What to do when people stare

[m12988]

Yesterday my fiance and I were at a restaurant, and there was this couple who kept staring at us. We actually get this a lot. He has come close to beating the crap out of people for doing it, too We look like normal people, and there's really no reason to stare but I"m starting to think this has something to do with our racial differences. It's not because we are doing anything in public, because right when we walk in to a place without even saying a word, people will look at us. I live in a city in the south, where there are a very small amount of asians.

 

My fiance is asian, and i am white. He thinks they may be staring because they are racist against asians. It also seems that every couple/person we catch staring at us is white too, i never experienced any other race making eyes at us. We are not the least bit racist, but it was my observation. So any opinions on this? Do you ever had a problem with people staring at you?

[CallingAllAngels]

No, but I can see where you could easily become angry. And that's not the right direction to go in.

 

If it's just one person, perhaps you could smile politely, and say "excuse me, do I know you?"

[v-neck]

Stop being paranoid, who cares if they are staring (thats society for ya). If you guys are happy thats all that matters, let'em stare they are ignorant.

[m12988]

Well, we get angry and feel like yelling at them but we of course do not go through with it. It gets irritating for us because it happens a lot, thats why. We try to ignore them, but its hard to eat and talk when you know someone is staring (sometimes glaring) at you.

[lonely_me]

I can kinda relate. My husband and I are a mixed race couple (I'm the minority) living in a fairly rural area. People definitely notice us... but we've learned to disregard it for the most part. I don't know the people staring are necessarily racist, but I can tell that they are surprised when they see us. We've acknowledged that there isn't much we can do and have learned to accept and ignore.

[Hope75]

Maybe you could try just addressing it politely as someone above mentioned with a question like:

 

"Can we help you?"

 

"Do we know you?"

 

Calling someone on their rude behavior for the most part will embarrass them, and put them in their place.

 

It's a shame that in 2008 there is still so much prejudice.

[m12988]

Yeah, and i don't even live in a rural area. But when we go to bigger cities (we visit houston a lot, it's only a couple of hours away) we aren't stared at as much, as Houston has very many minorities. So thats why we think it may have something to do with race.

[m12988]

We are thinking about doing that hope, lol. They deserve to be embarrassed. Idiots. I'm glad there are people on this board who know better because it sure gets lonely in the world knowing a lot of people still don't accept other races.

[Entropy Smith]

Don't call them on it. They want a reaction out of you. Poise. Pick and choose your battles. Let them die off like gnats on their own.

[BellaDonna]

Maybe you could try just addressing it politely as someone above mentioned with a question like:

 

"Can we help you?"

 

"Do we know you?"

 

Calling someone on their rude behavior for the most part will embarrass them, and put them in their place.

 

It think Hope's suggestion is a great one...I'll just add to the list of potential responses with

 

"Are you all set?"

 

 

[rose2summer]

Or you can give them the time of their loves, and be very affectionate, so they can gawk more and freak out!

 

People are bad at seeing public affection, so go full force!

 

Might as well has some fun while you are at it.

 

Hugs, Rose

[ghost69]

if it's too much, i usually give that 'i know you are looking at me, wth you think you are looking at? look. usually stops them. it's got to be a lot though in a small timeframe. cause i usually don't care too much.

[3boys]

Whenever I've caught someone staring at me, I stare right back and they usually stop. If that doesn't work, I wave or blow them a kiss

[KAT MOMMY]

The best thing to do in my experiences is to A-stare back and give them the look of death or B-give them a show (PDA) or of course C-ask them what the hell are you staring at?

 

3 options-pick one!!! lol

 

Don't let them idiots make you feel any type of way-it's not your fault that they can't get a bit of yellow in their life. That is there problem not yours-if he makes you happy then you hold it down and damn what they think or do! At the end of the day it's all about you and YOUR beau-so if they want to hate let them hate

[Lana0120]

You only know if people are staring at you if they're boring a hole into you *or* you're staring at them. So maybe you feel self-conscious about this situation and it's not that people are actually staring at you as such? If that's really not the case, if it's prolonged staring that's rude and the best thing to do is probably catch their eye and smile and get on with whatever you were going to do. I think the key is showing them that their behaviour doesn't bother you and by smiling straight at them and then dismissing them, it shows that you don't give a damn.

[DN]

Think of it this way - they are being educated.

 

You are teaching them a valuable lesson that they have obviously missed so far.

 

So - smile and be pleasant and reinforce the lesson. Say nothing, do nothing else.

 

If people can see how different races can get along together to the point of being in calm, relaxed and non-aggressive relationships - and that they take it as perfectly normal and natural - that will reinforce the lesson even more.

[Lucy__lou]

I don't think because they're staring, even if it is because you're a couple of mixed race, means that they're racist. I mean, they should at least be trying to not stare, but often when you see something you don't often (or ever) see, then there is a temptation to look. They are taking it in because it's new to them. Yes it's rude and must be annoying for you to have them looking at you, but if you live somewhere that is dominated by whites, then it's simply something they haven't seen much of. The more they see it, the more normal it will become for them. Of course if they keep staring when you look up and see them, or if they're glaring in a mean way, that's very different, and that's when it's time to go up as the above poster said, and smile warmly and say 'do I know you?'

[MissIndigo]

Another half of a WF/AM pairing here.

 

I may reckon more that it's out of curiosity that you're getting looks in public. I get occasionally when I bring my BF around to my apartment complex--we have a common area where residents pass through. I distinctly remember a look another resident gave me a couple of days ago--likely she was surprised, and I just dismissed it. It doesn't worry me; there's nothing threating about the staring, and I don't think dear BF even notices.

 

I hope that out in public our relationship would show as an example of mature, successful dynamic between two people who care about each other.

[m12988]

Thanks for the posts, they are all very helpful. DN and everyone else who said i'm educating them is right, what naive people in my area we live amongst sometimes.

 

 

But no, i'm not staring at anyone, you see, the reason i catch them staring at me is because when i sit down and look around (maybe looking at the decorations on the wall, or looking for my waiter) i can't help but notice a pair of eyes on me like this After that, i'm OK but when i look around and notice again, then yeah, i get a little mad because its kinda an invasion of my privacy.

[m12988]

I hope that out in public our relationship would show as an example of mature, successful dynamic between two people who care about each other.

Very well said. They're just jealous because when we make babies they'll be ultra-cute

[RedSoxFan84]

That is so unfortunate that happens to you, it would really annoy me. I can't believe how rude some people are.

 

I haven't encountered that problem here in the Northeast and my SO and I have an age gap and are of different ethnicities.

[CallingAllAngels]

Again....I would smile and say:

 

"Excuse me...do I know you?"

 

That should leave them not only speechless, but EMBARRASSED.

[DN]

BTW - not everyone who stares is racist.

 

I would look (but not stare) - but simply because seeing inter-racial couples gives me hope for the future.

[rose2summer]

Ya, I must say I look too not stare) for the same reason as DN.

 

I am the product of a multi-racial marriage, and I hope there are many more multi-racial marriages to come.

 

Besides, children of multi-racial marriages have less genetic defects!! Yaaaa.

 

It might just be the authenticity and exciting way that people are finally accepting that we are just one great big species and not categorize people based on ethnicities.

 

Hugs, Rose