When will the right girl come along?

[psychoanalytical]

Sorry, long post but...

 

I'm sick of feeling alone.

 

I just dont' understand why the right girl for me never comes along. I think it's partly because I was always quite shy growing up, and I went to an all-boys school, and was always bullied for being short and skinny. I was never that popular and girls never fancied me.

 

But now I'm in University, and I am doing pretty well for myself, if you don't mind me saying. I'm in a professional course, I've styled up, and it turned out I wasn't so bad looking afterall. People actually like me. I've made friends i can trust. And with girls it's not so much, "I'd never lay my eyes on him", but more like, "I like him, but..."

 

And that's the part i don't understnad. The But... part. I don't understand why I still can't find nice girls to be my girlfriend. I'm not saying that in desperation, It's just that when I surf on the internet at 12AM in the morning one week before uni starts again, I feel like i should be spending time with someone lying next to me who understands me. Someone I could take to the movies, and hang out at cafes all afternoon enjoying each other's conversation. Someone I find attractive. Someone who lets me be who i am, and myself to her the same way back. I just want to be happy. it's not that i'm not happy being me, it's just that i feel like I've got everything else, and something's still missing. No amount of facebook and investopedia can satisfy me right now...

 

But ok, I'm short. 165cm. Given that this is the average height of a Caucasian female, 1 in 2 girls will be too tall for me. Not that I have problems with taller girls, but most girls just can't handle shorter guys so that's ok. It is a big deal for some, if not most people, but I am me and I can't change me. So i have to get around this fact. And that's probably why I overachieve to compensate for being small and skinny. And I mention it because someone gave me a complex for being short last year, so bare with me a bit.

 

I'm a poor student with poor parents, so before i finish my degree i have nothing financial to offer to girls. I don't have enough time to study let along meeting people outside of my class once school begins. And frankly I find myself different to most students in my class - I just see things differently to people who have had a previleged upbringing their whole life. I don't have doctors or lawyers as parents. Some things i think about would never cross other people's minds. U probably guessed but I'm a writer. Writing is how I talk to somebody about important things. And though I think I am on track with my supposed best seller, I could never get it published until the people mentioned in my book either retire, die, or move on.

 

Even still, i don't understand why the right girl still doesn't come along. I mean, I've learnt to have a good sense of humour (though that's more of a coping mechanism for a difficult childhood growing up), I'm not a nice guy, I admit that. But I'm in a competitive course and nice guys just don't survive. I am an * * * * * * * with a conscience that haunts me at 2AM in the morning, which makes it even harder. I read, I write, I play the guitar, I play basketball, I travel, and I can hold an intellegent conversation. I do find it hard to open up to people - I am not good at intimacy, but that's why I can write.

 

And all I want is just to find someone I can love, who will love me back for who I am. Someone with a positive outlook on life, and someone with a good sense of humour. I'm not even that physically demanding - someone I find attractive with a beautiful smile.

 

So why is it so hard?

[rose2summer]

We all have our preferences, and you WILL find someone who has you as their preference.

 

It just takes time and also be realistic.

 

The way I like to look at it, let's me honest, looks are what attract people to each other, personality keeps them together.

 

Rate yourself, on a scale of a 1-10, and expect to find a woman who is within 1-2 points of you and you will not be disappointed. I have a friend who is maybe a 5 wanting a 10 woman and then if he gets one, she cleans out his bank account and leaves, and the cycle repeats again and again, and vice versa. Not always the case, I am not trying to generalize here, so please don't read too much into what I say.

 

I know it's rather odd to think that way, but that's just how we think.

 

Can you get involved in outside activities so you have more of a chance to bump into someone with your interests?

 

It's hard being lonely, I find myself on those waves of being in a relationship and lonely, but I just study harder in school to erase those thoughts.

 

Hugs, Rose

[tylercdurden2004]

So what do you want in a woman who will join you in your life?

 

The only way to know when the "right one" to come along is to put some serious thought into what you want. Not in terms of hair colour and all the surface stuff. But the core values. What core values should a woman have?

[psychoanalytical]

Dude I've got the list up on my wall.

 

And none of them are physical... like I said, my only physical criteria are 1. someone i find attractive and 2. nice smile.

 

I just want someone who loves me who for I am. Someone positive. Someone considerate of others and empathetic. Someone with a good sense of humour. Someone with a sense of purpose. Preferentially someone romantic and artsy. Someone with a sense of fun, preferably outgoing... Man the lists goes on... But somehow I don't think girls like the one in my mind exist in real life much anymore... I feel like I'm living in the wrong era. Like, I would have been much happier in 1700.

[thebluest]

Just a few thoughts while reading your post...

