onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Hi, I am in the UK and wife and I have recently split. Not sure how much money to give her. The child support agency website say about £32 pw but we have a mortgage etc. on our home and she wont sell. Would it be wrong to just give her money for our child or should I try to give her more to help with house etc? Money is going to be very tight for me now anyway but will be really bad if I give her more. I think if she applies for ancillary relief and the judge says I will have to give her more it still doesn't kick in until decree nisi, which will be in a couple of years because there are no grouds for a quick divorce. If we sold the property we could pay off the mortgage and have about £80K+ to share between us. Link to comment
karvala Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 The answer to this is inevitably "it depends", because there are a number of other factors that come into play here. (1) Does she work? Did she always work while you were married? Full time? How much does she earn relative to you? If she doesn't work, can she, and how much would she expect to earn then? (2) How much are you paying her for the maintenance of the child (and who is child benefit currently going to)? (3) Who wanted the divorce (it seems like her from your previous posts), and was there any bad behaviour on either side (doesn't seem like it, but I'm a little unclear on that point)? (4) Do you have any savings that will be split between you now, that she could live off if necessary, or any other financial arrangements that you have voluntarily entered into? The basic principles here are that as far as possible, each of you should pay your own way, but she should not be penalised if she does not work or works but does not earn as much because she was staying at home looking after your child. Also, the child's home environment and well-being will inevitably be affected by how much money is coming into the household, so if the child is now living with your wife, and you don't pay any maintenance to your wife if she needs it and asks for it, you will run the risk of penalising your child for your feelings towards your wife. With regard to the home, that will be a major part of any bargaining that is to be done either between yourselves, or with counsel in front of a judge if it comes to that. If you have pension provision, for example (which she will have an entitlement to as well under current divorce regulations), part of your share in the house may be offset against that or other joint assets, if she is determined to keep the house. Judges are rather sympathetic to mothers with children who wish to remain in the former family home on the whole, so give some serious thought to how you can come up with a deal that will allow this to happen, rather than have one imposed on you from outside. Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Hi, She is is working full time and has been for many years, we are going to share the childcard 50/50 ie. one week with me and then one with her. Child benefit is going to her. I wanted a break but she isn't interested now so looks like we will be heading for divorce, only reason is we don't get on, nobody else involved (that I know of anyway). She can't afford the mortgage on her own so unless I pay (which I really cannot afford now) we will lose it anyway. If she could find a way of buying me out I would gladly let her, not attached to the house at all. Link to comment
surfjon Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I give mine $1000 per month, I just don't have it and we're only separated. I feel I'll be filing for bankruptcy very soon, I just don't make enough to cover things on my own and don't want to lose the house. Have had no luck finding a roommate She left me in the house and got herself a spiffy new townhouse. Link to comment
Ben Bax Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 If you go down the route of not paying through CSA then make sure every piece of money you give is accountable. Any money you hand to your ex needs to be signed for or done as a cheque, without proof they will try to clobber you for backpayments (unless you have records) if they are involved at any point Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Will do bank transfer over to her account, always did when we were married so already setup for that. Part of me wants to be kind and help her by leaving myself in the * * * * , but the other part of me thinks, sod it. We both wanted out of the marriage so both need to stand on our own two feet. I earn more than her but I have had to move out and organise new furniture etc. all at great expense. Link to comment
Sunshine75 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Well, the minimum allowance in my area is 1/10th of your income for child support. Alimony is usually based on other variables like both of your incomes, how long you were married, living expenses, etc. I'd give at least the 1/10th, make it payable by check and on the check write, "support payments." Whether she uses it for your child directly(clothes, food, etc.) or for other things that affect your child indirectly(bills, mortgage) it will be going to good use for your child's benefit. It will also show the courts that they didn't have to go after you for support. They tend to judge more against the ex-husband/father when he refuses to pay anything unless court ordered to do so. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 if you can sell the house and both come up with a lot of money to start fresh, that seems like the best alternative. then you can both buy property that you can afford on your own. she will have to give up the house sooner or later anyway if she can't afford it, so why not make plans and do it now? if you can agree on how to separate goods and do this on you own without the judge ordering it is preferable, to avoid fights where the lawyers rack up bills. Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 if you can sell the house and both come up with a lot of money to start fresh, that seems like the best alternative. then you can both buy property that you can afford on your own. she will have to give up the house sooner or later anyway if she can't afford it, so why not make plans and do it now? if you can agree on how to separate goods and do this on you own without the judge ordering it is preferable, to avoid fights where the lawyers rack up bills. Thats what I want to do but she refuses to talk to me, but has refused by text to even think about selling. This is going to be hard work. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 well, you can hope that her lawyer will talk sense into her. but she may know that frequently judges order the husband to pay the mortgage and temporary support (in addition to child support) until the divorce is final, so she is dragging her feet. you can only work to move the divorce along as quickly as possible as the longer it takes the more the lawyers get. so you might want to pay enough to pick up half the mortgage since the asset still is in your name too... and put your efforts into keeping the divorce moving forward. Link to comment
