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Characteristics of a conscious marriage


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Characteristics of a conscious marriage by Harville Hendricks

1. You realize that your love relationship has a hidden purpose-the healing of childhood wounds

2. You create a more accurate image of your partner

3. You take responsibilty for communicating your needs

4. You become more intentional in your interactions

5. You learn to value your partner's needs and wishes as highly as your own

6. You embrace the dark side of your personality ( your shadow)

7. You learn new techniques to satisfy your basic needs and desires

8. You search within yourself for the strengths and abilities you are lacking

9. You become more aware of your drive to be loving and whole and united with the universe.

10.You accept the difficult of creating a good marriage


Harville Hendricks says about 5% of marriages have these qualities. Now that I know these things I wonder if I would be able to settle for less.

What do you think about these characteristics? Does your marriage have them?

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Number one is echoed in what Barbara De Angelis says in her book "Are you the one for me?"


I like these characteristics though. I am not married yet but I the more I think about it (and I am in a relationship at the moment that may lead to marriage - strong chance) the more I realise that in a good marriage between well-matched people you help each other grow, be the best you can be and make the other person feel loved and secure enough to allow them to accept all facets of their personality (light or dark). You build a life together and that takes work. I used to think that work was a sign that a partner was unsuited to me.


Highly insightful by Hendricks. I could not get married if I felt that these characteristics weren't there to some extent. I used to think that in a good marriage neither partner needs to do any work on themselves, there are no arguments and you're just perfect for each other. After a lot of thinking, I realise that a good marriage helps each marriage partner to GROW. And sometimes there will be growing pains - but no pain, no gain!

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