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From lovers back to "just friends"


fivespot

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I'd like to hear your stories about this, if anybody has any.

 

I'm not talking about one-night stands, and I'm not talking about girlfriend/boyfriend relationships.

 

I'm talking mainly friends with benefits.

 

If you were friends first, did sex change your friendship? I'm guessing if you had feelings and the other person didn't or vice versa, I guess the friendship is pretty much over.

 

If either of you didn't have feelings, well then I guess things are back to "business as usual."

 

But what happens in these cases of unrequited feelings when one person fell and the other didn't? Has anyone here actually ever managed to become friends with an ex-fwb if feelings were involved? If so, is there only one way: move on to somone else?

 

Thanks

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hanging out gets awkward.

 

Unless, of course, you're expecting a little something lol.

 

Which is exactly why I don't think friendships like these can't work...

 

and also why I don't think it's a good idea to hang out with an ex-fwb of mine (and I had the feelings)...though it's her idea.

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I am still friends with my ex fwb. I am now in a happy committed relationship with my boyfriend but I still speak to my ex fwb. The first time we had sex I did think something else may come out of it but it didn't. I soon got over that and saw it for what it was, just a fwb. Now that I am with someone else, I do still see my ex fwb, we still hang out sometimes but just as mates. It's easy enough, doesn't feel weird at all.

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I am still friends with my ex fwb. I am now in a happy committed relationship with my boyfriend but I still speak to my ex fwb. The first time we had sex I did think something else may come out of it but it didn't. I soon got over that and saw it for what it was, just a fwb. Now that I am with someone else, I do still see my ex fwb, we still hang out sometimes but just as mates. It's easy enough, doesn't feel weird at all.

 

and how often to you hang out with this old fwb and your bf?

 

i m friends with my first girlfriend and its gotten more and more comfortable with time, but it always worked,

 

bro, first girlfriend? how old were you.

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I talk to the old fwb on MSN regularly and hang out once every few months. My bf has only met him once so far, he's fine with it though.

 

I'm one of those people who finds it easy to be friends with exes. I live with an ex. We are best mates now after having been together 3.5 years, broken up for almost 2 years now. Doesn't feel weird.

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I live with an ex. We are best mates now after having been together 3.5 years, broken up for almost 2 years now.

 

How can that be possible? Here I'm heartbroken over a fwb--we never even went out, and you're able to stay friends with an ex of 3.5 years? How did you manage to get rid of your feelings, and how did your ex get rid of his???

 

For the posters that have replied so far, thank you. For those that have been able to stay friends...were you "dumpers" or "dumpees" ???

 

We'll use those terms for sake of argument, even though dumper/dumpee can't exist when you aren't even going out.

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It is a weird situation for many people, when I tell people some don't even believe me. They think that we "must" still feel for each other. But we don't, not in that way.

 

We mutually broke up because our relationship had become just a friendship and nothing more, so we decided to call it what it was and break up. We moved out of our one bedroom place and into a 3 bedroom place with our mutual friend. It's fine, we have both moved on and found new partners. We feel nothing more for each other than best friends.

 

I am friends with 2 ex-fwb actually, I'm fine with it all because all the feelings are mutual on each side.

 

If the feelings were not mutual then there would definitely be a problem.

 

Just to add, I don't have feelings for my main ex (other than friendship) or any of my ex-fwb. We simply decided to keep our friendship on going after the benefits stopped.

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We mutually broke up because our relationship had become just a friendship and nothing more, so we decided to call it what it was and break up.

 

Out of curiosity, and not to go off-topic, but would you mind elaborating? My gut instinct is to think that you got too comfortable and did not feel the spark anymore?

 

Also, I definitely can see how you could be friends with an ex...it's funny that some people don't believe you...maybe because it's rare. I think it's as simple as the fact that neither party has "those feelings" anymore but I think in a lot of cases, one person may be lying...that creates problems as I am realizing right now with someone I was being "friends" with but for whom my feelings are coming back and for this reason, I am pulling away.

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I did. I started out having a FWB relationship...I fell HARD and then we became just best friends . I admit that its a hard thing to do. I had hazy moments here and there, but he always supported me through it. When I had moments that I decided I couldn't be his friend, he begged me not to, then supported my decision regardless. I always came back. We have a wonderful friendship and I wouldn't change that for the world.