Zeter Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Be careful about acting upon anonymous legal advice posted on the internet. English law will vary from the laws of other English-speaking countries, and you don't want to set the stage for a bad end. Contact a solicitor. Zeter Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 From what I can see of UK law, she can only get child support at this stage. Everything else is allocated at the time of decree nisi. Which will be two years away at least from what I can make out. But think I do need to see a solicitor to make sure before I change anything. Link to comment
karvala Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Hi, She is is working full time and has been for many years, we are going to share the childcard 50/50 ie. one week with me and then one with her. Child benefit is going to her. I wanted a break but she isn't interested now so looks like we will be heading for divorce, only reason is we don't get on, nobody else involved (that I know of anyway). She can't afford the mortgage on her own so unless I pay (which I really cannot afford now) we will lose it anyway. If she could find a way of buying me out I would gladly let her, not attached to the house at all. Could you afford the mortgage on your own? If she wants the divorce more than you, and the child is sharing an equal amount of time with each of you (which, btw, I'm not sure is going to be a sustainable arrangement in the long-term for the child or one that the courts will like, but I hope I'm wrong on that), then I fail to see why she gets to live in the house at all. She wants out, and the child is still spending the same amount of time in the house regardless of who is living there, then she should move out. That would be my answer if you can afford to live there on your own. If you can't afford the mortgage on your own, and especially if you've both been working full-time for a period of years, then I would tell her that you fail to see why you should give her something that you can't even have yourself. It's not your job to help a divorcing wife have a higher standard of accommodation than she can properly afford, or that you can afford. Either way, I personally wouldn't pay at all. With regard to the CSA stipulation, this of course only applies if she is the primary carer for the child. If childcare is being shared properly equally, and you are both earning full-time salaries and have been for years, and you both want the divorce (and if anything her more than you), then there is frankly no reason why you should pay her anything at all. As it is, letting her keep the child benefit is effectively giving her about £80pm. Finally, as you've said in your last message, you should certainly see a solicitor (and one that specialises in family law) before finalising any arrangements or making any formal agreements. Link to comment
Clabs Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Hey ownmyownagain This is a very complex situation, and whilst I am sure you want to be fair to her, you also have to be fair to you. I think you are wise to go and see a solicitor. Most solicitors offer a reduced fee initial appointment. What I did was make a long list of the pertinent questions I wanted to ask and then made initial reduced fee appointments with several solicitors. This can help you keep your costs down whilst answering your questions and start to give you a feel for which direction you should head in. In an ideal world, you both should be able to afford to buy somewhere but I know how crazy uk house prices are - especially in the south. What I would say is that whilst your ex still has your daughter living with her for the majority of the time, then she wields the power because she is what is termed "primary carer". So far as primary carer status is concerned, the uk courts would weigh thing in her balance - ie - more important that she has a decent place to raise your daughter because their primary concern is "what is in the best interest of the child". I think your best tactic would be to move into your new place, and get your daughter spending shared and equal parenting time between you both. Build up some precedent so that her status as primary carer is diluted. Perhaps you could discuss this tactic with the solicitors. The only other thing I would mention about solicitors is that you should try to spek with those that are SFLA registered (solicitors family law association) because they have been trained to deal with things in a hopefully less hostile manner - many run of the mill solicitors are quite happy to use the emotional pain of a divorce to whip things up and write more letters! Hope this is of some help. Mark Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Thanks again Mark. Contact between my stbxw and me is very bad at the moment. In fact hardly any contact at all apart from a few texts a week at most. So not sure how she is doing money wise or what she is thinking, but think seeing a solicitor wont hurt just to get some advice. Link to comment
Clabs Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Hey again fella... Just a side thought, but do you have any joint credit cards? If you do, and either of you runs up debts on them, you are jointly responsible for that debt. Maybe I am thinking the worse but I have heard tales of ex's running up £20k debt on a credit card and when crunch time came - the other party was £10k down. Worth taking into account! Mark Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 We both have credit cards, but not joint ones. In the UK it doesn't matter anyway as we are both responsible for each others debts. I had to buy some new beds etc. the other day and because I haven't moved yet I had to raise credit against my old address. Not a secured loan but just shows how easy it is to add to family debt. Link to comment
Clabs Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Very true fella - secured and unsecured debt too - sounds like you are getting ahead of the game and have a good head on your soulders! Mark Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Very true fella - secured and unsecured debt too - sounds like you are getting ahead of the game and have a good head on your soulders! Mark Don't have much choice really. Want to be able to fast forward a few years to skip this horrible time. Link to comment
onmyownagain Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Very true fella - secured and unsecured debt too - sounds like you are getting ahead of the game and have a good head on your soulders! Mark Don't have much choice really. Want to be able to fast forward a few years to skip this horrible time. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.