My sons Aunt - Is this lady for real!!

[Meadow]

This is real hard to do, and even harder to put down into words but I truly need some outside opinions on this before I drive myself crazy!

 

In order to better understand the situation I am going to start by telling you a little about the past;

 

In October 2003 I started dating this guy – lets call him “Joe”

At first Joe seemed like a well put together, level headed person. At that time I was bored with my life and really wanted to change things up a bit and we moved things along quite fast. He had been out of a long term relationship for a year and had dated 2 other girls before we met. Joe at the time lived with his sister and her husband. And that sort of intrigued me even more to him because he hadn’t started “building” his life yet. He also had a little boy whom I adored and him and I became buddies rather quickly.

2 mths after dating he moved in, problems after problems right after that. Some of those weren’t all his doing, his ex started to cause problems for us.

I quickly learned that Joe is a very passive person when it comes to the other woman in his life. I also learned that Joe doesn’t like to make decisions and would rather let someone else run his life. his sister and his ex did exactly that!

A month later I kicked him out, but he was back shortly after and it went on like this for a few more months. Finally we ended it. 2 weeks after that (in May/04) I found out I was pregnant.

I did the right thing and called him up. He came over, and we decided to get back together and try to make it work for the baby. Well it wasn’t going to work, and by now his family and friends have formed a not so good opinion of me. So naturally this put even more tension into our already tense relationship. But the reality was, a baby is coming!

 

In Jan/05 my son was born. Dad was there.

His sister was very cold and ignorant to me throughout my whole pregnancy so I didn’t expect her to be there and she wasn’t.

 

At first everything was great when we brought baby home. We moved into a bigger place and everything was going to be good. But it wasn’t, and we broke up. Joe moved in with his sister and decided to have nothing to do with baby and whenever I would try to call him no one would answer or they would just hang up on me. They kept calling CAS on me, and pretty much making my life hell. Every time CAS would come into my home, they would leave apologizing and I would get a letter a week later saying case closed. But every time there is a call they have to look into it.

 

About 3 months later Dad was still not coming around. So I called him at work one day, he called back and I asked him to come over. I decided at that time it was in my sons best interest for dad and I to get back together.

I really thought in my head that all Joe needed was to bond and fall in love with his son and everything would be ok.

 

Well when his family and friends found out we were back together they made life hell. A couple months later things still weren’t good between him and his family and they were still calling CAS. Again we ended it.

 

And again he moved back in with his sister. And his sister had rules for him and 1 of those rules was he was not allowed to talk to me. Well with no communication between the 2 of us and our son being a baby that put a big dent on my son and dad spending time together. Which in my honest opinion is what his sister wanted!

 

His sister even went as far as to try and get a restraining order against me, which later the courts threw out! I could have took it a step further and had her charged with something, but I didn’t want to go that far.

 

These people have in total called CAS on me 6 times in 3 years.

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Ok that was the past, here is the present, about a year later ...

 

I have since moved, and have no contact with Dad, but we do exchanges at a supervised drop off pick up center. So my son can see his father. Since I have moved CAS has not been here.

 

It has been over a year since I have spoken to any of those people. And I really have no desire to.

 

But my son is now 3 and wants to talk on the phone, one of the people he always asks to call is his Dad. So a few days ago I let him call his dad.

 

Dad’s sister answered (my sons only Aunt). My son asked for his dad (a little shy about it but he eventually did ask). Aunt said “Is this …(using my sons name)” and my son said “yes” She hung up on him!! Just as cold as that!

A 32 year old grown woman and she hangs up on a 3-year-old little boy!!

 

So now I am concerned for the well being of my son while he is with his father. If she can hang up on him knowing I am there and can hear that, then what does she do and how is she towards my son while he is there and I can’t hear her!

 

I really can’t understand why she is this way. Yes me and her brother had a horrible relationship. Yes I did kick him out more then once, and each time she had to help him. Yes I have in the past called the house repeatedly and argued with him. Yes a couple of times when I picked my son up him and I got into an argument.

 

But what does any of that have to do with her? Why couldn’t she just stay out of it and let us work it out!

What the heck did my son ever do to her to be treated the way he does! It’s wrong!

