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My ex-boyfriend was my best friend..now what?


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Hi everyone. I have been reading all the "break up" post trying to get some insight into my own situation. My boyfriend broke up with me today...for the second time. It's almsot as painful as last time except that I don't seem to want to cry as much although that dull pain in my heart is still there. I understand that I NEED to move on from this relationship. Aside from the fact that I realized that this guy was as immature as a 13 year old, I learned a lot about myself. I've been trying to control some bad habits that broke us up in the first place but I completely understand that this needs to be over and that I need to move on....I sound ok right?


Well the problem is that (and I couldn't relaly find any posts like this or I wouldn't have posted this one..) he is virtually my only friend. Like many of you know, high school is all about who gets what type of car and who was caught kissing who and that pretty much summarizes my school as well. I got to a public school but it is one of those schools designated fro smart students only so a lot of kids that would have gone to private school are there. I'm not saying i hate "rich kids" but I always find myself embarrassed at times because my family is well...dirty poor. I don't have a car, my mom still has to pick my up from places. Not so cool eh? Well My ex boyfriend was really my only friend. NOt only did he know all this but he and I just clicked you know? And now that we're no longer together I find myself missing my friend.


I know a lot of the advice here is to NC it for a couple of months but we scheduled all our classes together, we eat lunch with the same people etc etc. I know I can be cordial and go sit with another group of friends,but I just don't know how I am going to be able to make it through this. I'm not "anti-social" (well a bit) and i can make "acquaintances" easily but I've never found somebody that I can truly call my friend until I met him. I don't want to just hang out with a bunch of people that I don't really like forget along with that great to forget him. Heck! Wouldn't that make me miss him more? Does anybody have any advice?!?!?

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Sorry to hear about your situation. Are there any hobby clubs or organizations you could join? Maybe you could meet more people that way. You have the right idea of introducing yourself and asking a group of different people to sit with. Only you know the situation best, but the more you don't hang around him.....I think it will help you in the long run. I can imagine it would be hard to go total NC since you're in the same classes. Best wishes to you.

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I would say you need to meet new people, and make friends with those people outside off school. Maybe even find a better bf in that whole circle off friends. Maybe even just do it to get our mind off your ex. And have fun. I know haveing classes with your ex will be hard. Just pretend he is invisable tho in class and keep your mind on your work.

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Wow, I completely understand what you are going through SweetSmilingYeti (nice name!)...I was in your shoes with my very first serious relationship/first love. He was my best friend and, like you, I didn't relate to the other kids in my neighborhood or school. So I know how much pain you are in and how disorienting this must feel for you, especially having classes with him still.


The best way to deal with this is to keep busy and focus on school. I would suggest talking to one of your teachers that you trust or a school counselor. It will help to have some adult support while you're going through this. Also, take this as an opportunity to make new friends, especially female friends. I made some very close friends (male and female) after that boyfriend and I broke up. Don't put any pressure on yourself to date or get into another relationship. Just try to meet new people and get reacquainted with yourself. You may have to be satisfied with acquaintances until you can meet someone that can be a good friend to you like your ex-boyfriend. At this point, since you can't go NC, the less contact you can have with him, the better. It's known as LC (limited contact).


I like Jadewhisper's advice to find a club or organization at your school that you could join. I did that and it helped a lot.

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Thanks for the advice guys! It has really helped. It's been really hard lately. I just feel really lost right now. I don't know how I am going to handle this tomorrow in school! I see him in every period! I know I should sit with another group of people but at the same time I feel like why should I, you know? It's bad enough he broke my heart now i have to use up energy to completely avoid him?

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Although I'm a bit older than you my recent break up was also with my "best friend" boyfriend and pretty much my only good friend although I had aquaintances just not good friends. First off even though what you are going through is very awful and painful, you could turn the situation around. Instead of thinking negatively about what you are missing what you don't have and didn't have during your relationship (i.e a close social group for support) think of this as an positive opportunity to change your own life. A fresh start, a clean slate. This break up isn't all about him, it's all about you and creating a better life for yourself! He is clearly the loser in the situation, after all he doesn't have you anymore!


You said you find it easy to talk to others, but you don't have anyone you are close to? You are in a good place to meet new friends, you have the confidence to do it for a start. It doesn't matter if you feel you don't share the same lifestyle as your peers in school, this makes you a more interesting person to know, you've got character. Does your school run any events or after school clubs? Maybe you could join? Even outside of school? You might even find people who know you guys have broke up become quite supportive and you may become closer to others you already know.


As for how do you deal with seeing him everyday? This is hard but you are going to have to find a way to deal with it. This is going to be the test of your strength but you can do it. Stay super confident and it will drive him mad to see you getting on with things and enjoying life without him!


Good luck to you and let us know how you get on!

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