 

You mentioned a) your looks, and b) your financial status, because I assume you see those as detractors... I'd let you know for a fact that after having options who never did anything for me, I ended up loving possibly the least classically good looking and poorest guy yet. I think he's quite embarrassed about those aspects but fact is, I find him incredibly hot and I'd rather forgo elaborate dates and gifts than to be without him. He's smart and he's talented, attentive and understanding, and he makes me deliriously happy, so he's perfect. Us girls aren't as shallow as you think we are in most cases!

 

You just need a bit of luck, and learn to consider girls you may not have considered before. The fact is that you will find someone, keep your eyes open and don't limit yourself to opportunities. Sometimes you'll find an awesome girl in the least likely of places.

 

By your own admission, you're intelligent, hard-working, talented, have a good sense humour, you want to meet someone suitable and not just a quick thrill, all that you have to offer. Just keep projecting your strengths, and try to find girls out of uni, uni is never the best place to find girls. It's summer, get out there and just enjoy life and with a bit of luck it'll come to you. Good things come to those who wait.

[rose2summer]

Well, what I meant by my post is to set realistic expectations, a women may not meet all of your expectations, only some of them,

 

She may not "only physical criteria are 1. someone i find attractive and 2. nice smile" have these qualities, but will you turn her away as a result? Maybe finding a few qualities that are really key to you would really help in your search.

 

Someone considerate of others and empathetic. Someone with a good sense of humour. Someone with a sense of purpose. Preferentially someone romantic and artsy. Someone with a sense of fun, preferably outgoing...

 

I don't think these are unrealistic expectations, but you may want to narrow in on key qualities more.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Entropy Smith]

I'm not a nice guy, I admit that. But I'm in a competitive course and nice guys just don't survive.

 

This is not cool.You can compete at a top level and be nice.

 

Your whole rant is full of poor logic and distortions.

 

You see nice guys with an edge get girls. Not nice guys who are anti-social get lonely.

[wmped]

Hey man. I don't know if this will make you feel any better but I'm 6ft tall and I have never even had a date. Don't let the height thing get to you man! When I'm around a girl I have an interest in, it doesn't matter how tall I am because I feel weak. When you to look around at all the 'happy couples' you'll also notice that not all include a much taller male component.

[tylercdurden2004]

Dude I've got the list up on my wall.

 

And none of them are physical... like I said, my only physical criteria are 1. someone i find attractive and 2. nice smile.

 

I just want someone who loves me who for I am. Someone positive. Someone considerate of others and empathetic. Someone with a good sense of humour. Someone with a sense of purpose. Preferentially someone romantic and artsy. Someone with a sense of fun, preferably outgoing... Man the lists goes on... But somehow I don't think girls like the one in my mind exist in real life much anymore... I feel like I'm living in the wrong era. Like, I would have been much happier in 1700.

 

So you know what you want then. So what keeping you back from getting what you want? Fear?

[jenny_mcs]

Do you meet girls that you like, and don't know how to attract them/date them, or is your problem more that you don't meet any girls you like?

[watupgangsta]

you're just holding yourself back dude. you're making excuses for yourself. for example yeah a lot of girls like tall guys but that doesn't mean that there aren't millions of girls out there in the world who don't care, or even specifically like smaller guys. and most people don't have a lot of money, if you think you need to have money to impress girls then you're never going to have the right attitude. i think people see that you are not happy with yourself so why would they want to be a part of your life? you just need to stop being so "pyschoanalytical" and just be happy to be yourself. then girls will be like, hey, hes a great guy. right now you seem like some sort of scrooge who just hopes that girls are going to magically see the better side of you. lighten up.

[psychoanalytical]

well, u know, i did write this at 12AM in the morning...

what's a scooge anyway

[Carmine]

Don't lose hope. I've been feeling pretty down lately because I've never been on a date (and mind you I'm tall and very fit, so it's not like my height is much of an advantage), but it takes time. I just keep living on - making myself available in public places instead of sitting at my computer all the time. Some day I'll meet a girl who I'll share a mutual interest in, but waiting for that day gets frustrating. Just keep your head high and make due with what you've got, like your writing. Without confidence, you won't attract anyone.

 

There's one thing you said, though, that you really need to rethink.

 

I'm not a nice guy, I admit that. But I'm in a competitive course and nice guys just don't survive.

 

Get rid of the "survival of the fittest" mentality. Unless you're only trying to have sex with as many girls as you can, then there's no need to enter into that "competitive course." To attract the kind of girl you described, one who is above the drunken party scene and wants a meaningful relationship, you need to be nice. There's a big difference between being nice with confidence and self-respect and being a nice guy who's an ass-kisser.

[Madoc]

My only advice to you is perhaps not to stay up soooo late at night and move your hours to the day time.

 

It worked for me and I have more female friends now than I do male but unfornately I will never have that oppertuntity because iam not gifted to have a woman in my life.