I need to vent and I would love some insight

[thekid55]

I have made many posts on here. Every time I feel weak, I need to write one of these. It makes me feel so much better.

 

Background, 2 year relationship in high school. I'm 18 and she is 16. Great times together. Serious relationship. I left for college in September. She broke up with me in late Oct because she wants to experience high school. Run down of events after break up.

 

-I was needy, weak, clingy for a month

-She would never give me the decency to speak with me about the relationship

-We had plans to get together over Christmas and Thanksgiving, never happened

-She has a new boyfriend who she is so hot and cold with. Two different people and personality types.

-She has written blogs online saying that she wishes our relationship never happened, but doesn't regret it.

-I don't initiate contact with her anymore.

 

So I will just give a brief run down of the last week. Last Saturday, I was at a basketball game. She sent me a pix message of her in a bra. I didn't respond back. That night she called me 6 times, texted saying, "you said you would always be here. Call back"....I did call her back and she just made up some story that someone got her phone and sent the pix to me. I think she was just embarrassed that she didn't get my attention.

 

Few days later, she IMs saying "guess what?"...I didn't respond. The next day, she IMs me and asks me why I don't talk to her anymore. I just say that I've been busy with school. And she keeps getting angry that I don't talk that much to her. And she ends up getting frustrated and leaving. The day after that, she IMs me again, trying to make conversation, but I end it after a few minutes.

 

She had removed all mentions of her boyfriend online. They seem to be so hot and cold. Even the other day she said to him, "I hate you" But she added them back in last night saying like, "I love my boyfriend to death!" Even now her away message is "with ****** =)"...Beforehand, she has flirted with all of these different guys online saying like "We should get married! and I love you"

 

I have met some new girls here at school. I am trying to take it slow with them. But I do love and miss my ex. I know that I am at college and she is at high school. I am 2 hours away. Since we are so young, I do think that the distance is a reason that we aren't together. I also think she is afraid of being in a serious relationship at 16. I do want her to grow up and experience different things. I am doing the same thing. It just really bugs me with all of these different things she is doing. It does break my heart to see her happy with someone else, but she is so inconsistent. I know it seems like she doesn't know what she wants...What do you think of this situation and behavior?

[MorbidMetalHead87]

She wants attention, do not give it to her. You were doing the right thing by egnoreing her IM's and text msgs.

[thekid55]

Anyone else?

[donebeingtheother1]

Yes.. I had this same deal my first year at school and my girl in Highschool...

She needs to be there.. going through highschool.. and you are gone, on your own .. growing more than she is right now. It is good for you... and not good for her.. and she dosen't know what she wants. As much as she loves to have you want her... she still wants someone her age.. where she can lead the relationship... as she can't lead you in yours. Do you understand? When her new guy does something she doesn't like, or isn't in control of... she wants to feel wanted by you.. as you are more mature than her new guy.

Just get on with school... you'll find a girl... and she be close to you.. you have to worry about going home to deal with your ex. Chances are she's so hot and cold with him, is because she isn't really into this guy, and is only trying to hurt with seeing him... and knowing that you read her crap online.. she knows you know and care... and that is only hurting you in every way...

Don't read her crap online, don't talk to her... if she texts you... want 3 or 4 hours... or a day. Telling her you are seeing a new girl....

See what she says about that. Chances are she'll run to the new guy... for all sorts of reasons.. to get you back. to get back ar you, to get you off her mind. It will only make both of you crazy the longer you play her game. Be the stronger one... and get on with your new life.

[thekid55]

I know what you mean with your points. I do not want to lie though to her and say that I am seeing a new girl. I am kind of seeing this one girl, but it's not an exclusive thing. Not boyfriend/girlfriend. We are in a class together, we talk a lot, flirt online, and only have had lunch together once. And I don't want to go out of my way to tell her that I am seeing someone new. That seems like I am trying to rub it in her face. I really don't think she is too into this new guy. She tries to publicize online that "I am the happiest I've ever been", etc.

 

Also, school does have lengthy breaks during the summer and winter. I don't know what is going to happen then, but I would love to have her back this summer so we can spend it together like we have the last two.

[thekid55]

Anyone else? All thoughts are welcomed!

