Jump to content

Is it possible to rebuild?


Cole33

Recommended Posts

I'm just curious where people stand on this topic.

 

after such a deep deception, lies, cheating and some manipulation, is there any chance that things can be repaired, is it foolish to think or even try when the wounds are so deep, can you just pick up from where you left off so soon, or does some serious time have to go for there to be any chance. to really start from scratch

Link to comment

As Snoopy24 says, some people can get over it and make it work again afterwards, but they are a very small minority, and usually in cases of first-and-last time infidelity that were discovered/admitted to quite quickly, with no recurrent deception.

 

Unfortunately, that clearly doesn't apply to your situation, and in your case I'd honestly have to say the chances of it turning into happily-ever-after are virtually zero. I wish I could give you better news, truly.

Link to comment

Not it actually helps to hear it, and yes, i think you're right, that from something like this, it just can't be repaired, and as well, I shouldn't want to, because however I feel about the loss, this is not the kind of person I WANT to be with.

 

I guess people can recover, like one said, depending on the situation, i've seen people do it, but when I end up thinking it all through, when I put the dozens and dozens of signs and pieces together it doesn't even make any logical sense to even try.

Link to comment

I say yes it can be rebuilt, but you need 100% commitment from both of you.. and it will still be hard.

I'm in the rebuilding part myself and things are going very good. I feel 'down' every once in a while now but i'll be better.

Each case is different as well. In my case we are late 30's, been together since our teens, so more than half our lifetimes. My wife had an affair and then ended it, and then told me about it. We've been fixing and working on our marriage since.

 

--Rum

Link to comment

I guess it depends on the crime.

I know with my recent troubles I could never forgive him. I'd moved to another country for him, spent a lot of money on the move and on the house in general. Had to make a lot of sacrifices on account of that. Then he blew £1700 in an hour of self indulgence. It would take a true Saint (or martyr) to forgive that one.

Link to comment

Like some of the others have said, I think it depends on the person and the crime. I'm certainly no expert, but from my own personal experience I would say the chances are slim. In my case after being cheated on for 4 years, I only gave myself a month to do me until I not only got back together with him but also moved in. I find myself angry all the time and full of resentment. So... good for you Cole33 to recognize that isn't the kind of person you want to be with, otherwise you might end up unhappy everyday.

Link to comment

Right Tikkii, I can understand that, and this is where my heart is confused, now that we have been broken up for a week, and she's been seeing her ex, she now is calling me and writing me saying that, would you even consider taking me back, whats happened is this

 

she basically went back to him, and wasn't with him for about 4 months now, in a relationship that is, but now having a week with him, all the things that were wrong with him, are still there, all the reasons they didn't work reared there ugly heads again.

 

and now she's like I forgot, that he never showed me any emotion unless he was losing me or with someone else, I forgot that he was always in the worst moods in the mornings and would yell at me, I forgot that he is an insomniac and wakes me up countless times in the night when I have to get up early and I forgot that he was never cheerful or smiling, and I forgot that he's rarely in a good normal mood and it always puts me in a bad state. I feel like he wanted me so badly when I was with you, but in one week he's back to not showing me emotion, not showing me he's grateful to have me back.

 

and now I don't know what to do, am I a fool to even give her another shot? I love her, but I feel put through the ringer.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hey, I'm in the same situation only I'm the cheater and yes, I'm a female not a Male! First of all I never lied to my bf about my cheating. It happened twice way in the beginning of our relationship because he wouldn't show up to dates and would ignore my calls. Still no excuse of course. (Cheating in our relationship constituted kissing or beyond) I only kissed both times. He understood his problems and mine. After that, a year and a half later it was rosy and perfect until he had to leave the continent. Now the same cycle is starting again, him ignoring my calls, missing bdays, not calling for weeks. A VERY one sided relationship. The anger built up soooo much and I hurt him again, only kiss of course. Now i am in college so drinking= not a good idea when angry at long distance lover. With the third person, however, he was very aggressive and I had asked him to stop when I realized i loved my not so perfect bf so that would b even another situation all together. In short, I've made multiple mistakes that i'm terribly not proud of and repulsed by. He and I have now given it one last shot. So far he's been making an effort to call and i do believe that it does take 2 people to make a relationship work. In your case, re asses his side and ur side. First of all what kind of cheating is it? If he is having a RELATIONSHIP behind your back, i think that is off the wall and really hard to forgive. In my cases, these were random guys that i had no attachment to besides the anger i had towards my bf. I finally realized after everything that, that wasn't the way to deal w/ my problems. I am either considering to take some space from him or have us both change together. We both deeply love each other and when we're together, we're inseparable. If you love the person, you can try your best to make it work. Sometimes it deserves one chances, other times multiple chances. Don't let the person lie to you though. I think cheating is bad on all scales and I'm no one to preach any different. But i feel better about myself knowing that I told him and we can work on our problems together. REALLY think about that. Good luck

Link to comment
As Snoopy24 says, some people can get over it and make it work again afterwards, but they are a very small minority, and usually in cases of first-and-last time infidelity that were discovered/admitted to quite quickly, with no recurrent deception.

 

Unfortunately, that clearly doesn't apply to your situation, and in your case I'd honestly have to say the chances of it turning into happily-ever-after are virtually zero. I wish I could give you better news, truly.

 

And I'll go with Karvala on this one. Love shouldn't ensnare you to a miserable life. Time to use logic in this case lest you be the star of you ownHhigh Drama Soap Opera. This woman sounds damaged and it ISN'T your responsibility to fix her.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...