Jump to content

i screwed up.

Recommended Posts



L and I went to the same college.

I fell for L.

I convinced myself I was over her when she asked me to be one of her roommates.

Once we were roommates, I got worse.

I made a command decision to change my situation. Very unfortunately, this involved emotionally cutting off from L.

L was confused by my behavior, rightfully so.

L doesn't like my new friends, or who I've become. We hardly talk. I fluctuate between missing our friendship and believing we are too different now to go back or go forward.

I'm moving out, L knows, though I haven't told her directly. She thinks I am disrespecting her; I am just cowardly, and don't know how to approach her anymore. I don't know if I'm about to get * * * * * ed out, or cold-shouldered.

What can I say, short and sweetly, to persuade the conversation to be gentle, non-confrontational, civil?


I read what I've written after 'I fell for L' and am amazed at how complicated I let everything become because I never told her why I did everything. I used to be completely, completely honest, with everyone and with myself. This whole thing has stripped me from my truth-telling principles. I never realized what falling in love with the wrong person can do to you.

Link to comment

Hi, jccphoto.


Welcome to ENA.


Why do you say fall for the wrong person-- hope she's not straight and homophobic.


Anyway, if I were in your shoes, I'd clear this before moving out. I don't know how emotional a person you are, if you can carry a calm tone throughout an all-out confession, but if you are, you can opt to write her a letter. You petty much said everything in you post. Write that down-- it reflects that you have been aware but have just been at a loss as to how to deal with it.


But most importantly, apologize. Own up that this complicated mess is your fault and you just didn't know what best way to go about it.


Will you let her know exactly how much you've fallen for her? Weigh how much you want to disclose because it might affect your friendship after this.


Good luck. Don't chicken out. You both need some closure... and you really owe her an explanation.

Link to comment


my advice to you would be to tell L why you began to behave the way you did (distancing yourself and all of that).


Its hard to be honest at times, but its really important that you are. Although its difficult, i would, for one second, simply close my eyes and picture what L must be thinking or feeling. Of course you are also feeling down and it hurts a LOT to be in love with the wrong person, but if you simply forget that for one second, you close your eyes, and you truly picture what it must all be like for her, maybe it can help you to find the strength to be honest. What can you see as you shut your eyes and imagine? Shes probably lost, wondering why you distanced yourself, wondering maybe what she did, or trying to think of something she possibly did, shes maybe frustrated because she cares about you as a friend, because theres simply no apparent reason for your distancing yourself. Who knows, maybe she misses you a lot, and would kind of want you back.


What im saying really is, that sometimes its very important to momentarily let go of our own situation and to just put yourself in the other persons shoes. it always seems like you are doing it for the other person, but in the end, if you do that, you will also be doing yourself a favour, because it will help you just re-think everything through and really see if honesty is or not worthwhile. Id say it really is worthwhile.


If you tell her, (my advice is that you do), at the start things may be weird, and thats normal. Honesty sometimes implies taking a risk, as you will be doing here, and if the outcome is a good one, after a while, the oddness will disappear and your friendship might become even stronger. In the long run, that could be a truly precious thing. Real friendsips can overcome all sorts of hassles and obstacles, and if you are honest with her now, not only will you get it off your chest, but you'll get the chance to really test your friendship at the same time. Its true that sometimes honesty (like in this kind of case) can distance people or make things really odd, but you know what? It very often doesnt. Many times its exactly the opposite way around and in the long run people respect you for your honesty and you will respect yourself.


To tell her, you could simply say something like hey, we havent spoken in a long time, isnt it a little bit silly to not have spoken in so long? (use a fun, lighthearted tone) and when you two are alone, simply bring up the topic of your distancing and gradually drop little hints. later on, maybe on a different occasion (so its not too much at once), simply tell her. say: i have feelings for you (maybe not that you are in love, as that could be a bit too much), but simply: you are very special to me, and i have never really met a person quite as special as you (smile)


id really take the risk. if it turns out bad, well, your friendship with L was on the way down anyway (considering you have actually distanced yourself). If it turns out good (it really could in the long run), you could get all sorts of good things out of it: your own self respect, hers, a stronger friendship, (plus, eventually we all can get over people), and who knows, maybe even (if you are really really lucky, something a little bit more than friendship with her)! you just never know what people really feel or what things really are until things are out in the open.


go for it! Good luck.

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...