[Coffee80]

I know how tempting it is to go back,but I think since things are the way it seems.U must try and move on.What you been doing lately seems the right thing to do.

 

If you are going to give her attention,you are going to be paining..

[thekid55]

Yeah I know what you mean. I do need to give her the appropriate time to grow up. While she is finishing high school, I will be enjoying college. Maybe I will meet someone new. I will be keeping my opinions open with everything. Who knows what will happen when we get older. Her and I will always have that closeness and bond whenever we are physically together or near each other. Anyone else?

[thekid55]

anyone????

[Nick_10]

hey buddy,

this is SO crazy because this is the EXACT same situation as mine hahahahahhaha. Like I am 17 and my girlfriend and 16 and yes we are quite young, but it is scary how close our situations are. We dated for 23 months and she broke up with me on new years. Now she broke up with me two times prior to that but because I was so in love with her (and even quite pathetic if I may ask myself), I took her back.

Now 2 times were her fault, BUT the time that was my fault was really a big misunderstanding. I never cheated on her or anything like that, God I would NEVER do anything like that, but I was talking to this girl she hated behind her back (dumb move by me, never made the same mistake ever again) and she dumped me for that.

Anyways back to my story. So yeah she dumped me on new years eve and I was crushed. I barely talked to her and even at school I would avoid her. The one day she was really sick and I told her that i hope she felt better and she said that whoever I talked to was exaggerating and that she was fine. So yeah thats what our convos were like, she just turned me down and made me look like a goof.

Anyways, one day she got mad at me because I completely avoided her at my school and like I did my best to not even look at her because it hurt me so much you know?

So yeah I tried to talk to her at school, but the ONLY way she would talk to me is if I were to talk to her first. I realized this and then I got upset so I tried to avoid her again.

Then I learned that 4 days after she dumped me, she went out with one of my buddies (who she would flirt with ALL THE TIME when she was with me) and that made me feel great too. And I am told that they are seeing one another, so yeah that made me feel upset, but I never said a word because I love her and I just want her to be happy.

Then this morning, I sent her a text saying good morning and that I hope she has a nice day and she texted me back and gave me crap cause I woke her up!!! Like what in the heavens is THAT? I was SO mad because like for the past few days, she kept texting me wondering whether or not my sister thought she hated her. This was so because like when my little 8 year old sister went to go and see her, and say hi, my ex rolled her eyes and acted as though she was annoyed by that.

Well reading this over, I can see it makes little sense because my story is all over the place, but I promise all of this did happen.

I just dont know what to do. Like she gets all mad at me for not talking to her and when I try to, she just snobs out at me and it makes me feel like garbage. I never cheated on my girlfriend and I honestly, and I know this is pathetic, but I devoted my life to her at 17. Like I wasnt clingy, but like I did EVERYTHING I could for that girl and now she is treating me like poop!

I dont know. I love her and I miss her so much, but the girl I fell in love with is no longer there anymore. This new person that she has become is so much different.

SOrry about the length here, I just kinda had to vent. Thanks guys!

[Nick_10]

Yeah I know what you mean. I do need to give her the appropriate time to grow up. While she is finishing high school, I will be enjoying college. Maybe I will meet someone new. I will be keeping my opinions open with everything. Who knows what will happen when we get older. Her and I will always have that closeness and bond whenever we are physically together or near each other. Anyone else?

 

and yeah man im doing the same thing. I am giving her space and everything like she wants and who knows what will happen in the future. I think my ex needs some time to mature, and I do also. And like you said, my ex and I were SO close, we were best friends man. Ahh I dont know haha, relationships are so hard when they dont work out!

[thekid55]

I know what you mean. It is tougher for you to move on since you do see her everyday in high school. I am at a college 2 hours away from home and she is in high school. Since the breakup, I have only seen her twice. Once when I went back to my high school for a visit and another time when I went to see her at work. (I thought we would reconcile at this time). I honestly never saw her so happy when I went to see her at work.

 

I think that teenage girls feel like they will be missing out on life if they are in a committed relationship. Guys seem to settle down and like to get into the flow with a girl. Girls don't realize how great things are until they are gone. If I were you, I would just tell her to leave you alone, you can't be friends with her right now, maybe you can be one day, and best of luck in the future.

