Crush picked a fight with me???

[jhinesis]

Ok, so two days ago my crush started a fight with me online, over AIM. It was completely unexpected and out of nowhere, which makes me think it had been something he'd been thinking about beforehand. What was so surprising is that the subject-matter had NOTHING to do with him. It was about me. It was a big long rant about ME.

 

For some back story, me and this guy use to be co-workers for a long time. We were mildlly flirtatious, but both involved with other people so nothing happened. Then just out of no where, a few months ago, he starts contacting me online. We haven't seen each other in person for like 5 months. This goes well and we appear to be getting closer, often talking for over an hour or more each time. I eventually tell him that I use to have a "thing" for him, he responds that he had known, but never pursued anything because we were seeing other people and that no one who hadn't been interested would have put up with all of his teasing for so long. He indicates a dislike for a guy I started dating while we worked together and asks why I never "found out if he(this guy) was interested before dating this other guy". Which is dumb because this guy had a girlfriend then??? Any way, after I tell him this, he becomes even closer to me, we talk for longer and about more secretive, personal things. We really seem to be doing well, one night we talked for 2 and a half hours.

 

Then comes the fight, just out of no where. He had been drinking, granted. The next day after this really good conversation, he starts talking to me but appears annoyed. Just so you will know, my relationship with this guy has always been a playful one. We tease each other, *playfully* talk about being able to beat each other up, it's all in fun. Any way, he says that I "like teasing people because it makes them stay distant." and that "if I allowed someone to get close to me, I'd be afraid that they wouldn't like me". He continues that I "am afraid to date a REAL man because I fear he may not put up with my crap" and that I thereforeeee "date little wussy cowards". Then he goes on this HUGE rant about my ex(another co-worker of ours, this guy knew him before I even did) saying "he didn't know sh*t", "you liked him because you could wrap him around your finger" and that he had "the mind of a child". Then he gets mad at me saying that I spent all this time complaining about my ex(then boyfriend) to him when I should have just dumped him, but that I was too much a coward to assert myself. Then he's like "I'm just pointing out the inconsistancies, your highness" and "you shouldn't have said you liked to argue if you didn't mean it. I guess you meant you liked arguing with men with no backbone".

 

I, naturally, take this as an attack and become defensive, telling him that this is MY business and that he needs to stay out of it because he doesn't know everything or me. He backs off after awhile but still isn't "normal". Then we log off for the night. It just leaves me wondering where on earth did this come from? He's fine one day and then "attacks" me with this junk the next? I don't know if he likes me or if he can't stand me. I just have no idea why he was so MAD, it had nothing to do with him. Advice?

[DN]

"like teasing people because it makes them stay distant." and that "if I allowed someone to get close to me, I'd be afraid that they wouldn't like me".

Is there any truth to what he said - albeit he said it in anger?

 

Because it sounds to me as if he would like to be in a relationship with you but feels you are not allowing him to get close to you because of all the teasing and banter.

 

Would you like to be in a relationship with him?

[Rosey]

It sounds like he does like you - I don't know about you, but I wouldn't be talking to someone for an hour or more if I didn't have any particular liking for them. And with the teasing as well, I'd agree with DN on this.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

^^^Yeah, those are my thoughts as well. It sounds as if he might be a bit frustrated. Has he ever suggested that you two start dating? Can you think back to all your conversations and see if he gave any hints that you may have blown off as a joke? Sounds to me that you two need to sit down and talk things through...over the phone or in person...not electronically. Think about what you want and whether or not you would be interested in dating him.

[Mythical_Suicide]

 

I, naturally, take this as an attack and become defensive, telling him that this is MY business and that he needs to stay out of it because he doesn't know everything or me. He backs off after awhile but still isn't "normal". Then we log off for the night. It just leaves me wondering where on earth did this come from? He's fine one day and then "attacks" me with this junk the next? I don't know if he likes me or if he can't stand me. I just have no idea why he was so MAD, it had nothing to do with him. Advice?

 

 

 

I agree with what DN said, and (with no offense meant to you) am picking up that this guy is saying this because he likes you and you are taking offense because maybe some if not all of what he is saying is true. He was just being honest, while he could have gone about it a more, nicer way I think he was just trying to point out that he has been showing interest but you haven't been reciprocating. I really don't think he was "attacking" you more or less just trying to get his feelings towards you out.

[jhinesis]

That's the thing though, he has NEVER told me that he likes me. He's hinted at it, played around it, but never come out and said it. Which is why I am unsure. I, however, have told him that I liked him straight up, more than once. How could he possibly not know? Yes, I probably did take much too long dumping my ex and much too long complaining about him, but only because I felt bad about it. I don't like screwing people over, and I told him this. He responded with "so which is it? are you tough or do you not like screwing people over?"

 

But how can he be mad about things that have nothing to do with him? Even then, when I dumped my ex, he was STILL with this other girl. They have, I believe just recently broken up, but I believe that HE is inconsistant because he expects these things of me, when he won't do them himself.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think it is time to forget about the past and all the mysteries...get this out in the open. He quite possibly opened a door however clumsily and inappropriate...why not call him up and talk...don't rehash what he said because then he will just get defensive. Just call and chat and see how he is. See how the conversation goes and then maybe slide in the topic of you and him and whether or not you are just friends or something more. Someone has to bite the bullet here...it sounds like he is unsure of how to go about doing things. See what happens...if the answer is no, then just resume your friendship and you will know that you take any hints with a grain of salt unless he opens up the conversation directly about the two of you getting together. If the answer is yes, then that would be great. Either way, you have nothing to lose...everything will be a lot more clear.