My boyfriend of 3 years just denied me out the blue when caught cheating

[confusedblackgirl2006]

I am completely stunned and upset at the moment, but have finally stopped crying every second of the day.

 

The day before yesterday my boyfriend and I had a disagreement, and since then everytime I called him he said he would call back to sort things out. A day went by and I hadnt spoken to him and this never happens, so I decided to visit him so that we could sort things out.

 

I got there in the morning, and knocked on the door of his university halls, but refused to open the door, and acted like there was nobody in there, even though I could hear him and another girl inside. I then heard him call the security, saying there was a crazy stranger outside trying to bang down his door. The security came, and he still refused to open the door, and he finally did, and claimed I was a crazy ex. I was then asked to leave the premises.

 

He then called me to come talk about things, after the other girl came outside crying. He told the girl I was a liar, and I was trying to split them up, and he swore on his life that he never had anything to do with me all this year, which was a LIE and he looked me in the eye and said it. Even though I showed txt msgs of him sayin how he loved me and wanted 2 spend the rest of his life with me (within january) he said that he sent me those msgs by accident, as my name was not in them. The girl believed him, and I left. On my way out he shouted that I was a SMELLY PIG.

 

This is someone who I have been a girlfriend of for 3 YEARS, someone whose mother and sisters all know me as his girlfriend as I always drop him home, have drinks with his mum and have been to his nieces and nephews birthday parties when all his family r there, n his mum always thanks me for bein there for him. It is someone who was in my house only 3 days ago, laughing and relaxing, eating food that I cooked, tellin me that he loved me etc.

 

When me and the girl were talkin we found out that he had been playing the both of us for a year, and even last day Valentines he spent it with both of us, her during the day and me during the evening. He was telling us both how much he loved us etc. How can she think I am a liar after things I had told her that I would not know he would lie to her about. She then texted me saying how she cant talk to me again because he said she is not allowed to (obviously coz he doesnt want her 2 hear more of the truth). I just did not bother to reply to the txt coz its not my problem.

 

An hour after I left, he then called me 4 times, which I rejected the calls and he text me saying how I should please pick the phone, and I should give him a chance to explain. I ignored the calls and the texts as I'm trying to implement NO CONTACT as of yesterday. It is now the day after I found out he is a cowardly liar, and he has not called or attempted to contact.

 

I AM REALLY annoyed at myself that I feel the need to want something from him, I still want him 2 call, so that I can reject his call, and that is pathetic. I can never ever get back with him and I made sure of that by telling my flatmates and my best friends, so they physically will not let me believe any lies he may throw at me 2 make me fall for him again.

 

I really wish bad things 2 happen to him and that is unhealthy, and I dont want to feel like that, but if they did I would feel much better.

 

I would be really grateful for any advice on how to keep to my no contact rule I have given myself and for how I can just forget about him, because its not that easy to just move on from a 3 YEAR relationship where you spoke to the other person every single day. I still wish it could work out, but I know it never will because what he did was unforgiveable, after everything I did to help him in his life.

[DN]

Every time you feel like talking to him - read over this post you have written. That should be enough to make that desire fade away very quickly. Especially this part;

 

He told the girl I was a liar, and I was trying to split them up, and he swore on his life that he never had anything to do with me all this year, which was a LIE and he looked me in the eye and said it. Even though I showed txt msgs of him sayin how he loved me and wanted 2 spend the rest of his life with me (within january) he said that he sent me those msgs by accident, as my name was not in them. The girl believed him, and I left. On my way out he shouted that I was a SMELLY PIG.

 

 

He seems to have the pig part mixed up. That would be a word more applicable to him.

[ryan123]

What a dirtbag...

[DN]

He seems to have the pig part mixed up. That would be a word more applicable to him.

Actually, I should not have been so insulting as to make that comparison, so I withdraw it.

 

My apologies to pigs everywhere.

[Hope75]

Oh My,

 

I am so sorry that this happened to you.

 

I agree with DN- when you feel weak read over this post.

 

There is nothing he could possibly say that could make this OK- and you are smart to close the door on this and stop letting him take advantage of you.

 

I think with time his new 'gf' will realize what a snake he is and drop him too. Guys like this never win.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah leave the poor pigs alone.

 

Basically. You've had a lucky escape. Would you ever want to spend the rest of your life with a looser like this? Basically your one of the lucky few who find out early on what their partners like and dont discover it after ten years of marriage.

 

I pity his other girlfriend I REALLY do. He'll find someone new and do it again to her. He obvioulsy has some sort of pleasure in messing around with people. He sounds truly evil and disgusting.

 

I'd celebrate and have a party. At least you can find someone who deserves you now.

[PixelPusher]

You want advice and fuel to keep you from contacting this SCUMBAG of a man? Read what YOU WROTE that I highlighted in bold. Do you think this is the behavior of a man who loves and respects you? I know you feel bad, but this guy is pond-scum. NO ONE who even has a grain of sand of respect and love for you would act this way.

 

The best revenge is to drop off the face of the earth to this guy. Never contact him again, and live your life to the fullest. The greatest revenge is for him to see you happy and healthy without him.

 

I'm SO sorry you've wasted 3 years of your life on this dirtbag. He doesn't deserve you... remember that.

[Scoobie]

This is probably the worst man on earth.

 

Sadly, you will probably go back to him.

[sweetpea]

Actually, I should not have been so insulting as to make that comparison, so I withdraw it.

 

My apologies to pigs everywhere.

 

That was the funniest thing I read all day! Of course, I just got online, so it doesn't count all that much, but it was funny.

 

Listen, he was caught with another girl, he panicked, and acted irrationally and said a lot of hurtful things which he really didn't mean.