[thekid55]

Create your own thread or message me and I'll try to help you if you need it.

[Nick_10]

You are totally right big guy and I thank you for your advice because it makes me feel good to hear it.

I am okay, I had a thread a while ago but once and a while i still need to vent you know? I hope everything is going great for you my dear friend and I wish you the best of luck in your future as well.

Thanks for everything buddy.

 

Nick

 

p.s. Tim Teebow is sick, I love the guy. hahaha

[thekid55]

I know. We all need to vent sometimes because we feel weak. I do wish you nothing but the best in the future. Anytime, message me. I will respond!

 

Timmy T is a sick, sick man. Let's win another title.

[Nick_10]

thank you buddy and for sure I will do that and the same goes to you. If you ever need some help, you tell me and I will be more than happy to help.

And yeah I agree with you. I am an Irish fan (I know they are not the best at this moment) but I do love Florida too. Great team haha and great offense.

I hope all the best for you as well big guy. Thanks again eh

[thekid55]

Anyone Else?!?!?!?! Please Help Me

[Nick_10]

buddy,

if there is something else on your mind, write it down here bud so we can give you some insight haha.

Hope all is well pal

[thekid55]

I'm just not sure what to do about her moving forward. She is not the same girl anymore and i hate it!

[thekid55]

With a feeling so strong, how can we go on?

[thekid55]

??????????????????????????????/

[Nick_10]

Hey pal,

well you need to understand that she will not be the same girl that you fell in love with before and that you will never be the same guy either.

during a break up, no matter how much confidence that you may obtain, your self esteem takes a vital blow. This is because you have been with that other person for such a long time, that they, in sense, become part of you. When a break up happens, that person is finally broken away leaving almost like a gap in your heart so to speak.

and now to see that she is moving forward, well that is even harder because although you miss that person so much, they just do not seem to have the same feelings for you.

this leaves you feeling helpless because well, logically, you are. no matter what you do will not change there mind. you can text them or msg them or call them all you want, but it still doesnt matter, they have already made up their mind.

the best thing to do is to just try and start picking yourself up again. after a break up, you feel like complete poop. like i said before, your self esteem dips down to the bottom of the barrel and like, in a way you also become quite depressed asking yourself, "what will i do without them?"

well this is your time to find out big fella. you need to let her be for a bit. who knows, maybe in a few weeks, she will rethink about what she did and she will come back to you. If this is not the case, well then she wasn't the right girl for you. And trust me, I know how hard it is to think that way at this moment in time because I have gone through the exact same thing, but if she cant give you the love and respect that you deserve then well, you WILL find someone who will be better for you. like you said she is still in high school and you are in college. you have one more year of life experience under your belt then she does and believe me, that one year makes quite a difference.

if you dont believe me, then think back to your high school days and you will find youself questioning some of the things you have done haha, I know I do!

but like i said, right now you NEED to spend some time on YOU. go out with your friends, or remodel your dorm room or your appartment haha. and you dont even need to buy anything, just like move stuff around, change your life up a little. you are going to need to do so in order for you to get over what has happened. do some things you have NEVER done before. get in the habit of trying new things man, because like i said, it is the only way you will get over it. this is so because you are keeping yourself occupied, hence not having time to think about her or what has happened.

make sure you stay close with your friends and even your family because they are the people you need the most right now!

i hope everything goes okay for you buddy.

remember that everyday is a NEW day and that with each new day comes new opportunities.

you know that famous quote: "Sieze the day"? well it is now your opportunity to do just that. start to find who you are and start to learn how to become happy without her as well. when she begins to see that, and when she sees that you are happy, and back to your old ways, then she may start thinking again about being with you. because think of it this way; if you were to break up with her, and she were to be all miserale to you, would you want to go back to her? noooooO!! haha, but if she was happy, and if she was always smiling and she was pleasent to you, then maybe would you begin to miss her because that smiling and happy girl you see before you was like the girl you fell in love with! think of it that way. if you want someone back, then you have to be GOOD to them and you have to SHOW THEM that you can be happy on your own.

i wish the best for you buddy

i hope you are alright!

keep strong!

 

Nick