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He has not filed for divorce yet


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I am dating a guy who is 45 and I am 43. I have been divorced 12 years. The man I am dating...his wife of 20 years left him about a year and half ago. He has made one attempt to get his wife to go to the court house to file for divorce (themselves) but she backed out or stood him up. Mind you she apparently treated him like dirt for twenty years. He says he does not have the money for "We the People" (they are Pro Se), they do the paperwork for you and then you file for divorce yourself.


I can't go to his house because his son is rude and disrepectful...His son wouldn't like it if I went to his house and stayed the night. I don't get asked out...we are always meeting and eating at my house. He apprently got stuck with the all the bills after the split. He worships the ground I walk on, would like to get married...

Also his "wife" did not file taxes since 1997 so he has a huge tax problem. An H&R block person has had his taxes for the last eight months and she still hasn't done his taxes.


He has money to pay his sons traffic tickets but not get a divorce....I am sure I answered my own question...but any opinions would help.



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It could be that he is concerned that if he files for divorce the settlement may be worse for him than if she files.


I advise having a proper discussion about his reasons and if they are reasonable then try to work out how to get the divorce more quickly.

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I think you should back away from this guy until he gets his ducks in a row.

His personal problems shouldn't become yours, including that son of his.

You deserve some respect, and if you're approaching marriage, you deserve a full explanation of his marital and legal situation.


Don't join a messed up lifestyle, or you'll have yourself to blame.

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My dear, it isn't ALL HIS WIFE'S fault, it takes TWO to make up this mess..


HE allowed the marriage to go on for twenty years, if he was "treated so terribly" why did he CHOOSE to stay? How come HE allowed the taxes to go unpaid, how come HE was not aware that the finances were all a mess? How come he hasn't raised his son to be a polite and respectful and responsible?


Be careful of the guy who claims he's the victim of the horrible wife.. because he made a choice to stay involved for 20 years, he made a choice to ignore the finances. he makes a choice to pick up his grown son's ticket tabs, he makes a choice not to have enough financial responsibility and security... this guy is not only IRRESPONSIBLE, he actually BLAMES someone else.. be careful as much as you are up on a pedestal now in his eyes, you will soon enough be the "reason" he can't do this or that...any guy who blames his ex wife for HIS financial status, and makes her out to be the 'issue".. well where is HIS responsibility in all this? He played some part in it...


Take care of yourself, and in a kind way tell him,


"as much as I enjoy spending time with you, I have discovered that you have too much unfinished business to deal with, and it's not fair for either of us to stay involved and get our lives all muddied up with resentments, so you go and get divorced, work on your relationship as a father to your son, teach him accountability and responsibility, and when you feel you have your life in order THEN you may contact me, but until then I need to focus on my own life".

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Heidi, Im not a pro in divorce, but common knowledge should tell you that he's going through some tough things now. I'd be his 'friend' until he was able to get a divorce and put his life back together or you're going to find yourself unhappy and miserable real fast because simply, he's not happy with is own life. Good luck. †




cont... I want to clear up that I don't mean go and desert him, thats not what im saying, be supportive as best as you can, but keep your life in tact and sane in doing so.

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Have you EVER been to his house?? Perhaps he is STILL with his "horrible" ex?


Let me tell you...there is a good chance this guy is STILL married AND LIVING WITH that "terrible" ex wife of his.


I would be VERY cautious that you are not getting involved with a TRULY married man here. (i.e....in other words...she has NOT left him)


Something doesn't smell right to me.


Just my 2 cents, based on your post. Lots of red flags for me.

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if you were starving, would you go for:


-the piece of meat tied to your leg with sharks swimming all around you?


-the nice steak sitting on the table with a fork in it right in front of your face?


take the one with no attachment and fewer problems. don't continue with this guy.

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