Friends in Your Mid/Late-20's

[guyinpa]

I feel that I'm in an odd period in my life right now. I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this:

 

So I'm 26 now, and I've been out of school now for 3 years. I feel like the time has flown by and I've been extremely busy. All of the sudden, I feel like I no longer have many friends. In college, I had a ton of close friends and we did a good job of staying in touch immediately out of school.

 

Now, everyone has scattered all over the country and many are in serious relationships, getting married, extremely busy, or just fallen off the face of the earth, it has become much harder.

 

There is something to be said about having friends in close proximity that have similar interests. I'm tired of simply just going out to the bar, as I have a ton of other interests. I stay very active and busy - but no one else around here is interested in my activities.

 

Is this normal to feel this way? Would I think differently if I were in a serious relationship? I feel that many of my friends no longer stay in touch or hang out because they spend all of their time with their significant others. We used to take trips together, now they only do bf/gf trips.

 

I don't know what to do. It is hard to stay where I am, but I feel like I have false hopes if I move to where some of my friends are. When do I throw in the towel and pick up and leave this town?

[melrich]

Now, everyone has scattered all over the country and many are in serious relationships, getting married, extremely busy, or just fallen off the face of the earth, it has become much harder.

 

Yeah that is what happens. You leave school with this big circle of friends and extended acquaintances and it just starts to get smaller. Wait till you have kids!

 

Time does get in shorter supply as you get older, start to work full time, start full on relationships and move toward being parents. Take my tip, it will get much worse before it gets better. I remember I used to phone 3 or 4 friends a day. Now it is more like one per week.

[KermitGirl22]

Ha, your post actually made me feel a lot better, because I came to this site for the exact same reason. Went to a superbowl party last nght and was the only single person there among a group of my formerly VERY good guy friends (I'm 28/f) and their new girlfriends...

 

It was fine to be single when my friends were too, but now it's like, nobody has any time for me. I came home depressed for the first time about this, and of course began mentally calculating how few phone calls I was getting, etc. And how long would it take people to realize I was missing if, God forbid, something were to happen to me.

 

I don't feel bad about myself because I know there's nothing wrong with me, it's just a product of the situation I'm in. The more I get into this situation, the more I throw myself into work which kind of feeds the problem!

 

I don't know what the solution is, because I feel like even if you go out and do hobbies, etc., you will meet great people but the chances of them becoming a really good friend is unlikely. I have tons of acquaintances and few good friends, all of whom are scattered around the country like you said.

 

Good luck!

[annie24]

what are your interests?

 

i know a lot of people wind up joining something like a frisbee league, a soccer league, volleyball, dance, etc..... and wind up making a lot of new friendships that way. they often go out after games, etc... i think that is a good way to make new friendships.

[Batya33]

Yeah that is what happens. You leave school with this big circle of friends and extended acquaintances and it just starts to get smaller. Wait till you have kids!

 

Time does get in shorter supply as you get older, start to work full time, start full on relationships and move toward being parents. Take my tip, it will get much worse before it gets better. I remember I used to phone 3 or 4 friends a day. Now it is more like one per week.

 

But it seems to me that the people with children have ready made friends- a ready made group - with the other parents.

[melrich]

But it seems to me that the people with children have ready made friends- a ready made group - with the other parents.

 

Yeah sort of. But going to the OP, I think he's talking about the circle of friends he made through school. And usually when you are young you have the time and energy to maintain a big circle of friends. It's that which gets whittled down over time as everyone goes their own ways.

 

Parents of other kids...you get to know them, more at acquaintance level and with kids the key subject for discussion. You do get close to some but in my experinece, you don't have that big network of social friends that you had at 17/18/19/20/21.

[guyinpa]

Thanks for the insight.

 

I really feel like I'm just in a transition period right now - still figuring out where I am.

 

I know there are some things I should do to help the situation - like you mention, get involved with some groups. I am very active and I'm looking to join a cycling club.

 

The past 2 years I have been traveling a ton for work and haven't had the time to get involved in things around where I life. Hopefully things will be better this year.

 

I like the idea about calling someone - pick one friend a week, just to catch up. Granted, unlike females perhaps I'm just not used to doing this. I figure I should at least try to say "Hey, whats up?" every now and then.