 

So take all of the things that happened at that time, and all of the things he said, and just push them aside. They are meaningless.

 

Good. Now back to the big problem. You went out with the guy for a long time, he cheated on you. He is the leaver, you are the leavee, and you have to deal with the stages of grief, one of which includes "denial". You will try to minimize what he did, excuse him for it, find fault in yourself, etc.

 

It's natural for you to do these things, but you will heal faster and maintain your self respect if you do not try to contact him no matter how strong the urge. Logically, you know it's over, you now know the kind of person he is, but emotionally you are still drawn to him, and you want to fill this huge hole that has now formed in your life.

 

You have already shown great strength, you must continue to do that, and it will get easier, one day at a time.

[NewPhillyGuy]

This is probably the worst man on earth.

 

Sadly, you will probably go back to him.

 

Nah, she won't.

[doyathink]

Actually, I should not have been so insulting as to make that comparison, so I withdraw it.

 

My apologies to pigs everywhere.

 

LOL! Good one, DN

 

OP, Time will make this easier for you, but NC shouldn't be too difficult when you're dealing with a jerk like this. Be proud of yourself for wanting more, and for moving forward with your life.

[rose2summer]

This guy is a real piece of art (keeping it nice here), how about donating this art to this other girl?

 

Don't even bother with him, he's just horrible.

 

He is clearly playing a game here, he wants you both, the sex, I am sure, double the sex, double the fun, the guy just doesn't understand that you are smarter than that,

 

You don't want his emotional baggage, STD's, etc,

 

A normal sane person wouldn't have done what he did.

 

He is making her believe you are crazy to keep her around and when she is gone, he is lovey dovey to you.

 

Ughhhh, I am so sorry you have to go through this, not fair!

 

All I can say is that you deserve better, you deserve to be loved, have affection, and deserve one man to make you his princess and his one and only.

 

Don't accept scraps, because if it isn't her, it's bound to end up being some other girl, he is messing around with, not worth it.

 

I have a friend who walked in on her bf having sex with another girl.

 

He yelled at her, pushed her, and called her all sorts of bad things.

 

She called the police and made a permanent record for him, so he didn't get off so easy.

 

She is now in a very happy healthy monogamous relationship and doesn't regret leaving him one bit.

 

People end up paying for their mistakes, and what goes around comes around, he is likely to get his bad return soon.

 

Hugs and hang in there,

Rose

[Bunney]

I'm sorry you're going through this! It must be so difficult.

 

DONT get in contact with him. You really need time to sort yourself out now. He's a jerk and you know that. Don't ever even think about giving him another chance - he's really false and two-faced and you don't need someone like that. You deserve so much better and you will get it!

 

If you feel like you want to contact him - COME HERE and talk with us. We'll be here listening to you and helping you resist the temptation.

 

Stay strong!

[Entomon]

Your experience makes me so angry at all the people who are toying or have toyed with others' heart and emotions. These people have absolutely no conscience. They are pathological liars and they would perpetuate more lies to redeem their self-illused reputable character. These people are mentally sick in the head! And the women that stay with them? This is all they deserve and nothing better.

 

You are so blessed for the opportunity to dump this . I know it's hurtful that he betrayed your love and trust and I can guarantee that you'll have an even more difficult time letting down your guard in your next relationship because of this one incident. But don't let this change who you are. You are a person with good morals and ethics and you deserve someone with the same characteristic traits.

 

If you need to cry, cry. If you need to cuss, cuss. Do whatever (except anything that is illegal) to help you heal. People heal in different stages and you may find that you're able to move on quickly or not but eventually, all your hurt and pain will subside and you'll look back to think how glad you are to rid off him.

 

Good luck and take care. If you need to PM me, you are more than welcome to.

[confusedblackgirl2006]

Thank you so much everyone for your responses, it really means a lot to have people remind me of how much of a lowlife he is and why I should never ever speak to him again. I am so happy he has none of my property except a library book. I am gonna give all his clothes in my house to charity. All the people that said if I feel like callin him I should msg u guys, I will definetly take u up on it because there is no way I want to let myself slip in a moment of weakness coz I know that if I break NC then there will be no going back.

 

It has been about 36 hours since I last had contact with him, and this has been the longest time of NC throughout 3 years of being with him. He hasn't tried to call or text, he's probably with the other girl. I know it sounds stupid and it hasnt been a week yet but its really hard just NOT having contact with someone. I am trying to take one step at a time and I am proud that I have even got this far! I think I am just used to the idea of being with him etc.... and its like I don't want him to be with anyone else, but I need 2 get rid of those stupid ideas in my head and let someone else handle him.

 

It really sucks that as he is my first and only boyfriend (since I was 16) and I really, honestly loved him with all my heart... I hope that one day I can honestly say I dont feel any love for him. I've been with him throughout my transition into adult hood, I have realised that I relied on him soo much, I told him every single thing that ever happened throughout my day, and now all of a sudden there's no one 2 share that with.

 

I think I am in the revenge stage at the moment, its like I want something SOOOO bad to happen 2 him... but I will nt do anything because that will make me look more pathetic. I keep having flashbacks of things we did together... I just remembered the time when I drove him and his 2 BABY NIECES to McDonald's and got them food, and played with them all day in his sisters house. HE REALLY IS A BASTARD.

[Hope75]

It's still going to be hard- after all you just found out about this betrayal and you were with him for awhile and he had you fooled for awhile. You can't just shut your feelings off once you know- but getting angry is the first step toward acceptance.

 

Keep coming back and posting- he's not worth your time and if you do take him back he'll just keep using you both, because by taking him back you will have shown him that you accept his cheating.