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The story of my ex bf, we were together 3.5 years:

 

Basically we ended up as best friends and nothing more, there was barely any proper relationship left there. We were not having sex for months because it started to feel a bit weird, like having sex with a friend rather than a lover. Well, that was how I felt anyway, I think he was just happy he was getting sex at all when it happened. I felt this was unfair on him, because he should be in a relationship where he can have an active sex life. And so should I.

 

We would notice little things, like when friends would come over they would sit in each other's arms (if they were a couple) and we would barely do this at all anymore. We started to have separate interests, I would go out a lot with my friends to party and he would want to stay in. Both of us also went through depression, which put strain on the relationship I think.

 

By the end of it, we decided that we had been trying for about 1.5 years to get this relationship back on track and we hadn't managed it. So we decided mutually that it was over. It was in no way easy to get over each other and the "death" of our relationship. We had to live together in a one bedroom flat, sleep in the same bed, for a year whilst being broken up. This meant that not much actually changed. We were continuing as before, just not in a relationship. That's how we knew we had made the right decision, because nothing changed when we broke up, nothing needed to change. The one thing we could of done with is an extra bed for that year to separate us a bit more but we didn't have that choice.

 

Now we have our separate rooms and things have settled down. We are best mates, can talk about anything to each other. And it doesn't feel weird, it feels natural. Sometimes we joke that we were just friends that got confused lol. It's strange how normal the friendship feels, but I think this was the way it was meant to be. We are both in other relationships now and get on well with eachother's partner.

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I am a dumpee and I just realized yesterday that I can't do the friendship thing anymore. I can't handle it...I only had a small inkling of feelings left for him and the more I hang out with him and the more I meet other guys that just don't do it for me, the more my feelings for him come back. I'm sure for him it's easy because I am assuming all of his feelings for me are gone...I can't do it anymore though. Maybe when I find someone new that I am head over heels for but at the moment, esp meeting the guys I've been meeting...it just makes me like and appreciate him more...nope...can't do it.

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I am a dumpee and I just realized yesterday that I can't do the friendship thing anymore. I can't handle it...I only had a small inkling of feelings left for him and the more I hang out with him and the more I meet other guys that just don't do it for me, the more my feelings for him come back. I'm sure for him it's easy because I am assuming all of his feelings for me are gone...I can't do it anymore though. Maybe when I find someone new that I am head over heels for but at the moment, esp meeting the guys I've been meeting...it just makes me like and appreciate him more...nope...can't do it.

 

so you were friends before you dated and hung out regularly?

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I am a dumpee and I just realized yesterday that I can't do the friendship thing anymore. I can't handle it...I only had a small inkling of feelings left for him and the more I hang out with him and the more I meet other guys that just don't do it for me, the more my feelings for him come back. I'm sure for him it's easy because I am assuming all of his feelings for me are gone...I can't do it anymore though. Maybe when I find someone new that I am head over heels for but at the moment, esp meeting the guys I've been meeting...it just makes me like and appreciate him more...nope...can't do it.

 

That's exactly how I feel. Everytime I meet someone new, they just don't seem good enough.

 

It's so irritating because your ex can do whatever they want, but because you have the feelings, you feel like a slave to them, secretly hoping they'll come back someday.

 

I really hate that. It won't be easy, but I'm with you...I don't think I can stay friends like this anymore.

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Although I tried first, I came to the conclusion that I cannot be friends with my ex- bf (we were together for more than 4 years). He dumped me when I still loved him, so it is just impossible for me to hang out with him or even to talk to him as if nothing had happened. It still hurts me, so I have been in NC for almost half a year now.

 

I recently met a guy that soon became a FWB. Its been a while that we are meeting without having sex. I am not sure if this will end in a friendship or in something else, but I will try to keep this person in my life, which is something I cannot do with my ex.

 

I think it depends on whether both people are feeling the same or not. In my case, my ex wanted to dump me, I loved him: so a lot of pain was involved and that makes it very hard to try anything now. With my ex FWB (if this term exists), there was not real love from any of us, just attraction from both parts. Today I probably feel more for him than he does for me, but still it is something very new, we did not promised anything to each other, did not share so many experiences and we have never hurt each other, so it is easier to continue as friends, lovers or whatever.

 

Its kind of strange though, that I need to be in NC with a person that shared so many years of my life and knows so much about me, but I can be friends with a person I had sex on our first date. But that is the only way I can move on with my life at this moment. I think for me it is about the pain involved…

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