friendship: NC b/c of no romantic interest?

[Gratsy]

I have a friend of whom I have a bit of a history with. We stopped talking for a while b/c of romantic tension, I think. I wanted something different and he wanted something different. He didn't want a commital relationship with me, I'm guessing, and was angry when I wanted to cut off the friendship b/c of that.

Well, recently we started talking again. I still enjoy his company as a friend however I also recognize how I could lead myself to believe in a romantic possiblity again.

 

He's a great guy and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

 

However, a friend of me advised that it would probably be better to cut things off since I won't let the issue go unless he's out of my life.

 

What do you think?

[SapphireNoir10]

Only you can truly answer this. Can you ever be happy JUST being his friend and can you accept it, and not always hope for something more? Or are you always going to be expecting something romantic. If so you'll just be torturing yourself and it might be better off just to leave it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey Gratsy - soooo hard, these. There's a connection between the two of you OBVIOUSLY. Is it romantic? Is it just a strong friendship?

 

You're going to have to really assess it.

 

I personally think these kinds of bonds are rare and whatever it is, you should cherish it. Don't force it, but don't push it away and lose it forever either.

 

At least that's how I see it....

[LE DHUY NHUT]

Hey Gratsy - soooo hard, these. There's a connection between the two of you OBVIOUSLY. Is it romantic? Is it just a strong friendship?

 

You're going to have to really assess it.

 

I personally think these kinds of bonds are rare and whatever it is, you should cherish it. Don't force it, but don't push it away and lose it forever either.

 

At least that's how I see it....

 

Yes these kinds of bonds are rare but can be painful all the same if one person hopes for more and is not getting it.Special friendships can be rekindled usually when both parties have fully moved on.In the meantime you have to step back and take care of yourself first.

[Gratsy]

Well, I'm not sure what I can handle. I feel as though I have some control now...meaning, I limit my contact with him. However, I see myself thinking of him often.

I'm not sure...I mean, right now I'm okay with just being friends. But who knows- maybe I'll have a low point again and have my feelings emerge again. I will have to wrestle with the futility of not having them reciprocated and I don't want that, either.

 

At the same time, he's a good friend and I enjoy him in my life. If I cut off things it will truly be over b/c he will not forgive me.

 

Either that or I'll have to explain that I have feelings for him or something and can't be around him b/c of that but that will just make him look down on me, i think.

[theBestFriend]

I went through the exact same thing a few years ago, and we started getting super close again in the last few months. This was probably not the best idea, because I fell for him again. Hard. It's not completely my fault though! I think he likes having me as a "surrogate girlfriend", but, as he said before, he does not want a relationship. Since there's nothing I can do to change his mind, I've decided to tell him how I feel anyway, and make parameters for our relationship.

 

He is a wonderful person, and would be upset if I decided to not see him anymore. No one really deserves to lose their best friend over something like this. It may take time, but I think eventually, you will find someone else who makes you feel just as great, but also wants to be committed.

 

So, in a nut shell, you WILL have romantic interest in him if things remain this way but you shouldn't cut him out. Anytime you leave and come back, it'll start over, so just ride it out. Time has incredible healing powers. I hope this helps.

[Gratsy]

I think you are experiencing the same thing I am. I don't want to deal with this kind of yo-yo effect. I might have to just cut things off permanently. Maybe I should have stuck with that instead of playing the little "this time its different" game with myself. It may be hard...but it might be necessary. For my sake more than his.