 

Now that time has passed and the situation is no more in my face I am able to sit back and really think about it. and I really think that if Joe's sister would have minded her own business Joe, myself and my son wouldn't have the issues we have today! I really think everything would have worked out

 

So I am taking my power back! I called CAS this time. Not because I wanted to, but because I feel I have no choice. I am concerned for my son while he is around his Aunt. What is going on at that house. And until I get some answers my son is not going back there. I contacted the supervised access place to let them know, there isn’t much they can do they are just there to bring my son to his dad and then bring my son back to me.

 

Do you think I am over reacting?

 

It would be a lot different if dad and I had communication, but we don’t.

It took everything in me to not call her back or go to her house! I don’t want to argue with these people. I just want to make sure that my son is loved and wanted while he is there. And right now at this point I’m really not sure!

It needs to be a healthy environment for him while he is there

 

This is one wacky situation and I’m not sure anymore what to do. I am waiting for CAS to let me know what they think.

 

How do you make people realize what they are doing is more harm then good?

 

Thanks for reading this, I feel better now. Sorry if I offended anyone I just needed somewhere to vent and could really use some outside opinions and advice.

 

Meadow

[jenny_mcs]

 

Dad’s sister answered (my sons only Aunt). My son asked for his dad (a little shy about it but he eventually did ask). Aunt said “Is this …(using my sons name)” and my son said “yes” She hung up on him!! Just as cold as that!

A 32 year old grown woman and she hangs up on a 3-year-old little boy!!

 

So now I am concerned for the well being of my son while he is with his father. If she can hang up on him knowing I am there and can hear that, then what does she do and how is she towards my son while he is there and I can’t hear her!

 

 

Ok, I would find this very upsetting, and for precisely the reasons you do. I would be worried about how my son was being treated when he was over at the aunt's house (which sounds like that is where the dad lives now).

 

It's hard though, because it isn't like she is breaking any laws, she's being a vindictive jerk, and it sounds like she may be channeling her anger at you towards your son.

 

Even though it might not go over well, you should let your ex know that his sister is hanging up on your son. I think your ex should know that his sister is preventing contact between him & his son.

 

I also think you should ask your local child services agency if they have any mediation services- I think it would be good if you and your ex could sit down with a trained professional and talk through some of this stuff.

 

Hang in there- I don't think you are over-reacting, you are are upset on behalf of your son, and I think any mother would be. Good luck!

[AnxiousGirl]

I'm so sorry to hear how your son was treated. My son is around your son's age and I know I would be very upset if someone were to treat him this way. He's still a baby and doesn't understand.

 

I'm a single mom and my son has no contact with his dad. We've had family problems, and everybody gets involved and it somehow always makes it worse.

 

If your ex can not be consistent in your sons life then your son is much better off without him! You are stable and consistently there for your child, whereas his father is not. It's going to confuse him someday when he realizes that Daddy only comes around when it's convenient for him.

 

I understand that this is not fair to you or your child, but why keep trying if he's just going to cry to his sister and let her run his life? He's an adult and can make his own decisions. I don't think you can expect him to take an active part in your sons life when he's still acting like a child himself.

 

I know how you've tried so hard to make it work, especially for your sons sake, but in certain situations it's healthier to remain apart. Your son will not have problems growing up in a single parent household, but I think if you continue to let his dad walk in and out of his life, he will.

 

I'm sorry, but REAL "family" would NEVER EVER treat your son like that.

[Sunshine75]

While your son's aunt is deeeeeeep! It's his father that is the real problem.

 

What kind of man will let other women rule his life and his interactions with his son?

 

The only man who would do that, is one who doesn't want to be responsible for his own life. How is he an adult and he frequently goes back to his sister's house? Why doesn't he get his own place?!?!

 

The situation isn't healthy for your son because when he's with his dad - who for all intents and purposes is a child himself - no one is responsible for him or looking out for him. Instead of his dad looking out for his best interests, no one is when he's visiting with him.

 

I would suggest making an appointment with the courts and request counselling and supervised visits. You could explain the entire situation and the reasons behind this - vindictive aunt, weakminded father, etc. The counselor could determine what is best and would also talk with the father alone to let him know his responsibility as a father includes not allowing his sister to interfere in his relationship with his child.

 

I hope things get better for you and your son.