Pegasus Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 We can read daily on these forums that "insecurity is a turn off". If it's a turn off for you and makes you run away.....what is your reason? Link to comment
RayKay Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Because generally it comes with jealousy, clinginess, repeated conflicts, a constant feeling of walking on eggshells lest the other person get upset and so on. I also find if one partner is incredibly insecure, the relationship becomes rather one-sided and stagnates. Healthy relationships experience mutual support, encourage personal growth and both people contribute to nourishing the relationship. When one partner is insecure, they tend to be "taking" far more than they can "give" and that leads to imbalance and really leaves one partner feeling drained. Just my personal experience. Link to comment
AwdreeHpburn Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 FOR ME - desparatoin seems a common side effect of insecurity. And when someone is desparate or thinks little of themselves, they are willing to do more....desparate things or take more desparate actions. Like stalking, or hurting themselves. Maybe its just a whole extra set of luggage I don't need cos I've got my own baggage.... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 i'm a strong person. insecure people need to latch onto these types of people. it actually brings me down to be with someone like that. i feel trapped, like i'm on constant watch, everything i do is wrong, etc. i don't want to deal with the attitude, the crying, the whining, the boohoos, etc. insecure = stuff little kids do. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Too much trouble, too many risk factors, and I am a lazy woman. Ok, some laziness but mostly it's because I've learned the hard way that things work a certain way and there aren't really exceptions. It's cause and effect. More problems will show up - guarantee it. The relationship will be at stake due to it - guarantee it. It will be harder - guarantee it. And beyond all that, it's instinctual. The tone will be set at "flight, fight, or paralyzed" which isn't a fun or healthy tone to keep up in a relationship (not conducive). It kills and stalls: romance, security, sexiness, sharing of feelings and good times, sharing of each other and lives. It's a block in the person, so things can't flow freely. It's stop and go, stop and go. Windbag way to say what others have said. On some level, that other person does not want to be with me - and I can respect that. Better to find someone ready for me! Link to comment
stranded247 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 We can read daily on these forums that "insecurity is a turn off". If it's a turn off for you and makes you run away.....what is your reason? A person totally free of insecurities is not normal. I am sure that even the most self-confident people have insecurities, the difference is that they can deal with these insecurities and they are well hidden. So no insecurity is not a turn off. Insecurity is a turn off when it becomes an issue. I run away from people who are insecure and it makes them jealous and nasty. I run away from people who are insecure if they develop some sort of inferiority complex and always see things that arn't there. I run away from people who are insecure to the extent it makes them paranoid because they begin to accuse you of things. For example I know this one girl who is so insecure because she was sexually abused as a young child, she comes from a split home and has very domineering parents. I tried to be friends with her but she was so insecure and untrusting that she would immediately bad-mouth me, most friends will eventually say something unkind about eachother but not the extend that she did. She would spread rumours and accuse me of things, she's what I would call "toxic" and I think it was her insecurities that made her become like this. When insecurities take over a whole person and cosume them it is a huge turn off. It has happened to most people at some stage in their life, I know it has happened to me and during that time I had less people around me because I displayed my worst qualities and I was constantly negative. People don't like negativity. Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Everyone has insecurities... I have insecurities. Everyone has insecurities. If someone says that they don't, then they are lying. Everyone experiences insecurity. It's just apart of life. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Everyone has insecurities... I have insecurities. Everyone has insecurities. If someone says that they don't, then they are lying. Everyone experiences insecurity. It's just apart of life. yeah but there is a difference when the insecurities end up running your life. Link to comment
Kiwi_Sweet Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 yeah but there is a difference when the insecurities end up running your life. Then they aren't insecure... They are more mental then anything... And that's when "mental illness" comes into affect... Link to comment
