Jump to content

Complicated Breakup, shes confused - Should I say lets date but less seriously?


Recommended Posts

This girl and I have been dating for two months, and last week she got back from vacation and was desperate to see me. She came over on Monday and we went to the bar and danced on Wednesday. Over the course of the weekend however, she got very distant and I could tell something was up. She began saying "hi" on aim despite the fact she knew I wasn't there, and on Tuesday I left aim on at work and she im'd me. I replied and we discussed hanging out, she said she would call me after I got out of work. She didn't call until 10:30, when we had a good conversation about whatever and then she said, "we need to have a serious talk."


She went on to say that she was confused (she is a senior in college), doesn't think she has enough time to devote to a boyfriend, doesn't want to be committed her last semester, and then drops the bomb. She has mentioned that she has kissed girls before - I blew it off, as pretty much every college girl I know has drunkenly kissed some girls, but she said that she thinks she is BI, that she met a girl (that she'd known previously) at the bar on thursday and again on friday (which is why she got weird) and that it had gotten "interesting." She said she didn't know what she wanted, but that she was incredibly confused about her life and everything and she still had feelings for me and wanted to be friends and hang out and blah blah blah blah (she is now crying). I said, call me when you want to hang out, i'm very disappointed/devastated) about all this ect.


Of course, the next day this political bobble head of the person she worked for in New Hampshire and South Carolina shows up in the mail. I im'd her Wednesday night and told her that I had ordered it for her while she was in SC and that she'd love it and that she should let me know when we could meet up to exchange. She seemed excited about it, though I ended the conversation abruptly when she asked how I was doing because well, I was still hurting. We're probally going to meet up this weekend or next week, whenever she lets me know (if she doesn't say something by next week maybe i'll call her) so I can give to her and have another conversation.


Am I insane/asking for trouble/perhaps grasping at straws if I tell her that I wouldn't mind still dating and that she can have whatever flings she wants (with girls that is)? She seems confused about what she wants, but things were marvelous, as far as I know and as far as she telegraphed (even from her point of view) less than a week before we broke up. It seems to me that she wants to enjoy her last semester unchained from commitment (repeated, "I don't want to be the type of girlfriend that cheats" comments), and I wouldn't mind playing (something akin to) that game if it was her with girls (and she hasn't touched a single guy until me in 4 years of college, so...). We have certainly had fun together and i'm not really the jealous type as long as shes keeping in contact and making the occasional plan, as she did before. Yeah, I've hated on the concept before, but Friends with Benefits wouldn't kill me either though that could add to everyones confusion. I'd just like to see where this could go if she is still interested, even if she is BI and experimenting.


When we do talk i'd like to have a conversation about the break-up, and it could either be a, "I know your confused, but do you still have feelings for me and just don't want to cheat," type, a "i don't mind sharing you with girls, what about casually dating," type or a, "here is the present, call me when you want to hang out," type.


So, is this a road I should follow when/if we meet (or should I try and call her and talk to her about it that way) and how should I approach such a conversation? Or is this just wow, i've lost my mind territory.

Link to comment

Honestly...I wouldn't even go there! If you want a committment then you would just be settling for less by allowing her to date/experiment with other girls.


I suggest you give her some space. Going NC will give you the opportunity to see this relationship for what it is, and at the same time it allows her to miss you and see what she really wants as well.

Link to comment

Acting on the advice of several of my friends (girls that is, the guys are either joking about 3-somes or telling me to run like the wind), I texted her this sunday morning saying "hey, i've had some time to think and I'd really like to get together today before 4 to discuss what you said the other night. Let me know where you want to meet up." They all said, "if this girl isn't a * * * * * she will text you back, even to set different plans."


No response to said text message. Using all of my self-control, I will attempt to not im her or call her again until we are in DC, assuming that she goes. Even that I may not.


In said conversation I just want to tell her that she needs to get her confusion cleared up and that i'm more then happy to be whatever it is she needs me to be, friend or whatever. I'm best friends with all my exes (few that they are), and while its tough in the beginning it usually works out, and she sounds like she needs some help.


Its become pretty important to me that this conversation happen, considering that my unhappiness is not declining - even in the face of blacking out before 9pm for the first time since high school on Friday (scorpion bowl + jameson + 1/2 of a bottle of watermelon vodka shots). I would really like some closure, and, to be honest, it would be nice to know if shes actually as upset about this as she portrayed deep into the conversation on tuesday.


I just want to unload this bobble head, set some boundaries and get back to living my life, but this girl is really trying to avoid having a face to face. I know shes confused, but I feel like I can help with that if we just sit down, but I don't know how to convey that. Those that suggested the text repeatedly stated I should not telegraph things like "i don't want to get back together, just talk," ect. Suggestions?

Link to comment


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...