special needs child, or if you had a major illness, or if you had a financial crisis together? Would he be there for that kind of thing over the long haul? If you doubt it even for a second, get out now. I waited too long to get out of those relationships, and was too old to have kids by the time I came to my senses and found someone I could actually be myself with. We adopted a special needs kid, and it's a day to day demand that would challenge even the strongest relationship. Breakups are small potatoes compared to family life. Seriously, think long and hard about this. There's someone out there who won't mind you talking about ANYTHING. That's love. All else is attraction and drama. Link to comment
forgingon Posted February 23, 2008 Share Posted February 23, 2008 Absolutely. In so many ways love and falling in love is a choice. When you look deeply at another human being, consider the things that make them unique and wonderful, allow yourself to ENJOY their oddities...often falling in love can happen easily. Especially if there is strong underlying connections. It can happen if you focus on just enjoying who the other person is, and being yourself. (Which means not trying to 'lure' him back). Good luck to you. Link to comment
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