Annoying problem...

[lollipop3]

So here's my problem. I've been with boyfriend for over a year now. We love each other and really is a great guy. Well, he's gonna be moving out of his apartment soon and looking for a new one. We've discussed moving in together, or him moving in with one of his friends. Here's the problem, I told him that before he decides to move in with me I personally believe that moving in with someone is a major step and that it means that the person is serious about marriage in the future with this person. He said he understood that and that he still wanted to move in together. Well, I thought about it, and I decided that I didn't think it was a good idea because I didn't want to put pressure on him, and that if we did move in together then he would feel pressure that he had to marry me, and I didn't want to put him in that situation, and that maybe I am the type of person who shouldn't move in with someone until they are married. He was very disappointed.

The other side is that he could move in with his friend, but his friend told him that if they moved in together then he wouldn't want me sleeping over at night (like I do a lot now at his current place) because he wants to have the bachelor kind of lifestyle, and he would want to hang out with him more and have "guy time." My boyfriend said he understand where he is coming from and said that we could make it work. I'm very hurt by this. I feel like we would be taking steps backwards in our relationship, and that he would be letting this guy come between us. I understand where he is coming from, but it still makes me mad, because I feel like I'm being excluded simply because I'm a girl and I'm the girlfriend. Do I have a right to be angry?

[melrich]

Do I have a right to be angry?

 

I think really it's more about your b/f making a commitment to his potential roomie that will probably be impossible to keep.

 

I think you said the right thing. I think your b/f's potential roomie DID the right thing. I think your b/f has over committed.

 

Yeah you have a right to some anger I think.

[m12988]

Yeah, you do have the right to be angry. First of all, his roomate already sounds annoying, he already gave your boyfriend a rule and they aren't even living together yet. Which makes me wonder, what other rules will your boyfriend have to abide by? Is he going to have to change the toilet paper roll at a certain time? Is he going to have to vacuum a certain way? You should tell your boyfriend this. If he's already making rules and stuff now, wait til he has to live with him. Its hard to live with people sometimes, especially when they are clearly on different life paths (he's a bachelor, your man is taken for a year). But if this guy owns the house, then your boyfriend has to abide by his rules, and that's no fun.

 

On a more positive note though, if your boyfriend does decide to make it work, it's NOT going to make your relationship step back because you aren't crashing at his house a few nights of the week. I am engaged and i don't even crash with my fiance that much.

[ghost69]

what? he has to respect his roommate's wishes. if he doesn't like it, don't move in. simple answer. you have no say or right to be mad even while it might suck.

[someguy88]

ha! There's no way in hell that your boyfriend would be able to keep that sort of promise to his friend and keep you happy. This whole thing seems to have disaster written all over it.