Why can't guys break up?

[Chesnick]

So I broke up with my girlfriend of 9 months last week. For the past month or so I had been losing interest in the relationship, but she seemed to be getting more and more serious and demanding as a girlfriend. Finally we had a big argument and she said that I needed to change my behaviors to continue the relationship. We took a few days apart to think about things, and when I met her to talk I told her that I really wasn't interested enough to continue the relationship. I was ready to move on.

 

Naturally she was angry. She's not as angry anymore, but the thing is now she wants to know why. Apparently a guy needs a good enough reason if he wants to break up. Just telling her that I don't feel the same way about her anymore isn't good enough. She keeps asking "why?" Earlier today I tried once again to explain that just wanted to break up, and she told me I was selfish. WTF?? I really wanted to stay friends with her, but I don't know if that will happen if she continues to treat me like I'm asking for a loan.

 

My real question is this: in a woman's mind, is a guy ever justified in breaking up? It seems that in our society women are encouraged to end a relationship if they are not happy, while men are ridiculed and labeled a**holes if they want to. What's with the double standard? Don't women understand that men just want to be happy too? If a man in unhappy in a relationship, doesn't he have the right and the responsibility to tell the woman the truth?? If a guy feels that he will be attacked and guilt tripped if he tries to break up, then he will only continue to be unhappy in the relationship and become more likely to cheat on his girlfriend. During senior year in high school I confronted my girlfriend because I could tell that she was unhappy, and I let her go because I didn't want her to be. Am I wrong to ask for the same kind of understanding from a woman? How can I make her understand my feelings and not hate me?

[justagirl]

Hey there

Yes it is fine with a guy to break up with someone. It just turns out worse because girls are an emotional mess and can't understand things right away after break ups. She probably doesn't believe its happening and that its all a big bad dream and she's going to wake up any minute.

Women understand that men want the same things women do: trust, happiness and love...for the most past. Women have a tendency to take things harder, women tend to be more emotional and when they are removed and broken up with someone they are comfortable with it tears them apart.

You are completely right in asking for the same kind of understanding. You expect to not be hassled for something that is a perfectly good and legitimate reason to break up.

You had every right to break it off with her if you weren't happy.

I don't think you can make her understand, she has to figure it out on her own. You can tell her that you weren't happy only so many times, and the more you say it the more she'll ask why because she keeps getting the answer she doesn't want.

I've seen that for girls, they tend to do the "why" thing when they are dealing with something they don't want to believe is happening, a situation that hurts them greatly.

She'll recover and will realize eventually what you were really trying to say.

She doesn't hate you, shes hates that you 2 aren't together and isn't happy with the reason.

I hope this helped a little bit....

Justagirl

 

 

oh and girls...don't get all defensive on me please, this is just my opinion from what I've seen about how girls react to certain things. thanks

[lunatic]

I give you props because you actually went through with the break up. I tried to break up with one of my exs and she could not/would not hear me. She get me back in with sex and broke up with me two years later.

You did the right thing if you are not happy. You have needs too and you should be sure you did nothing wrong. If she is that mad with you then maybe some time is what see needs to hear. Tell her what you said in this post about not being happy and all. That is all she should hear because I don't know is not an answer. Tell her you need some time to think and maybe she will be able to get past this.

 

Hubman