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Unhappy with my life right now (VENT)

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I am very unhappy with life ATM... So I am just gonna vent. This will take awhile...


And I am aware people have it worse than me, in third world countrys. But at the same time a bad thing is a bad thing, plain and simple. And you cannot be un-effected by everything just because someone else has it worse. Other wise we would all be numb. And what good would that be? Do we simply not be happy just because someone else has it better?


First up there was my breakup. The best thing that ever happned to me is now dead. Apparently I was the best thing to happen to him to. But the thing I dont get is how can you one day just find out your not in love with that person anymore? And he just acts like the break up is all my fault, When breakups like realtionships are two way streets. And then they act as tho they do not care about me, dispite the life we had together.


I just dunno if I hate him, If I love him, or I wanna hug him and be his friend. Maybe I just should not care about him anymore. Why not anyways? He dose not care about me...


Then there are my diseases... Both mentally and physically, I suffer from crohns disease, I have PTSD from an event at my school where some stupid girl thought it would be fun to threaten me, every day while acting serious about it. I am still messed up from it thinking people were gonna hurt me. Doctors think the stress off haveing PTSD brought on my crohns. But dispite it all I forgave that person Because what good would it do me to wish they were dead. And strew in hatred and anger. Nothing thats what!!


That person can live there life so long as it's far away from me, thats what I truly want. I apprently have psychosis to, due to me seeing angels and demons, but some think I am Clairvoyant. And am acctaully gifted, But I dunno the truth anymore. I was able to predict my bf dumping me it happened in my dream the exsact same way it did when it happened. How scary is that? what If I see myself die in a dream? I have seen some bad things happen to me in my dreams. Could they all come true? I mean yeah go ahead break my heart, So why stop there. Break the rest off my sanity to. I have seen one good thing and thats years down the track. I just dunno how many years.


I have no job, Because I can't get a job, ANYWHERE, I hated college. And wished I never went there it was a waste off time. Soo there for... I am currently single, Have no job, no car, and am currently on my L plates, I do not study, and I live with my parnets. I suffer from mental probblems and a bowel probblem. Life sucks for me right Now. But I am a christian so I at least try and live a good life. But somtimes It's just really really hard to be positive.


That was very long I know please exsept my apology.


But this really did help...



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