bulletproof Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I think that when people post here that insecurity is a turn-off, they mean it in the sense of someone who lets insecurity rule his/her life. I am insecure about myself in many ways, but it doesn't stop me from trying to accomplish things. Some people let their insecurities keep them from living. In the context of a relationship, it will obviously create problems. If someone is insecure about someone else's feelings, the normal manifestations include jealous behavior, picking fights, all sorts of stuff that isn't conducive to good communication. Plus, it's a drag to constantly be the strong person. There has to be some give and take. You don't have to run away from insecure people, but you don't have to date them, either. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 not when they say 'i'm insecure so that's why.' like it's an excuse. something would be better to say would be 'i'm kind of insecure in that aspect. but i'm working on it.' like they know the problem and won't use this answer to downplay their insecurity. Link to comment
JeckyllNHyde Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 We can read daily on these forums that "insecurity is a turn off". If it's a turn off for you and makes you run away.....what is your reason? It shows neediness b/c they are afraid to be alone, or afraid not to be accepted. It shows that they wouldn't be their own friend/bf/gf if they where in my place. Who wants a weak person? We want someone who we can lean on too, not just to be someone for THEM to lean on. Also, I would constantly have to be re assuring them, which I don't mind. I mean what are friends/gf's for right? But it does become a problem if even I can't help them see their potential after much convincing. E.g.: a guy keeps thinking I'm going to leave him for another guy, or that I'm going to cheat. It gets extremely annoying when I have no intention of doing so yet they cannot believe it. I agree we all have some insecurities. But sometimes we are our own worst critics. We need to realise that the mind is so powerfull. Lots of times we will notice something about ourself and focus so so much on it. And then point it out to others. And the truth is: maybe if we hadn't even mentioned it, they would have never noticed. And it wouldn't even be a problem. (I'm talking about ones looks (oh my nose is too big, my teeth are yellow, etc) , or insecurities about certain other things.) Link to comment
Dako Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I don't want to be enlisted as a crutch because I'm wobbly enough. Link to comment
lenni Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 yes, we all do have insecurities and it is nice to be able to be vulnerable enough to admit them and have someone reassure you OCCASIONALLY, as long as you are not blaming the other person for your insecurities and it doesn't become constant. i just ended a relationship with someone who was very insecure. it was destructive, and i realized that *nothing* i could do was going to make him feel secure because he was very frequently reading into things through that lens. he was upset with me (and really upset) every day or two when, in my opinion, wasn't being distant or unloving but he felt that i was. one example was that i was holding his hand "loosely", which led him to conclude that i didn't want actually want to be holding his hand and was embarrassed of him. another was when i called him by his actual name on occasion (instead of honey, baby or sweetie), which led him to conclude that he wasn't special to me and i didn't care how we interacted. even if i'd wanted to i couldn't have "fixed" this problem by just always calling him by pet names or holding his hand with a death grip, because he would have been interpreting something else to mean that i didn't love him. and it was more than just annoying - he would react really strongly to these things and we'd argue and then both be upset - over what?!? not healthy Link to comment
Superfreak Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 If she's insecure about her looks, and she's actually attractive I work through it. I pretty much go in to the dating game expecting women to be insecure about there looks, this may have alot to do with the fact that I'm 20 and women around this age range tend to be much less secure about that sort of thing. Link to comment
Konfetkette Posted February 2, 2008 Share Posted February 2, 2008 We can read daily on these forums that "insecurity is a turn off". If it's a turn off for you and makes you run away.....what is your reason? Insecure people attach themselves to you like there is no tomorrow? Link to comment
LostSpartan Posted February 3, 2008 Share Posted February 3, 2008 Insecurites. Agreed everyone has insecurites. Some people have them bad. Some just need that loving mate to support them or reassure them. Some get a little over board with the way they act. In the end, I believe that if you care about someone and really want to be with them. Insecurites can be helped to grow and go away. It just seems that there are entirely too many "petty" people these days that can't handle any type of stress. So people with insecurites are such a HUGE deal. Get over it. Like my grandfather says, "generation of sissies". Link to comment
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